Sunday, December 30, 2007

Colour blind-Darius

This song has been haunting me for the past one week..

Feelin' blue, while I'm trying to forget the feeling that I miss you
Feelin' green, when the jealousy swells and it won't go away in dreams

Feelin' yellow, I'm confused inside
A little hazy but mellow when I feel your eyes on me

Feelin' fine! Sublime!
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

Oh oh

Nobody told me you'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind

You make me colour blind

Feelin' red, when you spend all your time with your friends and not me instead
Feelin' black, when I think about all the things that I feel I lack

Feelin' jaded, when it's not gone right
All the colours have faded, then I feel your eyes on me

Feelin' fine! Sublime!
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

Mm mm

Nobody told me you'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind

You make me colour blind

Blinded by the light you shine, the colours fade completely
Blinded by you every time, I feel your smile defeat me

I'm colour blind
I just can't deny this feeling

Nobody told me you'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind

Nobody told me you'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind

You make me colour blind

I'm colour blind

Friday, December 28, 2007

Of new years

Seems just like a week back 2007 began(i was about to type yesterday.But it does not seem like yesterday to me.) Now it is almost over!Last year was i guess my best ever.(i think i say this about every year. But then each day is special.) I grew up quite a lot. The growth was quite painless. So many things changed. For the better is what i feel.

Few things i learnt from last year....
1) Relationships can be rebuilt in just a phone call.
2) It is not all that difficult to keep in touch.
3) Unless two people grow up together, the relationship seldom retains its magic.
4) Family is worth more than money or gold(ya.. savage garden if anybody guessed it right.)
5) Avril Lavigne is good. :D(this one is for you data.)
6) Some things are better off left alone.
7) Time is the healer.(krishna nee begane. :D)
8) Positive thinking helps a lot. But then be practical.Mountains can not be moved by a mole.(Real live mountains of ego built in fantasy lands people live in cannot be moved by a single persons determination to wake the other up.)
9)Dreams come true.
10)Efforts are appreciated mentally even if not vocally.(PS effect you can say.)

Thats it for now. All i can come up with in 10minutes.. More to follow.. atleast in my diary for sure.

I suddenly have this irrestible urge to update my suddenly dormant blog. Decided id do that with the current love of my life-photography. A sample of a pic i took on christmas day in a park nearby. :)

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Pleasure

The simplest things offer the greatest pleasure. Just thnking out aloud.(trying to update my blog) :D

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The picture

A plain paper it was
A few months ago..
Few strokes..
Then more
and more and more..
There it was.. His master piece..
The proud artist beamed..

Oh! what a beautiful picture
A picture so charming
A picture so serene
A picture so peaceful
A picture so full
of his dreams real true...
A picture so full
of beauty joy and cheer..
A picture representing
days and days of dreams..
His very special dreams..
A picture he wanted
to badly show off
The proud artist..

With glass fragile
he covered it too
Alas! The foundation too weak..
He watched helplessly
as it fell..
Just a few inches down
to break into fragments too many..
Few cutting into his master piece.
The tears from his eyes
washing away the colors
he had so carefully mixed.

He collected the fragments..
Were they that of his heart?
The washed colors..
Was it towards this end
He had worked so hard?
His pride.. Was it why
his creation had been destroyed?
He just stood
unaware of his bleeding hands..

Some dreams come true
just to die away
real soon..

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The wait.

It was always like this. The long wait. The expectations that rose with every passing moment and then the disappointment. He was used to it. But then, to be human is to hope. As much as his expectations rose, so did they drop. In another corner of his hear. The neighborhood kids were all playing together. The noise was so irritating. Sometimes he wanted to go tell them to shut up. But then, he was not all that hard hearted. He did not like kids much. He hated the unnecessary attention they got.People always fussed over them Handled them with care. Never spoke important stuff before them lest they be burdened by it.

He walked around wiping the dust off the old mirror and the rusted photo frame. He did not have work today. His master was out of town. He had gone to his daughter's school function.Work, to our hero, was not a burden. It was a distraction he welcomed. He could throw himself into his job and forget about his seemingly unending wait temporarily. He had no emotions about his job. He could not understand why others said it was taxing. He just did it. It was better than going hungry to bed.

His master was not an embodiment of kindness. But he did feed them well. They got his sons old clothes once in a while. He had never gone hungry since he had joined here two months ago. The major reason he stuck to the job was not the food but the proximity of his master's house to his own.He could always keep an eye out for the post man.The expectation did haunt him even when he worked.He was cursed with it. The invisible weight he carted around.. Like the pilgrim in pilgrims progress.
Today he had time to think. He hated to think. So many moments came back. oh! The last day! Again this wait. He preferred working his usual 18 hours a day with the ten minute break.Physical labor numbed his pain. He was too exhausted to think.

Roopa was looking at him from the opposite house. "Dont you think we should tell him?" she asked her husband who was entering the house. " He works so hard for you and is so loyal.The pain i see in his eyes makes me feel guilty"Suresh was somehow deaf to her pleas. Why wont he be? He did not want to lose a loyal employee who came so cheap.

Pratap took the rusted photo frame in his hands. It was the picture of his mother taken a decade ago. He was there on her hips. A mere two year old.She had worked so hard to feed four mouths since their father had died of tuberculosis. She had left her 'big man' to guard the house when she went to work that day.She never came back. Ashok and Ajay were also with her.He remembered a movie they had all watched together once. An old woman loses her memory and gains it back after unintentionally walking into her house years later. The twelve year old in him, the one not yet a big man, somehow lived with that story in his head.

"But her body was never found!"Suresh was trying to convince his wife."The bomb blast wiped everyone out. Remember Ramaswamy's wife recognized him only because he wore that ring that day? She just found his finger."Roopa said trying to remove the image of the place from her mind."He deserves to know his mother is dead." Roopa was reluctant to give up. But then, she was a good wife.

He meanwhile continued his wait.

Prahlad..

It was a brilliant day. He was sitting in the bus enroute to his office. Prahlad had been highly dissatisfied with his job for a very long time.To be exact, since the day he had joined the private IT company some 5 years back. He had wanted to be a writer ever since he could remember. The numerous rejection letters he received in college had succeeded in killing his desire.In his final year,he settled down to a career in IT.The one thing he never had wanted to do. "The pay is good. So are the incentives. You have your own house now. You have saved enough for a car. Why do you crib?It is not a crime to do a job you dont like. Everyone does that. Why care as long as you get paid well?" He remembered Prakash's long lecture a few days back when he had considered quitting his job.

A new project had come in that day. They were given a month to complete it. He knew it was going to be a tough one. His incentive depended on its successful completion. Maybe, he could get his car earlier. Somehow he could not get himself to code.Four frustrated weeks later, the project was completed. Full thanks to the mercy of his colleague who helped him out.

He decided to go to his parents house to celebrate his week off. There, he knew, he was always welcome and loved. They did not know of his sorrow. He masked it well in front of them. They were very proud of their hardworking son. He was surprised to find his sister and her kids there. "It is vacation time busy body" Prathima said with a grin on her face. He loved his nephews. They reminded him of what he was once. Noth had an insatiable lust for mythological storied. Prahlad was bad at telling stories. He hardly remembered any. "I am now just a machine." he thought sadly and decided to be as human as possible this one week.

"Tell us about Prahlad"His nephews were bugging his mother. Prahlad sat down with them to listen. Frankly, he had forgotten the chap after whom he had been named. Was it the elephant chap?The king of something? "Prahlad was the son of King Hiranyakasipu."He heard his mother narrate."The King was very pious before his son was born. He performed severe penance and got a boon from Brahma. He wanted immortality. But Brahma could not grant anyone immortality. The clever king said,"I should not be killed by a man or animal or bird. I should not be killed in the morning/afternoon/evening/night. I should not be killed inside or outside the house." Brahma granted his wish. The king became very proud as he was now an immortal.Entrusting his pregnant wife in the care of Sage Narada he set out to conquer the three worlds. The immortal king returned home successful and was happy to see his infant son prahlad.With a new energy, he set out to rule the three world. He ordered that only he should be henceforth worshipped as God."

His mother was droning on."Anyone who worshipped the king was granted everything. Prince Prahlad, maybe because he was taken care of by a sage, was pious from his childhood. Much to the agony of his mother, he worshipped Lord Narayana. When the king got to know of it, he ordered that his son be thrown into a dark room without food for two days. The starvation and the darkness had no effect on the kid. He still held on to his conviction that Narayana was the Lord Supreme."

"Just the kind of kid who would irritate everyone around.Spoilt Brat." Modern Prahlad told himself.

"The king sent the kid to the torture chambers. Every blow that fell on the kid was hard. The torturers were merciless. But, much to everyone's surprise, Prahlad was not hurt a bit despite the torturers hand becoming chapped thanks to the whip."

"Iron will. Nothing can stand against it. Sometimes when you are in a frenzy, you cannot feel a thing. Even severe pain" remarked our hero. His mother glared at him and said,"The lord saves those who believe in him."

