Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Compartments

Only they know..
These four walls,
The secrets, the simple everyday ones. 

They watch, mute spectators,
towering over
Each indecision,
Each tiny piece of heart break
and each victory jig,
after a normal nights sleep.

Only they know,
These four walls.

They close not to suffocate,
just enough to protect
to create those easy compartments,
in which those things remain,
that cannot see the light of day.

Will they disappear, I wonder,
or will they grow stronger?
Those thoughts, safely hidden away,
from the prying eyes,
from the loving ones even.
What will happen,
in the light of the day?

Aren't those things that hurt the most, 
the same that can bring in 
unlimited joy?

Perhaps a different lens I need,
To see a world..
or Perhaps, more compartments
to store different versions
of the same reality. 

Disguises

I am watching Sherlock again. Every time I do, I feel a connection to the show and though like a friend of mine says, no body should be the way Holmes is portrayed in the series, I cannot help but admire the entirely fictional mind.

Here is Ms.Adler today and this line of hers, rung so true. "D'you know the big problem with a disguise, Mr. Holmes? However hard you try, it's always a self-portrait." I was thinking of something in those lines and she found the words I was looking for. 

Monday, October 16, 2017

With or Without You

With you I enjoy this state,
The fluttering heartbeat,
The secret whispers,
The silent conversations..
All in those stolen moments,
Even in just a single look,
With you.

Without you, I enjoy the statelessness
The timelessness of being.
The independence to fly,
The warm embrace of life,
The gentle kiss of freedom..

I know what I crave
and I know why the obvious choice,
seems to be the ridiculous one..

The bonds set not one free,
The soft touch of love,
has a vice like grip.
A price - too high to pay..

Saturday, October 14, 2017

A story to tell

All of us have it. A story to tell. Or many.. Depending on how you seem to experience life. The scariest stories, are the ones that are actually never told. They are locked away, for further reference when one is sitting alone with a friend or a drink, as the case might be. To be brought up, only to be forgotten. Pushed in, as the story, does not have an ending one likes or because the story, is a melodramatic mega serial. 

We still hear stories, that on the surface seem scary and sad. But let us take a moment and break them apart, shall we? You notice that pause there? The one for effect? Then do you notice that simple "I am a victim" message as eyelids are batted? Those, are indicators of a con. 

The ones who share their stories, unfortunately, do it for a gain that the recipient can seldom fathom. What do we do with these stories? More importantly, what do we do with the story tellers? I have been silly or rather naive enough to sympathise with the story tellers whose theories of horror are horrible enough in their head. That shake of head and the comfort I tried to offer them, sometimes haunts me. 

Sometimes, I think back about them and wonder, how I can so easily fall for all that is not real. At other times, I think of making them into a book and then drop the idea, as some stories are not worth telling out aloud.

This post is not about the stories that are shared. This is a dedication to all that is hidden deep within, to the stories that are important enough to be shared but are still ignored, as a hungry kid or an impatient boss takes precedence. 


Friday, October 13, 2017

Everyday heroes

I have come to know and love,
A new type of super hero..
The chilled, happy ones,

That wear not masks, just their faces,
ones which have layers below..

The same face, with a multitude of expressions,
layer after layer after layer..

It peels not into nothingness,
but into a soul,
Caged, hidden - too frivolous 
the words seem to be,
To explain the real beauty
of what cannot be perceived.

The same things that can set one free,
Scare those, whose scars have scabbed,
but have never really gone away..

The romantic accepts,
that there is nothing to fix,
just a lot to love and embrace..
A lot more, than what is seen
and a lot more than what is known..

Perception management

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend today. It was around perception management. 

Well, here is my problem with using both those words together. I feel that it implies that somehow we can control what people perceive us to be and what they want from us. In reality, we cannot do both. When people see you, their preconceived biases, ideas and thoughts are going to creep in and they are going to fill in the blanks in their heads with it. 

If you are an individualist who talks straight, this is going to land you in a soup more often than not. I find it very difficult to mince my words. I have learnt to be subtle, but my subtle is like using Thor's hammer on a nail. Let us just say it is a work with a lot of progress needed. Without much ado, I can admit I would have rubbed enough people the wrong way. I also cannot talk in different ways to different groups of people. Apart from a handful of people who receive the full burst of the Harini love and affection, I treat everyone almost the same. The kind of reactions it gets me is a fascinating study. 

But I really cannot do much about what has been done or what is going to happen at some point of time in the future because of that. The only thing I can really do is check if I am in a situation where I am comfortable with my life choices and as of today, I am very comfortable and delightfully optimistic about life and everything it has to offer. 

I have had cheer leaders all my life, but I have run into enough people who have wanted me to fail for multiple reasons, some of which I still do not get. The only person that I have placed my bets on is me and whether it is today or tomorrow, I doubt that it will really change. I can try to think about what people might perceive certain actions to mean, or I can actually focus on the actions that can make a difference and change the world (at least my world) while trying my best to be fair.

Words have hurt me, but they have also healed me. Perceptions have destroyed me but they have also helped me. After a lot of contemplation, I have come to conclude that the only thing I can really control or manage in my life are my reactions. Nothing more, nothing less.

When you are too busy living your life, it is going to be nearly impossible to pause and ponder what others are thinking of you and your life choices. It is a paralysing place to be in and no matter what, I am not ready to put myself in that place again. 

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Going with the flow

Here I am, trying to take it,
One day at a time.
Perhaps a prayer to him
is all that is wanting..

Even that, done enough times already.

One day at a time,
I have to take it,
Survive while I thrive. 

I can touch, but I cannot hold..
I can dream, but not expect reality..

I am asking the architect in me,
dying to build a dam,
to go with the flow.

A flow. I have no idea about,
I always, control the direction,
I am itching to control, the speed,
I am dying to control the strength..

I have no option,but to be swept away,
By these strong currents, 
triggered by the simplest of things.

They take me, with the flow,
Whether towards the destination I seek,
or the one I need,
I know not.