Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Never ending marathon

I run from post to pole,
Not stopping, even for a second..
"A whirl wind","So determined",
"Such ambition","So ruthless",
The words just fall off me,
Like raindrops falling from a leaf,
on an expensive raincoat.
Affecting, but not really impactful..
I've other demons lurking,
Demons that arose from Angels..

I run, I run and run
Learning to breathe,
Focused on everything else
The world is a blur,
My pain is inevitable..

A writer said, that suffering is optional..
I try to not suffer, but just numb the pain
I run
I run
I run

Pause I have to, to catch my breath..
That's when you creep in, always!
Slowly, pecking away at my defences,
Always so confident as you strut into my thoughts.

The love that never will be,
The phone that will never ring,
The calls that will go unpicked,
The email, that will never be read,
The days, that will never be..

Regret I cannot, suppress I really cannot..
Control perhaps I can,
Build a box around you,
Those precious moments that won't repeat
Put it under a lock, throw away the key,
Knowing fully well, the lock is but a mirage..

My elusive love, the intensity never does fade
The tears, never really disappear..
They just hide, for you hate histrionics.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Lady in blue

You hold your saree tight,
Bluish green with shades of white..
Rather, it used to be a white..
Now, it is that nameless color, that white becomes
After countless washes..

I sit inside an insulated vehicle,
A book and music to keep me company.
Still, I keep looking at you,
The accidental glimpse, not enough..

Who are you? How do you entertain yourself?
You stand holding that bag tightly..
Perhaps it contains something priceless..
Maybe, it's all your possessions
Or maybe, it's a delivery you ought to make..

You don't let your saree or your hair fly in the wind..
Everything is in control
There's still, a restlessness about you.
You bend your head, unwilling to look the world in the eye.
Or perhaps you already do, in your own way!

You look at me then, possibly aware of my scrutiny..
I see no smile, I see no defiance, no emotion!

We're both alone, in our own cocoons,
The differences, i feel just skin deep
I chide myself.. not the right thing to say..
Privilege has a strange way of thinking it's not.
This I hope is camaraderie and not callousness.

Our paths might never cross again,
But they don't really have to,
For our battles are as similar as they are extraordinarily different.

Good luck, lady in blue, farewell!

Monday, February 20, 2017

As good as it gets

If this is as good as it is going to get,
It is still not good enough for me..
If good ain't enough, then what can ever be?
If nothing can ever be, then perhaps, nothing is all is.

Permanence and transience, both attract and repel me,
Sometimes equally so, sometimes, one more than the other..
"In a long enough time frame, even permanence, is transient!"
Thus argues logic..
"But in what there is, however short, both coexist!"
Retorts magic..

I see both sides, I see none.
I fly, I crawl, I just stand.
Lost and alone,
Happy and hopeful..

Perhaps it's priming I need
To convince myself
To hold on and to let go..

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Patterns

The lines are drawn
In stone and in water
The lines so beautifully interconnected
And so far apart in places..

Which one do I trace,I wonder
Where will it lead me?

I remember those lines I'd drawn
Clean, symmetrical ones
With well defined start and end points
Straight lines, without any diversion.

I knew not then, what I know now..
Even if I had, Maybe,
I'd have drawn them over and over again,
An optimist then, hoping that hoping was enough.

Am I a realist or a pessimist?
Is reality pessimistic?
Or, Am i just seeing curved lines,
For what they are, finally?

Perhaps a downward spiral,
Perhaps a stairway to heaven..
I knew not what it was
And I just decide to stand and watch,
Perhaps unknowingly inching down a path,
That's just slower..

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Accidental love

I walked by you the first time..
My senses were fully occupied elsewhere
I noticed you not - 
You were inconsequential as of that instant.

I walked all around,
Searching for that one thing,
that could compliment me
Make me look gorgeous,
for a dinner that would never be.

The unswiped card in a coach bag,
longed to be used!
Has not emotions virtual money...
Lie I will not, At least to myself. 
I longed to use the black and gold card,
nestled happily, confident of its importance to me.
Again, emotions to the emotionless
Objects or people, 
The effort is but futile.

It was me all along,
Hoping that the magical swipe
will open the gateway to eternal happiness!

Reluctant to leave without the prize,
I sought a consolation...
"Brand new design" - the young girl chirped,
The hope in her eyes, mirroring the one in my heart
For all that could be.
The scales, seemingly different,
But the emotion - just the same..
Perhaps, that made me pause.

I saw you then.
Completely assymetrical
Did you want to be short or long?
How did that length come to be?
How was there no symmetry between both sides?
Still, there was something about you
Knowing not, what it was,
I took you home.

I look at you now, 
I remember not what I wanted then, 
I know not what I want now..
But, I marvel at your beauty
and as you adorn me, 
I sit back, staring at the stars with a glass of wine,
Accidental love for a confused dress

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Lets meet

Lets meet then
Not in the place thats here and now,
But in the world, caught between the worlds..

The place, a transient world, hidden yet clear,
between the one filled with dreams
and the one that I wake up to everyday.

Wise men claim, that one is but the other,
But know I do, the distinction.. far too well.

At least for me
At least as of this instant
If time were absent, perhaps they would merge
Or perhaps not..

I see it very clearly - the image so pretty
What i could be!
Maybe but a faraway fantasy..
What could have been,
Perhaps would never be

The optimist in me persists,
not knowing that a one legged woman,
can win not a short sprint.
Perhaps a marathon, for the disabled

Lets meet then
Maybe someday
Maybe here
Maybe nowhere
A nowhere,equally real and magical

You will be me
and I was you.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Memories

Memories are very strange. You dont remember the things you think you will never forget. Then you remember things in excruciating detail when you least expect to. I was listening to Telugu songs today after ages. I used to love watching Telugu movies when in college, but kind of lost touch after that. Today, when I sat listening, I could recall the lyrics of songs I had not heard in close to 8-9 years. I wonder what else is hiding inside that head of mine, and when it will show up. :)