She went on with the story about how the kid withstood other tortures and how finally Lord Narasimha, (half man, half lion) the fourth avatar of Narayana came out of a pillar and killed the king on his door step in santhyakaalam(neither evening not yet night.)Neither morning nor evening nor night. Neither outside nor inside the house. Neither man nor animal. His mother droned on.

Prahlad walked out of his house. He was pondering about the story. Sitting under his favorite tree, he looked up to the sky above. All those beautiful fluffs of white scattered around! Despite being brought up by orthodox parents, he was a strict atheist. He refused to believe in lords or avatars. But these stories fascinated him. In them he searched for the moral, some kind of deep inner meaning.

Belief, Trust, Confidence. Thats what the prince had. Belief in his vision. Trust in something he thought was real. Confidence in his trust. The very qualities he lacked. His rich, comfortable self fed by the software he so detested. The hiranyakasipu. His love, His real God, His narasimha,his was writing the work he so wanted to do.He lacked the belief the prince had in his God. He was like the rest who had decided to worship hiranyakasipu for comfort sake.He felt a deep shame.

He rose deciding to send in his resignation that very day. He rose as the Prahlad who will stick to his conviction no matter what. The Prahlad who will struggle, who will suffer, who will accept failures but still stand tall and worship his real Lord. He will live up to his name.

Friday, November 02, 2007

She was excited. All set. The road ahead was long. But then.. the journeys end.. She loved it. She was waiting to go back.This is it she thought.. A pleasant walk down memory lane. She remembered her childhood.Those happy carefree days. She was an adult now.. True.. But then, somethings never change. This to her was like time travel. As close to it as she could think of. The train was almost there. Pradhija placed her books back in and expectantly peeped out of the window. The train finally came to a halt. The station was empty. Maybe they dint receive my email she consoled herself and hid the sharp disappointment from herself. The station looked just the same. How many times had she come here to board her train home! The sweet shop in the platform.. Oh! it was no longer there. The shop keeper had been old. He was the typical old man who always looked like a shop keeper. She could not think of him fitting anywhere else except in his shop.She smiled thinking about his antics in an effort to chase flies away.They never disappeared but. They always were there. The shop the flies. They were fresh in her mind. Its absence made the station seem alien. Some things, she wondered are missed only when absent.. You hardly appreciate their presence.Their absence gives them an importance their presence never could.Oh! this sounds like philosophy! She could go on for hours once she started thinking. How her thoughts jumped from one place to another. Their logic none but her could follow..

She reached the entrance. No auto in site.There was a bus stand round the corner. She did not know the bus numbers. There had never been need to know. True there was a terminus near her place. But she had not been an observant kid. Her grandmother had taken her and her cousins out everywhere. She thought of the pleasant walks.. those hours of games sitting in the garden. The pleasure she felt recollecting those moments.. Nothing could equal that. Familiar with the local language, she was confident she could find her way home. She was no longer the little Pradhija. She was a grown woman now. Dragging her suitcase behind her, she reached the bus stop. The bus that rolled in, would take her to her home. Home.. Thats how she always called it. How many years had it been? Since they had all been together? 4..4 long years..She had been chasing her dream.... True. Thats what she had wanted. Now it had come true. She was now one of the very few women in a mans world. In her struggle for establishing her identity,she had lost touch with the people who had given her nothing but love.

Better late than never. She consoled herself. She watched the new buildings fly past her.How much the landscape had changed!For a moment.. a doubt crept in.. Would they have changed too? From somewhere a voice asked her to shut up. Material things change. Affection, love does not. It cannot disappear. It told her. The conviction the belief in the voice unmistakable.The same voice that had told her her loved ones could never be wrong. The same voice that told her she could reach great heights if she persevered. The same voice that encouraged her when the road ahead was long and she all alone..

The bus came to a halt and shook her out of her thoughts. Five more minutes.. and she would see them all again! She almost ran down the lane dragging the suitcase behind. The house looked just the same. Did it now! It had been much bigger in her mind. She opened the gates and stepped in. The rose bush got her eye. It was a new addition. It had such a beautiful hue. A different blend. Quite unlike the other roses she had seen. How different each rose is from the other? How similar sometimes.. Just like relations she thought.. Very similar yet too damn different. Just the name binding it all together. "so you also like the flower?" asked her grandma. No How are you. she noted sadly...But why does one need such words? Aren't words just the plain empty things one said? Aren't the wonderful things in life simply understood? The same voice again...

She left her suitcase in the room. Everything was just the same. The tv, the furniture, the rooms.. The people.. They looked just the same...Of course they had aged.. but gracefully she added lovingly..This is home.. she felt.. And happily sat down to have food. She had loved this sabji as a kid.Happily, she took a mouthful. oh! she did not like it so much now.. It tasted just the same.. But then.. "i got a new saree for you" her grandmother told her with a smile in her voice.. Your favorite colour..she remarked and gave the bag.. A blue saree.. "I like purple now.." she caught the words in her throat.. she dint want to hurt them. With a thanks, she kept the saree in her bag...The place.. her childhood heaven seemed so small..Her favorite couch now looked just like any other furniture...She had outgrown her tastes.She had never realised it till date.. From the way she wore her hair to her tastes in clothes and food.. Even colour.. Her cousin.. her partner in crime.. what had happened to the little girl who played with her? she looked so different. so sophisticated.. The same features true.. but someone else..

Somehow, everything felt different. The people the voices their actions the words....The few she had loved.. she did not know what to talk with them. The past was what they had in common.. Their presents too different. Their likings have changed. They had loved the little girl they knew. This adult was a stranger. Someone, they tolerated for the little ones sake.Someone they did not know enough to love.Stranger! Stranger! Stranger! All voices seemed to say in unison. Stranger! More so here than anywhere else. Somehow, the voice did not contradict her now. The sudden transition from being an insider to a stranger...it hurt.. Why did she have to come? Why had she held on to the child like conviction that people never change? True.. Love does not.. But people one loves does.. She looked at the place she had loved as a kid. The magic lost. People to be loved.. from a distance she told herself..

Memories better off when left alone..The past had been special. But it held no place in her present. Her present too different from the past. Her future she knew not. Memories she would carry around. To remember and laugh. Never to recreate. One cannot run forward when looking back. With a steady mind, she started chasing her new dream.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

One way

A walk it was to be
a pleasant one
down memory lane
The initial mist
the sweet smell
floating around
in the air
Beautiful,pleasant
refreshing.. soothing.
those few initial steps..

Slowly,
The smoother the road
the tougher the step
Flowers! Oh flowers
they were
in the garden of love..
Pleasing the senses
invigorating the body
and also the soul
But then..
Flowers do wilt
when kept for long
and the dormant thorn
raise their ugly heads..

Oh! Those moments!
The smiles..
The playful tears..
shed of
hours of laughter..

Oh! Why dint i know then?
Why do i know now?
For all great things
do really pass
Sometimes.. to simply disappear
so completely
that the mind doth doubt
how real they actually were
Did they ever exist?
Or was it just
a figment of imagination
of a very fertile mind?

Some linger
as always..
steady.. Not absent..
but then..
not present..

The same steps
that lead to heaven
lead to hell

But then..
Heaven or hell
are mere masks..
Masks that alternate...
for everything is just
a mirage
a mirage so real
A mirage, one wants
so badly to be real..

Lost in the desert
one labels life,
This mythical oasis
doth seem like a savior true..
Little good does it do
but distract the mind
distract-temporarily
for nothing permanent
comes of it
but a disappointment
deep.. very deep..
leaving behind a scar..

The closer the peak..
the deeper the fall
the greater the wounds
But the mountain of happiness
and acceptance
seems very inviting...

A mirage it is
a mirage so real
that no mortal can conquer
I cant conquer..

Sometimes, the word impossible..
does not seem to be
so unbelievable..
Anybody trying
to recreate moments special
will anyday accept

I hastily retreated
away from the lane..
the very inviting lane..
The painful walk..
oh not for me!
For hearts can be tender
Now i know, mine is...

With a heavy heart
I planted a no entry sign...
It is just a one way
i never want to wander into..

For one cannot
run forward
while looking behind..
I just sat for a few minutes..
Regret i cannot..
The road ahead
beckons me..
To embrace it
and create memories-anew..

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Happy birthday anu!


I always love birthdays! The wishes, the new clothes, the yummy food. Last but not the least, proof of a year well lived and many more to come.. Today, it is the birthday of my very special friend anu..3 years, we have known each other. Really happy to have an awesome person like you for a friend.. Happy birthday. may all your dreams come true.. now and forever..
P.S...This snap of hers is my favorite. :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Beautiful lyrics.. thotti jaya..

uyire en uyire ennavo nadakuthadi
adadaa intha nodi vaalvil inikuthadi
O.. oru nimidam oru nimidam enai nee piriyaathe
enatharugil nee irunthaal thalai kaal puriyaathe
.. nijam thaane keladi ninai vellam neeyadi
.. nadamaadum poochedi nee ennai paaradi

ithu varai enggirunthoom ,,?
ithayamum unnai kekkurathe
penne engae marainthirunthaai
ennul eppadi nulainthu kondaai,,?

unakulle olinthiruntheen
uruvathil uthiramaai kalanthu iruntheen
unnai unakke theriyalaiyaa..?
innum ennai puriyalaiyaa..?

