Monday, September 26, 2016

Poisonous Elixirs

Speaking to a few people, is like getting to sip the elixir of life. You feel alive, invigorated and all set to conquer the world. Speaking to a few others is like getting to sniff the poison that came from the milky ocean when it was being churned for the same amrutha. (Shiva has this to save the world. A very interesting story). The funny thing though is that, initially, you do not know about the elixir or about the poison. They are both new tastes. How do you know whether you are getting the elixir or the poison?

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Racing to the finish

Sometimes, I feel like I am racing towards a finish line. Running so fast that everything around me blurs. 

Like, one of those pictures in the sports pages, where somebody beats a world record and they have this picture with just them in the focus and everything else out of focus. I do not have time to think, I do not have time to see, I just let my legs lead me. Do I even know what I am running towards? Why? I cannot stop right now to think, because the answer is not what I seek. I am just running, because that is the only thing I can think of doing right now. 

Friday, September 23, 2016


I got my grandfather's ring today. I wasn't expecting it at all but the moment I saw it, I had to have it, as I was reminded of him. He passed away in 2011. He was a prominent figure in my childhood. We had a friendly relationship and used to squabble over television channels, movie actors and of course food. An orthodox man, he made a lot of allowances for me and my sister and was quite open minded and encouraging. He was a feminist as far as we were concerned and used to take an active interest in my social life, when i was in college.

His health deteriorated as he aged and his last few years were quite unlike the early years I experienced with him.

I can't claim to miss him because my life has changed so much, that even I don't recognize it any more.

But often times, when I see children I'm reminded of all the snacks he used to get us, the comics he got me almost every other day when he went for a walk, the days he would listen to me as I prepared for speech competitions and his enthusiasm to read anything I wrote. He had a good life and in his own way, helped me have a good one too.

Thatha, wish you were here to see it all, but I know you'd have been happy with most things(definitely not the doggies).

Thursday, September 22, 2016


You fall down, you get up, you fall down again. Then you try to figure out why you fell. Sometimes, there is someone available who will tell you that. Other times, there is nobody around and you keep making assumptions with the available level of visibility you have and worse still, you never listen to the voices around.
You fall, you rise and you never give up. You can only evolve if you figure out why you fell and try to avoid it. In some cases, that behavior might be integral to who you are, so you can choose something else you want to do and accept that the fall was perceived and not real. In some others, you might become a better version of who you really are.
But whatever it is, fall. Else you are going to be who you are and the way you are, and everyone can do with some improvement or the other. If you think you don't need to, you're wasted anyway.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Systemic changes

We've a grandmother in my extended family, who never had kids. When I was a kid, I was used to my granny telling me that she didn't have any family of her own in a tone that indicated pity. At that time, I didn't question it either. My concept of family and the importance of it was very traditional then. 

As I grew older, I started noticing her in a very different light. She was far not independent, encouraging, had a lot of different ideas and was in general some body I continued to like and pay attention to, even though my relationship with everyone changed over time. I now realize that she was someone who was looked at differently because her choices were different from the traditional ones. In this day and age, her choices might still not be applauded, but they would not be judged as much is what I think. I was thinking about her as I was battling with a few basic questions myself as a few unexpected and expected events unfold in my professional and personal life.

What do we do when there are some ideas that are very different from ours? If the ideas are ahead of their times, they are applauded in the future, but in the present, the person who has the idea and decides to live with it, is the one that bears the brunt of the criticism. 

When you want to live differently in any system, personal or professional, it is never easy. 

Many wage a losing battle and give up. Perhaps they are frustrated, perhaps they are unhappy, or perhaps they even learn to live happily after some point. What works for majority, should have something fundamentally secure that would help anyone settle into it right?

Some garner forces and try to present a uniform front, even if the ones on their side, are united in nothing else but that one tiny idea. Some try to make smaller changes and still go with the flow in most cases.

A handful keep trying to do what they think is right and challenge the system, knowingly or unknowingly. 

This post is a dedication to all those who refuse to give up. I know it looks like you are fighting a losing battle, but perhaps, the battle is what defines you and gives you unlimited joy. Maybe, it is not a battle in the first place, but just a new way of living. Maybe, you are not alone as you think. There are 7 billion people in the world, and somewhere, there is someone else who is going through the exact same thing as you, no matter how unique you think your situation is. 

Remember them and stay strong. Perhaps, you might be happier if you can let go, but letting go, is never going to help you remain happy long term I think. If it could, you would have already done that. Hang in there, the best is yet to come. 

Striking a balance

I am trying to strike a balance.

I claim that there is a range of values between the probabilities of 0 and 1. But in reality, it's easier to take the zero or the one in a lot of scenarios and not even realize it. For eg, x likes me vs. X hates me is an easier stand to take than accepting that x likes me in a few instances, might be neutral in a few more and might actually dislike my ideas in a few more. I'm simplifying my conflict with the most common example I can think of, because the others are difficult to pen down too.

How do you strike a banana? Is balance over rated? Can I truly believe in something if it's not black and white? Philosophically the answer is yes. But realistically, I don't know the answer. Rather, the answer varies by the situation. Perhaps all this introspection is going to lead me down a path of self awareness. Perhaps not.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Graphic imagery

I'm really disturbed by how we let social media get away with anything. In the name of awareness and outrage, this idiot had posted a video of a dog being tied and beaten. I accidentally saw five seconds of it as when I scroll down, sometimes videos auto play. I was very disturbed. Isn't circulating this video as bad as making it? Why do we allow such videos and images to exist? Why do we thrive indirectly on suffering saying, it was so horrible and I'm going to show you just about how? When we certify movies, in the day and age where just about anyone can star in a home made movie, how can we control the violence in it?
Should it just be the job of citizens who'll immediately block it and refuse to let it spread?