... naan sirithu magilinthu
silikum manathai nee koduthaai
.... naan ninaithu ninaithu.
rasikkum kanathai nee anaithaai.

enggeyo un mugam naan paartha njaabagam
eppotho unnudan naan vaalntha njaabagam

uyire en uyire ennavo nadakuthadi
adadaa intha nodi vaalvil inikuthadi
O.. oru nimidam oru nimidam enai nee piriyaathe

enatharugil nee irunthaal thalai kaal puriyaathe

.. nijam thaane keladi ninai vellam neeyadi
.. nadamaadum poochedi nee ennai paaradi....

unnudan irukkayile ..
.. nilavukkum siragugaL mulaikkirathe
ithuvarai naanum paartha nilavaa...
ithanai velicham kodutha nilavaa...aa?

unnudan nadakayile...
en nilal kandamai mariyathe
munne munne nam nilalgal
ondraai ondraai kalakkinrathe

.. nee pesum vaarthai serthu vaiththu vaasikkireen
un suvaasa kathru moochil vaanggi suvaasikkireen

. .. nijam thaane keladi ninai vellam neeyadi
.. nadamaadum poochedi nee ennai paaradi.

uyire en uyire ennavo nadakkirathu
adadaa intha nodi vaalvil inikkirathu

O.. oru nimidam oru nimidam enai nee piriyaathe
en arugil nee irunthaal thalai kaal puriyaathe

enggeyo un mugam naan paartha njaabagam
eppotho unnudan naan vaalntha njaabagam
..thaara..thaara...ratha rathathara thaara....
... naan vaalntha njaabagam ..
....thaara..thaara...

Leech

It landed
from nowhere
on his hands
Dark.. mysterious
he no entomologist
but he..
he knew..
it was a leech
The insect
that drains your blood
the insect that drains
your energy..

In a frenzy
he searched
like a man possessed
for a fire
Ah! the last stick
in a used box..
with all his energy
he tried
again and again and again
to light..
again and again and again..

His efforts.. alas!
were in vain..
one last time
one very last time..
he tried..
The flame
lightened his life..

the leech clung on
unrelenting
sticking to its last hope..
the last refuge..
hoping the small flame
would not kill...
Underestimation?
or did its ego
make it feel bigger?

The flames crept up
slowly surely
they burnt it..
It fell down
better off dead
all hopes broken
all dreams crumbling
and looked up at him
eyes filled with pain..

"Better you than me"
he said
and walked away
scarred....

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Love..

The breeze greeted him
Caressing his tears...
Was it consolation?
But why did tears flow
more so?
The cold water
that splashed
on his face...
Why did it sting?
His every step..
The pain..
oh! why was it so?
On a cold winter day
He was hot..
hot all over..
and he was cold..
shivering..

With each whispered word
with each silent touch
oh! How beautiful had the world been!

The mirror cracked
when he looked into it..
Children ran away..
scared of the monster
the monster that he was
the monster
that he looked like..

It was pity mere pity..
not something divine..
Why oh why?
The broken pieces
fluttered in the wind..
Familiar they were
the pieces
of his broken heart..

Scared he was
that they would scar
a passing stranger..
He carefully collected
the pieces too many
Assemble them he could not..
For few pieces
were still missing..
Still with her..
She whom he loved..
She whom he wanted..

Walked he did
searching for his maker..
Had he too shied away?
Had he too run away?
For woe it was he felt..
Woe at being
so undesirable..
Woe at being
so unimportant..
Staring at the sand..
the sand that bore her footprints..
The sand.. he treasured..
holding it close to his broken heart
the sand that cemented it
together..

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Chicken soup for the soul

A must read book for everybody. For those who have not read it, check the community in orkut.

http://www.orkut.com/Community.aspx?cmm=82535

The conquest

It slithered- silently
down the beautiful lane
lonely, all alone,
Lovely, to look at
mesmerizing, charming
a charm that entertained...

Too taken up was he
to notice the dead grass
that marked its path
Too carried away
by its beauty
to notice the breath that killed
to notice the mouth
that spit venom
to notice the eyes
that mesmerized
to merely strike
strike for pleasure

He came near
to merely hold it
this being so dear
the sparkling eyes
gazing deep into his
spellbound he stood
unaware till the strike

He gasped in surprise
defense.. he thought
and breathed his last
still... in love

It slithered away
scornfully
towards a new
unsuspecting conquest
looking back
at the many
lying lifeless.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Untitled

She held it in her hands..
her possession so dear
Recalling the pain
the pleasure she felt now
The pain she had undergone
before she had reached it..

Now, all she had
she had ever wanted.
For a moment,
She left it unguarded.
oh! it disappeared!
the very hand that had
helped her get it
held it now..
Mocking at her..
with eyes ablaze..

Was she the mere instrument?
The instrument that helped reach
an end so different
so vastly different from her dream??
The end.. filled with hate?

She merely shrugged.
The journey...
her travels..
her memories..
Hers and hers alone.

The prize she sought
was just the wrong one.
For what is yours
cannot be taken away
the greatest force fails
when it covets
for something..
not its own.

She set out
on a new travel..
all alone.
For the warrior never gives in.
The warrior also knows
when the battle is over.

A story i wrote for kids. :D

Once upon a time, in the city of banglore, lived two nice children called Uthara and Keshav. They had a house wit a big garden. In the garden, there was a rose bush. One day, Uthara saw two butterflies sitting on a rose. Naughty keshav was playing with a balloon in the garden. The balloon burst near the rose bush! The butterflies flew away. Uthara ran behind them. They sat on a tree trunk. A little squirrel chased them away. They sat on a stone. Their pet cat tom scared them away. They entered the house through the open window! An excited uthara ran to her mom. "Amma Amma Two butterflies came into the house!" Amma said "Go find out where they are." Uthara ran into the play room. No butterflies. Were they in the kitchen? No. The maid shooed her away. Were they in the bedroom?? No! Uthara opened her cupboard to make sure they weren't there. Keshav came running. "Uthara, Uthara, come lets watch power rangers!". An exhausted Uthara went to the hall. Oh! Who do you think was sitting on the globe on top of the television? The two butterflies! "Amma! Amma! Come soon"screamed Uthara. Amma opened the window and sent the two butterflies away!.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Unfair

My friend was just telling me about to a visit to an orphanage. That set me thinking. Here are kids who are deaf and blind. What am i doing usefully with the senses i have? I don't know. I am just thinking.
I take this moment to be happy with what all i have and seek to hone them rather than complain.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Words

Brilliant lyrics. I just love this song. (As someone remarked, I know i say that about every other song...:))

smile an ever lasting smile

a smile can bring you near to me
don't ever let me find you gone
'cause that would bring a tear to me
this world has lost its glory
let's start a brand new story
now my love
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

talk in ever lasting words
and dedicate them all to me
and I will give you all my life
i'm here if you should call to me
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

this world has lost its glory
let's start a brand new story
now my love
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

Monday, October 08, 2007

Broken wings

She saw it far away
the bird that had
a wonderful song
The song she loved
The song she had wanted
all along.

She chased it
her desire giving her wings
Magically, she flew
She flew
she flew
tiring herself...
Finally catching up

It turned
oh! what was it she saw
there in its eyes
Nothing but pride!
The chase of hers
had created it.
In her frenzy,
dumb girl, she was
had not noticed
the song was reduced
to a cackle.
Laughing it was at her
Laughing at her desire,
Laughing at her love
for its song..

Alas! Her wings broke
she fell down
deep into the valley
of fear,loneliness and sorrow..
the long forgotten song
echoing in her heart.

Friday, October 05, 2007

The seat

This was definitely the end of the world. Hers at least.All that she had ever worked for. Her work, her trials, her sacrifices, 20 years of her life. It was all over. One setback. All these years, she had taken everything. All her dark clouds in hope of one silver lining. But this rejection! She could not take it anymore. She was tired of it all. Tired fighting alone. She remembered the pills. They were there, safe from prying eyes in her bedroom. The table by her bedside.Her one companion-constant,silent and stable. She trudged wearily to the terminus.She quickened her pace as she neared. The quicker she put an end to her misery the better. The faster she ended it all, the better. Nobody cared about her anyway. Not even him. He who had created her in the first place. Her presence or absence dint matter. It made no difference in the world.She was just one among the many.

The bus was almost rolling out when she reached the terminus. On a normal day the optimistic woman she had been, she would have waited for the next bus.Not today but. She was in a hurry. A hurry to end it all. The kiss of death.She was a coward. Jumping in front of a moving bus to die, dint catch her fancy. What if somebody saved her? What if she was not killed but just wounded? Crippled, for life? What about the people who saw her? Their disgust? It would not matter anyway. Not where she was going. Her cowardice and fear won over in the end. The painless way out was anyday better. The pain, never could she bear. She avoided it. Always. She ran behind the bus hoping to catch it.

In college, it seems a long time ago now. She had this lab once a week. There was a glass plate in her place. It had fallen down so many times. Never broke but. One fine day, it just slipped from her hand and fell on the table. A drop of merely an inch. It broke into pieces. Her teacher mentioned something about fracture mechanics. She never could follow the jargon anyway. To her, the glass was like human beings. They accumulated all the hatred inside themselves. A minor incident would let out all of it. She had watched relationships end over seemingly minor issues. Always the spectator.

Wasn't she in a way the glass now? Bigger falls she had survived. This minor one was breaking her apart.No use thinking about it now. It was too late. Funny how quickly thoughts cross the mind. She had been running behind the bus thinking. The bus screeched to a halt and the conductor impatiently waved her in. Another woman got in with her. One of those nameless faces that was there everywhere in the planet. The ladies seats were all occupied. "Great!An uncomfortable journey. The last one anyway!"She was looking around the bus. Staring at the faces she saw. Memorizing them. The lady who had gotten in with her got a seat. She was motioning her to come. She dint move. The lady waved impatiently. She walked and took the window seat offered and murmured her thanks. She watched the sky. The clouds parted and the sun shone with all his radiance. Suddenly, she felt this warmth within. A reassurance that all was not lost. It was a mere gesture.But one of affection. From one stranger to the next. He had created all of them. His presence. She saw it in the sky. She saw it in the stranger. He did care. In his own way, he was showing her his presence. What if the publisher had found her work of five years plain crap? It was maybe, an indication that she should work on her next novel. Or maybe one to show that she should search for a new publisher. It was his loss for all she knew.

Her misery, this suffering, this pain,they were to test the glass. But then, she realized, she was not the glass. She, was a diamond. Ready to withstand all the pressure. The clouds that had threatened a storm disappeared. She reached home and started her next work.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Diary

I used to keep a diary once. I was very regular. The fear of people reading it was always there. I started writing in some code which only i understood. But then, nowadays, i stopped. Now thanks to blogger, i have my own private blog. Its hardly been two days and i have been posting like crazy. The fact that none can read it and none will judge is such an outlet. Though i seldom really get affected by what people say, having a blog all to myself to write down whatever i think is great. I am loving it. Of course, flaunting it to myself at least. :)

Friday, September 28, 2007

Two roads

He sees two roads.. One his dream. One his reality. A chance to choose one. The choice is his. Its his life after all. His dream..A chance to follow his heart. A chance to live life in his own terms. Should that be the path he takes? He imagines the sneers. He foresees the difficulties.

The simpler route beckons him lovingly. Carefree, secure life. What is a dream? You can achieve much more here. "Choose me!" it commands him.A chance to be secure. A chance to wallow in comfort. "Just be practical!" it whispers in his ear.

He just stands and thinks. Should sneers dissuade him? Is the compromise worth it? NO! He knows. He choses. The right path. His path and his alone.He choses.. to live.

Monday, September 24, 2007

The chase

She sits,the lonely poet
with a crystal ball
Hoping to catch a glimpse
of what life holds
for her..

No matter how much
or how long she stares,
the same fate peeks
from behind the mist...

She reaches out
filled with excitement
to touch it
only to watch it disappear..
time and again.

oh! Why does it appear??
If all it can
is stay away??
Does it want to be near too?
Does the creator understand
her longing,pain and fears?
Or does he just want her
to pursue?

A pursuit she knows
will bring her only sorrow
a pursuit she knows
will break her heart

The joy of the chase
she can not
give up..
The pleasure
in living life
in her own terms...

She just chases
stopping to rest
once in a while...

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The mist

A long walk
he had ahead
His exhausted state
somehow did not help...
Slowly, smoothly she came down
his dear mist
cooling him down
invigorating him..
Happily in her company
he skipped ahead
and finally almost
reached his destiny

Oh! But where did she go now?
She disappeared
in a blinking..

Was she a companion
in just times of sorrow?
Did she come in
just to disappear?

From a distance,
she watched his surprise
How could he understand??
She had the power to suffocate
constant company
she never could be
for suffocation and sorrow
would set in..

She moved away..
in search of a new traveler..
whose burden she could
make light..
by her mere presence..
She.. was the mist

The mist that never
ever could stay
familiarity.. could breed contempt
all she wanted
was love...
From the traveler

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Take me away-- Avril Lavigne

I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do

[Chorus:]
All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

[Chorus]

I'm going nowhere (on and on and)
I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on)
Take me away
I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on)
(and off and on)

[Chorus]

Take me away
Break me away
Take me away

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The message

There i see him
Atop the mountain
lonely and forsaken..
The lines on his face
i see the struggles
The wrinkled smile
i see the hope
Hope of a better tomorrow?
Or is it the want
to be taken away
from all the pain?
I see the wise eyes..
Know they do
that tomorrow never comes

A loser he is not
to want to escape
for even in pain,
he doth have some pleasure
some pleasure
that helps him smile..

A warrior is he
who never gives in
A warrior he is
who continues his battles
I watch him
from the shadows
his smile i feel
becomes bigger

Is it directed
at my ignorance?
Moments later,
he disappears..
The sudden thought
enters my mind
he is i think
communicating with me.

Child, he calls..
a warrior aint he
who never gives up
a warrior
is he
who knows when
to stop fighting

I just wonder
Should I?
But then, when?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Ten things i like about Banglore

A friend of mine says that my vocabulary has nowadays become limited to "Dumb city"."I dont like Banglore" Yesterday, i spent some time thinking about what in Banglore that i actually like.For a change forgetting the pollution and the crowds. This is the list i came up with.
1) The 100 free sms i get per day.
2) The tree i see from my office window.
3) The bird i sometimes see in the lake(well it was a lake) near my place.
4) The kid who sits next to me in the bus and sleeps peacefully.
5) My cousins. :)
6) The wide variety of books i get.
7) The Ulsoor lake.
8) My morning walk.
9) My independence.
10) The occasional grey sky

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Boulevard of broken dreams- Green day

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The calm beauty

I see you..
I sense the calm
I can feel the peace
Your beauty, serenity
never cease to amaze me..

The rising sun,
glows he does
with pride and joy
just above you.
Joy at being mirrored
by you- the ultimate beauty..
Pride- for he does
take away a bit of you
when he shines
with all his glory.

You slowly, caress the feet
of the little kid
playing near you
as though
to reassure him
that you will always,
be his playmate true...

Many lonely hearts find solace
Looking at you..
To them, you are
the constant companion
who can drive away
their inner demon-loneliness

You feed mouths too many
with your endless gifts
Gifts that end one life
to feed another.
The life that ends,
soon replaced by one
that learns to survive

I look at you mesmerized
Your waves- your footprints
leaving behind their mark
on mans domain

The power you hold
over our lives
The gentle self control
you easily possess
Men too many
lie lifeless in you
Men too many live
just because of you
What is it that drives you?
I see this deceptive peace in you
that calms me..

Thursday, August 23, 2007

The sky and the wind...

Oh ye tired traveller,
resting under the tree
look at the sky above
It is but your life.
Dreams, Joys and dissappointments,
just clouds that visit.
The dark cloud of sorrow
may stay for too long
But it doth come
to simply pass.

The wind of hope
will chase it away
and thou shall rest
under the shadow of peace.

For everything that comes,
has to pass by.
Every moment of pleasure
and also those of pain..

Pain or even pleasure
doth not come to stay.
Nothing... can ever
last forever
Face the storms of change
and walk forth
the world- all yours..

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Redundant.. but then cant help it!

Numb- Linkin Park

Such brilliant lyrics..

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The reason-- Hoobastank

Such beautiful lyrics!

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

i'm not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you

Monday, August 20, 2007

Some quotes that caught my attention

The thing you fail to see is that right in front of your eyes

The wind of separation blows out the fire of weak relationships and kindles the strong ones.

Take the first step in faith. You dont have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.

Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?

Decay is inherent in all compound things. Work out your own salvation with diligence.

Life is an unbroken succession of mental and physical processes which keep people in a continual state of change.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The winner

Sometimes in life,
the path seems strewn
with thorns real sharp..
For every step forward,
a move back by two.
For every tiny victory,
comes some major failure..
Every word spoken,
has an effect- totally ill.
Every breath taken,
smothering the soul,
failing easily to revive it.
Every word the ear hears,
filled with the poison
of either envy or hatred.

Oh ye eternal winner!
Be not put off..
The world all yours to conquer.
The soul all yours to master.
Born you were to win..

Move forth facing challenges..
and defeating even
the impossible ones.
The winner ain't he
who never fails

The winner who can
rise after each fall
who can face
the wind of defeat
and sail against it..
who can face
words, thoughts and deeds
real negative
and still, somehow,
radiate a positive air..
Somehow carry
the heavy burden of sorrow
and move forth
with a smile-real charming
and very very true...

The winner..
the real winner
I bow to thee..

Monday, August 13, 2007

To be a true friend is to die together???

I was reading the newspaper yesterday.( I do that once in a blue moon) There was this tiny write up that caught my attention. 4 girls studying tenth standard in banglore had attempted suicide together. They had left a suicide note stating that nobody was responsible for their deaths! They had wanted to be together in death or something like that. Of the 4, 3 are now dead and one is struggling for her life in a hospital.
My thought immediately went to the lone survivor. How she would be received by her family. How is her life going to be after this incident? Will she be labeled as the would be suicide? How can she conquer her inner demons? She must have seen her friends dying. How is she ever going to live with that?
I next thought about the group as such.(For those of you already a bit bored, i have only one thing to say in my defense. I had a lot of time to think and after a long time, some incident affected me.) I read in a magazine recently that it is the personality of a child is shaped by his/her friends more rather than parents or relatives. I have not experienced it in my life. ( But then, they say that you can never see your own faults.)
Coming back to the girls, I do not know why they decided on such a horrible way out. Does it reflect their lack of faith in life? Did they not get enough time and attention from parents? Did they feel unloved,unwanted by all but their group of friends? To what can one attribute the insecurity of teenagers?
I have seen lots of groups in college too. People i feel who stick together because they have to. This group behavior is a fake self esteem boosting mechanism. It gives one a false sense of security. I don't know if it succeeds in boosting a person's self confidence and self respect. What happens in school, continues in college and later in the workplace also. I just hope not many fall victim to it. I just wish that friends boost a person's confidence and inspire self respect.

I want to thank my friends now. They have helped me conquer my ego,increased my self respect and given me confidence.

Friday, August 10, 2007

If...

My first short story..

She was sitting there in her usual place. Ajay was used to seeing his sister sitting near the window. Her favorite haunt since she was a kid. True,she was almost 25 now,had traveled far and came home once in a while. Sometimes he felt if she came only to sit near the window and stare into eternity.As if in a trance. Today, she had an album open in her lap. This particular photo had caught her fancy for long. Now that was a new thing coming from his sister. She was like the butterfly that jumped from one flower to another. Never staying in one. Easily bored. He often wanted to become a mind reader and watch the thoughts running through her head. They had never been really close. To him, she was the most fascinating person in the world. The one person who could make him do anything willingly. He adored her. She suddenly turned to look at him and smiled. He went and took the album from her lap. It had photos of her friends. He wondered if anyone had ever been able to win her affection. If her spinsterhood was a reflection of an unrequited love. True, the image of a lover did not suit her. But once in a while, he liked to imagine her as more human.More emotional and at least a bit more affectionate than how she was at home. She was looking at the photo in his hand. "That was Ashok" she said and went back to her trance.So it was him thought young Ajay and smiled to himself. Now the imaginary hero in his mind had a face.

Pooja remembered that day very well. It was in her second year of college. She was sitting in the library lost in a tolkein. Ashok came out of nowhere and asked her if she could tell him when she was done with the book.He wanted to read it. He got her number and gave her his.Surprisingly,she bothered to let him know when she returned the book. They became good friends in a few weeks.Not the inseparable filmy friends. Just the kind of friendship that strangers pitted together in a new place have. She had her own circle of friends. A social butterfly, she was pretty active in all her college activities. Ashok was a book worm. He loved music. Their love for books and music brought them together. Once in a while, they spent some time discussing mutual interests.Two years flew by. Soon it was time to graduate. The last day of college, pooja got her scrap book from ashok. Only that day,she had realized that life would never be the same anymore. She would be away from all that she had learnt to love. The moment she looked at ashok,she realized that she would miss him a lot. Not him she corrected herself. The idea of a friends like him.Not that she could term their relationship love. She was never the one for deep emotions. It was the one attachment that she did not want to lose.Maybe because,it had never been a commitment. But then, she was sensible enough to not let her slippery emotions get the better out of her. She simply wished him all the best and walked away, her head held high. He continued too look at her,his only friend,sometimes,he felt,his only love.

5 years later,today she remembered their last day together. They hadn't been in contact much.Many more music lovers,painters and industrialists had walked in and out of her life. None leaving this deep an impression. She hadn't had time to miss her college or anything associated with it.True, it had been the best days of her life.But now, she enjoyed this responsibility. She did not want any commitments and laughed about the fleeting secret infatuation of hers. He was in some other corner of the world,lost in Zakhir husain and tolkein, munching the hot samosas made by his wife. By a funny coincidence, looking at the same snap of theirs.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

The reason

Time was ticking away. With each second that flew by, Anu's tension just escalated. She was getting all the more irritated too. The day had started like any other. NO!! She told herself. Not like a usual day. On a normal day, her 20 minute walk to the terminus would have got her a seat in the bus. Today, she had been literally squashed. (To the extent that she felt like a used lemon peel.)She had been pushed back and forth thanks to the empty space near her. (She had used all her skills to approximate it to 5cm^2) "The presence of the conductor who was 'doing his duty' can be compared to a pumpkin in the tightly packed grape fruit box" she thought trying to humour herself.Having nothing to do except attempt to breathe, she started thinking about her previous day.

Memories of the previous night came flooding back.Her son Sonu had been crying the whole night complaining of a pain in his tummy. He had dozed off in the wee hours of the morning. She had just managed some two hours sleep.To top it all, sonu had been crying in the morning also. "Amma.. Amma.. "His voice echoed in her head. "My pencil is missing." She had tried telling him that she'd get him another one."I want only my new green pencil!" All he did was cry and scream.Her attempts to trace the pencil proved futile. She slapped the crying kid. "Open your mouth once again and i will lock you inside the house." She had screamed. Her scream had scared him to silence. She took him with her and got him a new pencil in the shop. His whimpers somehow had never ceased. She should have left with her husband.The unnecessary detour delayed her. They should appoint a maid to take care of their son.His tantrums were becoming unmanageable nowadays.

She completed the rest of her journey (1hr,5minutes, 35 seconds her watch told her.) standing. The only thing she felt like doing was to sleep her day away.But that wasn't to happen. Her day had begun just then. Hurrying to the office, she started getting things ready for her board meeting at ten. A glance at her watch told her she just had fifteen minutes left."Everything will be perfect." she told herself. Crossing her fingers, she looked at the file pile. The blue file was missing! She was busy searching for the file. But her mind was elsewhere. Sonu's screams haunted her.

Where was the file now?She knew the MD would be angry if she went to meet him without it. He was really irritating when it came to board meetings. He wanted everything done in his own way. Anu was infuriated with that. She had the same problem with SOnu too. It was immaterial that the MD was 40 and Sonu just 5.Sometimes, she felt that she was on the verge of insanity thanks to their antics. She regretted the day she became a working mother. She had bored her friend rama with her favorite dialogue, "I never should have become a mother." She got up and pushed the chair into the table. Her sari was caught. Bending down to release it, she found the blue file caught between the table and the wall. Cursing herself, she grabbed it and rushed to meet her employer.

Wondering for the thousandth time as to why she continued with her job, she went to the board room carrying all the files and a plastered smile. After the usual diplomatic(but still petty) squabbles, the meeting finally came to an end. "One moment Anu, come to my office." She heard her MD. Surely, it wasn't a smile in his face?!In his spacious room, Anu shivered slightly. Thankfully, she could blame the air conditioner for that. She hoped her nervousness did not show. The MD welcomed her with a grin. " I just wanted to appreciate the work you do Anu. Even today, it was only because of your meticulous preparation that i did not lose my face in the meeting. I just thank my parents for having found me a lovely wife like you. Life would have been very different without you in the office and in our house. Thank you Anu." He continued talking. But she was oblivious to everything. All her anxiety and sorrow disappeared. The weight in her heart just lifted. "Thank you Alex. I needed it today."she told her husband of almost a decade and left the room with a smile on her face.

She left the office early. She wanted to go home to her son. Thankfully, she got a seat in the crowded bus. For the first time in her life, she smiled at a fellow passenger. The surprised little girl returned her smile. Sonu had already come home from school and was playing with his dog. Her guilt resurfaced when she saw him. On seeing her, he came running with the dog at his heels. "Mom!! See what i did in school! It is for you!" In his hand was a card made of his notebook paper. He had written a very simple line. "The bhesht Mommmy in the hole world". He had drawn a few flowers, a stick figure of a boy and a dog."See there is snoopy playing with me in the garden! I drew it with my new pencil!" He said his beautiful eyes shining with excitement. " I am a good boy amma. I will not lose my pencil again." he said and ran off to play with his four legged friend.To anu, the card seemed to outweigh all the achievements listed in her resume.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

A life time

The sky as i saw then
through the tree tops
clear,cloudy,sometimes
with the sun too happy
is no longer there.
The same sky..
somehow, a bit different.

The long winding roads,
whose every curve
i know by heart
The road, who has been by me
helping me travel
from the minute I stepped
into the college of my dreams..
The road in which i have walked
with friends too many
The same road saw me walk
all alone with a heavy heart...

The some road through which,
I rushed out of my hostel
to meet someone special,
to meet deadlines-intent,
to eat to my hearts content
to work and research,
to find and to search.
cycling my way to glory
to write tests too many.
to watch movies..
sometimes to just walk..
Will it remember me today?
Or was I just another traveler?

My very special room,
which sheltered me for a year..
How I slept!!
Does it remember
the nightmares i woke up from?
The dreams i loved to dream?
The dirty clothes in the chair?
the treasured gifts in my table?
my favorite posters?
my over crowded cupboard?
I can only hope...

My ever loving friends..
the birthdays special
the rude awakenings
of body and soul
the friendly chats,
the pleasurable night outs
How can i forget
our 'illuminated' souls?
movie shows-exclusively
before exams...
last moment project work...
the many hostel meals
made special by mere company
2 souls cramped
in a bed for one.
The missed shots,
the many rallies
the wounds- in body and soul
The many who walked in
the few who walked out
of my life...

The mere three years,
to me, seem like a lifetime.
The girl who walked in
changed many times over
rediscovering her self.
Acknowledging and accepting
things that never were before
Found i have treasurable
relationships- oh! too many
Found I have that i can
be wrong- very often at that..
That I can face challenges
That I can fall down
to Rise but- definitely

I don't know whether
to cry or to smile...
The precious moments,
have just flown by
The brilliant memories
all mine to treasure.
I smile for I have
found myself.
I just don't want
to cry..
for my lost innocence
for the lost old self..
and yes.. Those irreplaceable moments
Memories can any second
be revisited.

My reshaped personality
walking under this new sky
inhaling the fresh air..
Enjoying this living moment
savoring my wonderful memories
Glad to be alive
Glad to be Myself.
I am I
I will be me.
Thank you Pilani...

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Ramas poem

niya en nilave !!
rasithen unadhu aalandha alagiya aanmaiyai,
unadhu aanavamilla menmaiyana garvathai,
un uvamai illa ganniyathai ,
un oppatra thoranaiyai,
un mounathaal ne uraikum kavidhaigalai,
un idhlooram pookum melliya punnagaiyai
brahmithen unnai kandavudan naan seiyum vaarthai thedalai
sugithen unnaval naan unmeedhu konda kaadhalai,
yaasithen indha iniya iravu enrenrum needika.

en iruda valvirku oli serthadhu
unnai ariyamal en mel vilundha un bimbam,
adhai en ullathin ul araiyil bathiramaga vaithu pooti konden.
inru ennidam ulladhu un bimbam mattum thaan !

naan virumbadha indha vidiyal
uyarthiyadu en neer nilaiyai..
thaneerinal alla unnai enni naan sindhiya kan neerinnal !!
indha peroli en ovovru anuvirkum oli serthu ennai prakasika seidhalum
naan valvadho un kadai kan paarvai kaga mattum thaan !

unnudan kanavil valndha andha uraindha kannangalai mattum enni kondu
thodargiradhu
adarndha irulai noaki
thelindha in neerodaiyin payanam !!

A tamil poem by rama

pirivu
------
sil enra kaatru...shruthiketra paatu..
yedhirolikum kuralgal...galagala vena
siripoligal.
ennai sutri mugam arindha makkal..
irupinum adargiradhu thanimai !
kodumaiyilum kodumai !!

thaayin thalai kodhum viralgal
thandhaiyin kannil minnum paasam
sagodharanin sinnanchiru siripu,
thozhi in anbana oru anaipu
thozhanin urukamana kai kulukal

ivai anaithum en manadhidam sollamal sonna
kaaviyangal
uraika iyalla uyir oviyangal..
indha mounathai ennul vidhaitha
virutchangal..
indha sogathai vaditha visithira sirpigal
indha thanimai parisalitha paasamigu
paravasangal

yetren andha parisai...
pudhaithen enadhu varthaigalai...
thodarandhen en payanathai...ninaivugaludan

thanandhaniyaga !!!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The scarf

He wore a handsome smile
Travelling all alone
His road stretched in front of him.
Content, He inhaled deeply
The smoke from the vehicles,greeted him.
Unscathed, he moves forth
with his smile, unaffected.
Noon it was then.
Lots of smoke he had inhaled.
As if to protect himself,
he took out his scarf.
The tears from his eyes
fell down pretty quick
drenching the land below.
Just for a few moments though
Recovering, he moved forth.
His scarf, he still sported
and continued riding
his chariot-with seven horses.

Mere mortals scared by his scarf,
get ready to shield themselves
with umbrellas-brand new.

Monday, July 23, 2007

The royal lady

In the middle of the concrete jungle,
there she stands,alone and erect
looking down at the passersby
confused and lost,most of them are
A stark contrast to the mighty lady
standing proudly amidst those unlike her.
Inhales she does, the same suffocating exhaust.
Her every breath though,saves many a life.

What has she gained?
Living here away from her kin
in a foreign place,
an unwelcoming one at that.

Years ago, she'd begged a ride
from the friendly wind
that cast her on an empty plot.
Generations she watched fly by
Changes she witnessed
for each one that went by.

The soil that nourished her
fertile no more
the company she had,long gone
Gone back to the soil,
back to the place called eternity

Her children,she had sent away
as far as they could go
An occasional wisp of wind
brought forth news of them.

Was she happy or was she sad??
Even the wind,her friend
who whispered numerous secrets to her
could never tell.
No one could know
No one i guess, ever bothered.
She just stood there, all alone,
majestic and mighty
Chasing death away
with the mere nod of her head.
The royal lady i really adore.

5 mistakes on a sunday afternoon

22.07.2007
I guess ill never forget this day for few months at least. It was a fine Sunday morning. I had a brilliant breakfast and set off with my friend to shop in the garden city. We shopped till both of us were damn tired.Thats when we made mistake no 1. We got into a bus that stopped some two stops away from where we were supposed to go. ( Her house.) After traveling comfortably for quite some time, we did mistake no 2. We got down in a traffic signal. It was some 1.5kms from home. Then we went forth to do mistake no 3. Too lazy to walk, we hired an auto. He asked for twenty bucks. Grudgingly we accepted and got in. Thats when mistake no 4 happened. When the autowala took a right turn,instead of going straight, we assumed he was taking a short cut. The thought of rushing home for a good lunch made us throw caution to the wind. He went throw deserted roads.(Now in banglore,thats something almost absent.) Finally he came to the main road.There were directions to get to kolar, manglore and banglore city from there. That did it.I asked him if he knew where he was going.(In my almost perfect Hindi.) He just muttered something about a road being blocked. (Mistake no 5,We should have realized there was no road block as we'd traveled through that road hardly 4 hours back!) Sadly, we let him go to his right turning. We landed up farther away from home. We were a)lost b)tired and c) looking at a meter which read Rs.65!
Convincing him to stop, we argued with him for a further 15 minutes about how much he actually should get. ( i guess people in that road had enough entertainment to last for their Sunday afternoon.)
Finally, thrusting a 50 Rupee note in his hand, i walked towards the bus stand, tired but wiser mouthing all possible bad words i knew.
I still dont know if he was smart enough to sense that we were new to the city or if i was dumb to have gotten into an auto in the first place.
Lessons for the day
a)Never get into an auto in banglore
b)If you know an area well, walk the distance. Dont be lazy!
c)Buy a banglore city map!
If you still think you are smarter than me, (which i guess you anyway will) go ahead! Lighten your purse!

Monday, July 09, 2007

My inner hero!

My Inner Hero - Wizard!



I'm a Wizard!


There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.



How about you? Click here to find your own inner hero.

The potter Mania

The harry potter mania is all around.What with the 5th movie being released this weekend and the seventh book sometime this month. I am not a very great fan of potter.I enjoyed the first two books a lot.The same can not be said of the rest.I just read all six because i had to.
I was just watching the first three movies yesterday(the credit of making me a couch potato goes to HBO!) I then set about thinking as to who my favorite character actually was.Surprisingly,I realized my favorite character did not feature in the first two books.Sirius hands down won the race ahead of Lupin,Malfoy and Snape.
I just love Sirius's loyalty and his sense of humor.It was his loyalty to his friend that kept him alive and sane in the place everyone was going mad in.He was able to handle a lot of stress.I realized,that in real life, I'd like to be a mixture of Sirius and lupin.The one nice thing about potter series is the underlying philosophy in each book and the inner strength and beauty of all her characters.Even the dark ones are characterized very beautifully and sensibly.
I'm just trying to relate fact and fiction by observing the homo sapiens around me and searching for the traits i read about in them.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Some time..

I have some time.
Some time to think,
Some time to ponder
over deeds and words
which somehow break the heart
and bring forth tears.
Some time to just sit back,
and dream and dream and dream

For a moment,
I pause to question myself.
Does the farther future,
warrant so many dreams?
Is the dead past,
and the unborn future
killing my present day?

Shaken by the thought,
I decide,
that the present
is all I have.

These precious 'some times'
are mine and mine alone.
Some time, in which,
i will do,
what i really want to.
Some time,to relax
Some time to befriend
the idiot box.
Some time, to catch up
with fictious friends
of novels too many.
Some time to socialise,
Some time to wander
aimlessly down memory lane.
Definitely,some time to wonder
about the glorious thing
called future
and learn from past deeds
to make my present
all the more better.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Dreams in darkness

In a dreary hole
she lives..
forever in darkness.
Hatred,sorrow and neglect-
her best friends till date..
Neither day nor night she knows....
for there anguish-
forever abounds....
Enveloped by a huge mist
of sorrow,
she somehow sleeps.

Dreaming although-
colorful dreams.
Love,joy and care:
she forever seeks.
with a will-
that could easily
knock down any hill.

In the darkness
she dreams-
heart filled
with hope..
From reality-
she easily escapes..
Somehow u can dream-
only in the darkest of nights.
Forever this is
her mantra true..
that to dream
u need darkness too...
Thus in her life-
she's always lived-
with hope that
the light of love...
can somehow
drive away
even the darkest night.

The lost piece

Old one..

Wanted i a heart-
to care...

One fine day,
it came my way....

Days flew by....
sans a single sigh....

This affection i felt...
would never die....
Just like that-
it went away...
Down below...
fell my heavy heart....
scattering pieces all around...

Somehow,i joined,
the numerous bits...

Oh! a piece-
still not found..

The wound in here...
unable to heal.

Cracks i felt-
just everywhere...

The pain right there-
quite unbearable...

Easily it stole-
my beauty sleep...

A barrier i have-
for real laughter,
with the weight-
of a patched heart...
pulling me down....

Joy it is-
i badly want.
Hope it is-
i truly seek...

A broken spirit-
moves around...
forever seeking,
the one lost piece....

Memories haunt-
each passing day...

Oh! real joy...
do come my way.....

Gone with the Wind

One of my favorite poems.I guess,the first mature one i wrote..

Gone with the wind are those days of joy,
When life was just a room full of toys...
Clear skies full of love,
Happiness-just like a dove.
Fine weather without hate...
No use just cursing fate.

Now...
Thunder storms fill my world.
Nothing more important than gold..
People around,ready to scold...
Life somehow...full of tears..
filled with unwanted fears..
Happiness never permanent...
A smile...still very important...
Faced with more dissapointment..
i find it tough,
to concentrate on improvement...

Solutions-seldom clear...
Problems tho-quite very near.
Gone with the wind are those days of joy.....

No one near to forever cheer...
To very few you are dear....
Encouragement v seldomhear...

But,i have the freedom to fly,
in my very own beautiful sky.
A tiny compromise i made...
Responsibility seems tough....
No more can i ever be a child...
Here i stand...as an adult real new...
Ready to give my life
its own beautiful hue.

The Rebirth

From an old blog.. :D
The heat frying me
each passing day,
I try to keep
my emotions at bay...

Somehow cool,
from the inside..
I am at peace
with myself..

The shower of love,
washes away,
all hatred inside..
A rebirth i've had,
this summer....
killing all,
dark monsters in me..

The brightness of love,
chases away,all the darkness around.
A friend in need,
to really help,
and forever care,
i found...

In that love,
i gained my ground...
For each door that closed,
a window i found..
For each tear shed,
a day of happiness
i gained..

All the sorrow
i brooded over,
seems so insignificant..

Thank you
dear friend,
just like u,
each second i live,
my love,
i shall give...
to those who need..
and crave for it...

Words

Another old one.I guess on the same lines as the previous poem.

Rock hard
i felt,
had i a heart...

Nothing could ever
hurt it anyway...

Words of hatred,
heard i one day...
filled with hatred,
anger and jealousy...
uttered by friends so called.

Oh! but not to me
not to me...

Happily they give
a smile real fake..
Easily,
sentences of praise they pile...

The minute
i move away,

Lines and lines
of hatred pout..
Mistakes too many,
they can find in me...

Flaws innumerable,
so simple
for them to see...

Behind my back,
they have a knack
to say what they think
i lack.

Broke these did
my heart one day...

Tears i shed
for even
that rock
really bled..

Fake smiles,
false words,
worthless cries
of encouragement..

Are these what
I've got for my feelings true??

Cowards i've found.......
too many in number..

There are few,
still too true..

Oh! Is this what
balance is all about?

Real friends who care,
who cant forever bear,
even the tiniest tear...

Few they might be..
but still to me they give
a will to live
and loads
and loads of confidence.....

Reality

Just an old poem i wrote.It was in my other blog.Since i have decided to have just one blog,here it is.

Words,words and words are all I hear
meaning they do give me..
but I don’t want to comprehend..
I don’t..i really don’t..
somehow I cant seem to accept
simple reality.
simple very simple reality.

Thought I was surrounded
by friends-so loving..
Happy I was in my private galaxy
where things never go wrong..
words never scar hearts..
where love and affection
reign supreme

Eyes met..lips spoke..
but not the truth…just not the truth!
Heart to heart talks..
Those long lovely walks…
mirrored I thought plain acceptance
and that beautiful relationship..
everyone calls friendship.

Confident and satisfied,
I stood and looked
at a life filled with joy…

Wiped away these words did
my smile
an illusion was what
I’d always had..

Fake smiles and false hopes…
Words too many-
Seldom were they genuine.

Stood I that day
and a friend came my way
Unintentionally she uttered
a few words said by
So called friends..

Words…words…and words..
that’s what they were..
Plain words..
Force they had to
Knock down the tallest mountain.

Here I am..wiser than before..
Only after my heart tore…
My soul nursing a sore..

Takes it just a moment to speak
causes it does scars that run-
Real deep.very deep.
Friends many- they seem too
Hardly a handful true…
Search I do for a clue
Pointing to those few

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Chameleons and Homo Sapiens

I have always had this strange thought that human beings are part chameleons.Whenever i observe few people they somehow blend so much with the crowd that the whole gang becomes one entity. They laugh at things they never would when alone.Talk dirty and ooh and aah dumb comments.SOmehow losing their own identity.
Maybe the need to belong and be accepted seems more important than the need to exist as an indiviual.The few characters blend so much in them that it becomes their new habit.Eventually an old one.
I was analysing my favorite subject(me) and trying to find out where few characteristics came from.I was surprised that i did have few things in common with people i cant stand.I am a chameleon afterall.Just trying to be a pathetic one

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Mask

she was used to it. this familiar, soothing silence. The silence that gave her a feeling that nothing in the world existed except her. Nothing that really mattered. The silence that made her forget the pending assignment. The silence that comforted her soul and that way her body too. The distant screech shook her out of her slumber.She woke up unwilling to leave the comfort of the soft bed. Unwilling to face the unforgiving day. But then, she had no other go.

She had this wierd habit of looking at herself in the mirror as soon as she woke up. Maybe she felt to make sure she was not wearng any mask. Pretence, one thing she scoffed at.Sometimes, even she knew she was brutally frank.Getting by with the daily formalities, she proceeded to the bus stop, lovingly looking at her two wheeler parked outside. She loved the bus rides. Or rather, the comfort offered by the number of people who surrounded her. Each with some sort of worry. Each trying to battle his way out. Life afterall, is all about survival of the fittest! Looking at them, she knew she wasn't the only one with problems in life. The pessimistic her often mocked at the supposedly optimistic thoughts that once in a while crossed her head.

Reaching her desk, she browsed through the important life or death messages in her inbox. Somehow, her friend's heartbreak interested her no more. She reflected as to how unsympathetic she had become over the years. None gained her sympathy. Even the other day,she had had a tough time controling her laughter when radha was crying over her relationship with her teenage son.

People thought Sowmya had a pacifying face. She hated that deceptive look on her face which brought all depressed people in the neighbourhood to her. Be it that irritating five year old with her lost puppy or radha with her teenage son. Ravi walked into her cubicle with that useless impish grin on his face. Now, he never cribbed. She secretly welcomed his visits. He got her a cup of her favorite iced tea. Some advantages in being the managing director of a firm. You could get iced tea the first thing in the morning. She started rifling through the folders for the day. A formality she knew. Seldom was there anything wrong in them. Not that her employees were all that trust worthy. They were too scared of making any mistakes lest her father spot them and throw them into some nasty corner prison cell.

She was packing her bag that evening. All set for the capital. Her father wanted her by his side. He felt it was time she started taking over his empire.
Anything but marriage. Deciding to turn down all suitors. She reached her fathers house the next day. They still had her childhood room as she had left it some five years ago.

"We have a party in the house today evening" her father said as she came down for breakfast. She knew she was expected to act the role of a princess. Smiling at every familiar face that walked past her. The charming hostess handing down all the dishes carefully prepared by someone else.Accepting compliments and gliding past gracefully. She had stopped complaining about it long back. It was another part of her existence.Just like her bus ride.The party that day was grander than the many she remembered. Rahul was talking to her about his europe trip.

She was done for the day." I hope you like him." Her father was right behind her. She hadnt noticed him." You make a nice couple. This June would be an ideal time to get married. Youd be acquainted with the business by then." He left to send someone off before she could reply. Casting it aside as a mere whim of his, she went to her room and slept.

The car was down by the time she was done with the breakfast. Her father hated buses. No use trying to go alone in one. "Waste of time.These buses." She could still hear him turning her idea down the last time she was home. He led her to her cubicle. She was surprised to see another chair next to hers. "Rahul will be with you.""I thought that you two get better acquainted."She decided to convince her father aganst their marriage.
She argued with her father that night. An unsuccessful argument.She resigned herself to her fate and went to her bed.
A decade later,
Rahul was getting ready for the party that night. Sowmya had just then come down, all set. He was happy with his life. A very beautiful and rich wife. With such a pleasant attitude.He loved the smile that lightened her face always.Little Adarsh came running down the stairs.In his typical questioning tone,the little one asked,"Dad,why doesnt mom never look in the mirror?"
For the first time, Rahul noticed a peculiarity in his wife of almost a decade.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Acceptance

I was just browsing through orkut. Glancing through the different communities. I was saddened by few. One glorified Hitler's actions as correct. They even went to the extent of comparing Jews to muslims and saying that they should be eradicated from India. I love my country too. What i really think is that the greatness of India lies in her diversity. The mere fact that people whose cultures are so different, live together infact quite happily. Hitler was very intelligent. There is no doubting that. But he was a person who was ruled by hatred and the thought of vengence. Hatred when it rules a person causes nothing but destruction.
I realised recently, that hatred stands out for a longer time. I remembered many unpleasant memories rather than pleasant ones when i thought of few people i have met. I too am ruled by hatred. I was dissappointed in myself and decided to conquer the hatred in me. I am scared of the effort required. But i know that is what needs to be done...
The message that love can conquer everything is as old as the world itself.. But i somehow feel, it is not love for fellow beings that is the need of the hour. I feel its acceptance and an effort to understand someone whom you actually hate or someone you love.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Rejection

SHe stood there
her eyes mirroring
her sorrow..

It was a simple word..
One word
broke her heart
Never did she think
it would end this way

Never did one word
seem to hurt so much

Longingly she looked
for one last time
with all her heart wanting it

The construction set beckoned
all red and brand new
With the final look,
she followed her father out

Holding the other doll
tightly in her hands..
thinking about
the red set
sitting in the shelf.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

A brilliant journey

I am finally home after some 3 months. The train i came in was just 19hrs late and i had to miss the connecting train to my place. It was reason enough to crib. But for a change, i did not feel like it at all. It was an Ac train and i had all my close friends with me. We had a brilliant time together. Something i can look back to some few months later. The next time i see them would be in 2008. Maybe by some twist of fate, we would meet earlier. But considering the worst case scenario, i was thankful even for the delayed train.
From chennai to madurai, i got the last seat in an air bus. I was seated near a totally drunk guy.Now drinking and smoking are two vices i absolutely detest. The sensible conductor put me near a lady who was sitting alone. I was happy with the arrangement. But then, a very old couple with two kids got in and demanded the seat i was in. Back i went to the drunk chap. I was really tired after the train journey and was hoping to sleep in the bus. All hopes shattered, i just sat there. Somehow thankfully in my nice mood, i considered this as an experience.My plans of working in unknown faraway places came in to my head. 'This could be a good way to convince yourself you can survive alone.' Maybe, it was my positive attitude or maybe, it was my lucky day. A lady in the bus, got her husband to exchange seats with me. I was able to get my long needed sleep finally.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Random Ramblings

Here i stand..
just thinking
and recollecting
days gone by

The ghosts of the past
float by me
Some smile...
Some mock
A few actually
bring out
long forgotten tears
A few just
get me to ponder
A few What ifs
float by too

Mesmerised i stand
and watch them
mixing together
and finally
disappearing
as a whiff
back to where
they came from
down the depths
of my heart

Bid adieu i have
to too many along
my way
Each time
scared to face
the new day.

Each time
moving away
wanting
to regret the change
but then
unable to

Change,brilliant change
the thing
i despise
the thing
i love
the one thing
that always keeps
me alive

Friday, April 20, 2007

Her

She looks at me,
with a bright smile
on her beautiful face
Cheerful way to
start her new day.
Wears she does
her favorite dress
Choosing all accessories
very carefully..
Where did the vanity box go??
She finds it
beneath used tissues..

Carefully she powders
her nose
hiding the black circles
under her eyes.
Oh! the party last night!

She looks into my eyes
the eyes that mirror
her sorrow
The eyes that display
the truth to the world
the eyes that dont smile..
Eyes,oh eyes!

I drop my mirror
on the floor
Why do you never lie?
Why do you
prevent me
from convincing myself?
Cleaning up
the broken mirror,
I simply hide
the rest in my trunk.

Monday, April 09, 2007

The omnipotent force-fear

The uncrowned king moves forth
having claimed what is rightfully his.
Lands to many he has conquered
Glory he hath acquired
Wherever he goes,
cheers he doth hear

He walks past
his innumerable guards
armed to the teeth..
To his luxurious bed,
he moves forth
sleeping with his armour on
out of fear of an invisible enemy

Dreams just filled with blood
He somehow continues the battle
even then.
But then, a tougher one
The one within himself..
The everlasting battle
that continues to ceaselessly wage
inside his head..
Screams of death,
Rivers of blood,
Ravged souls...
just that...
The spoils of war,
haunt him
even in his throne..

Constantly on the watch
looks he does at his dog
and eats the leftovers of his taster.
Heavily clad he sweats around in summer
scared of a stray arrow,
he moves away from the lake...
looking at the sentry changing shifts
Wondering if even the throne
and the fear that he inherited...
could ever be..

Friday, April 06, 2007

Inspiration

The deep dark sky,
stretched above for miles..
Never ending it seemed to be
somehow that day emanating a gloom
like never before

Then it came
totally out of the blue..
a brilliant lightning too
Brightening up the sky
in an instant
Shedding light into the darkness
The stars, blinded
by its briliance,
just watched

But then oh!
It did disappear
brilliant as it was,
just a temporary whiff
thing that cant last forever

Still they shone
those little stars
Shine they do
with the moon
without the moon
not very bright
but then present always

I dont want to be
the cool bright moon
or the blinding lightning
I just want
to remain
as the omnipotent star

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Requiem for a dream

There are some movies, which have some make you wonder whats wrong with the world. Lose respect for mankind in general and ponder about your own life. Requiem for a dream is one such. Today started as a normal BITSian day (i.e with a tut). After my usual classes and a slightly out of routine lunch in annapoorna with friends, i sit down and start watching this movie. It starts with the guy carting away his mom's telivision set, with carefully constructed scenes, each brimming with reality, the movie continues. I was deeply affected by the role of the mother. The mother who is so lonely and wants afection. A TV show, her supposed saviour, changes her world. The son, addicted totally, becomes a drug dealer. A different face of the western culture. Something not often portrayed in movies. Something that shows that there are depressed lost people everywhere in the world. Be it dazzling, brilliant
America, or India or the remotest part of Africa. Everywhere, the problem is the same. What have I done about them? What can I possibly do? I am lucky enough to be one of the blessed few. Hope I do something to make this world a better place.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Genes...

Recently, i was wondering if genes really had that great an effect on ones personality. I was analyzing(yea.. thats the word) various traits of my brilliant personality(atleast i should call it so) and found few traits that resembled many of the people i knew(relatives). A few traits, i find disgusting in myself. traits i want to change were also i found, inherited. Now i have something to blame for my behaviour!! But jokes apart, one thing of which am convinced is the fact that my life my behaviour is in my hands. Not totally in my genes. I can change what i want to. I can live life the way i want to.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

All the worlds a stage

Na.. am not a great fan of shakespeare or something. This is the one line thats been constanty popping into my head for the past few days. Everyone, or almost everyone is busy trying to fit in and in that process, makes it seem to a crazy observer like me that there is a huge stage setup in which each very badly wants to be a mere accessory be it the eternal doormat or the useless stained tea cup that hasnt been washed in a few years. Maybe it sounds silly, but after discussion with an illuminated few, i have concluded that as far fetched as it seems, it is true. Consider this case. There is a particular group of not so bright people i know who act absolutely smart and actually believe that they are. Not only that, they even give an inferiority complex to pathetic observers(guess thats not the way to describe them tho!). I havent been able to change myself drastically to become an accessory in any kind of stage. A fact that i am proud of. Something i hope, i can keep up for the coming years. I know its going to be tough. Maybe, someday, in a sudden wish to become famous, i might become part of the stage set up of some idiotic place where i act smart but feel like a much trodden upon door mat. Maybe that day il read this blog and give up being a mere accessory and become my own self!