Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The calm beauty

I see you..
I sense the calm
I can feel the peace
Your beauty, serenity
never cease to amaze me..

The rising sun,
glows he does
with pride and joy
just above you.
Joy at being mirrored
by you- the ultimate beauty..
Pride- for he does
take away a bit of you
when he shines
with all his glory.

You slowly, caress the feet
of the little kid
playing near you
as though
to reassure him
that you will always,
be his playmate true...

Many lonely hearts find solace
Looking at you..
To them, you are
the constant companion
who can drive away
their inner demon-loneliness

You feed mouths too many
with your endless gifts
Gifts that end one life
to feed another.
The life that ends,
soon replaced by one
that learns to survive

I look at you mesmerized
Your waves- your footprints
leaving behind their mark
on mans domain

The power you hold
over our lives
The gentle self control
you easily possess
Men too many
lie lifeless in you
Men too many live
just because of you
What is it that drives you?
I see this deceptive peace in you
that calms me..

Thursday, August 23, 2007

The sky and the wind...

Oh ye tired traveller,
resting under the tree
look at the sky above
It is but your life.
Dreams, Joys and dissappointments,
just clouds that visit.
The dark cloud of sorrow
may stay for too long
But it doth come
to simply pass.

The wind of hope
will chase it away
and thou shall rest
under the shadow of peace.

For everything that comes,
has to pass by.
Every moment of pleasure
and also those of pain..

Pain or even pleasure
doth not come to stay.
Nothing... can ever
last forever
Face the storms of change
and walk forth
the world- all yours..

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Redundant.. but then cant help it!

Numb- Linkin Park

Such brilliant lyrics..

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The reason-- Hoobastank

Such beautiful lyrics!

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

i'm not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you

Monday, August 20, 2007

Some quotes that caught my attention

The thing you fail to see is that right in front of your eyes

The wind of separation blows out the fire of weak relationships and kindles the strong ones.

Take the first step in faith. You dont have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.

Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?

Decay is inherent in all compound things. Work out your own salvation with diligence.

Life is an unbroken succession of mental and physical processes which keep people in a continual state of change.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The winner

Sometimes in life,
the path seems strewn
with thorns real sharp..
For every step forward,
a move back by two.
For every tiny victory,
comes some major failure..
Every word spoken,
has an effect- totally ill.
Every breath taken,
smothering the soul,
failing easily to revive it.
Every word the ear hears,
filled with the poison
of either envy or hatred.

Oh ye eternal winner!
Be not put off..
The world all yours to conquer.
The soul all yours to master.
Born you were to win..

Move forth facing challenges..
and defeating even
the impossible ones.
The winner ain't he
who never fails

The winner who can
rise after each fall
who can face
the wind of defeat
and sail against it..
who can face
words, thoughts and deeds
real negative
and still, somehow,
radiate a positive air..
Somehow carry
the heavy burden of sorrow
and move forth
with a smile-real charming
and very very true...

The winner..
the real winner
I bow to thee..

Monday, August 13, 2007

To be a true friend is to die together???

I was reading the newspaper yesterday.( I do that once in a blue moon) There was this tiny write up that caught my attention. 4 girls studying tenth standard in banglore had attempted suicide together. They had left a suicide note stating that nobody was responsible for their deaths! They had wanted to be together in death or something like that. Of the 4, 3 are now dead and one is struggling for her life in a hospital.
My thought immediately went to the lone survivor. How she would be received by her family. How is her life going to be after this incident? Will she be labeled as the would be suicide? How can she conquer her inner demons? She must have seen her friends dying. How is she ever going to live with that?
I next thought about the group as such.(For those of you already a bit bored, i have only one thing to say in my defense. I had a lot of time to think and after a long time, some incident affected me.) I read in a magazine recently that it is the personality of a child is shaped by his/her friends more rather than parents or relatives. I have not experienced it in my life. ( But then, they say that you can never see your own faults.)
Coming back to the girls, I do not know why they decided on such a horrible way out. Does it reflect their lack of faith in life? Did they not get enough time and attention from parents? Did they feel unloved,unwanted by all but their group of friends? To what can one attribute the insecurity of teenagers?
I have seen lots of groups in college too. People i feel who stick together because they have to. This group behavior is a fake self esteem boosting mechanism. It gives one a false sense of security. I don't know if it succeeds in boosting a person's self confidence and self respect. What happens in school, continues in college and later in the workplace also. I just hope not many fall victim to it. I just wish that friends boost a person's confidence and inspire self respect.

I want to thank my friends now. They have helped me conquer my ego,increased my self respect and given me confidence.

Friday, August 10, 2007

If...

My first short story..

She was sitting there in her usual place. Ajay was used to seeing his sister sitting near the window. Her favorite haunt since she was a kid. True,she was almost 25 now,had traveled far and came home once in a while. Sometimes he felt if she came only to sit near the window and stare into eternity.As if in a trance. Today, she had an album open in her lap. This particular photo had caught her fancy for long. Now that was a new thing coming from his sister. She was like the butterfly that jumped from one flower to another. Never staying in one. Easily bored. He often wanted to become a mind reader and watch the thoughts running through her head. They had never been really close. To him, she was the most fascinating person in the world. The one person who could make him do anything willingly. He adored her. She suddenly turned to look at him and smiled. He went and took the album from her lap. It had photos of her friends. He wondered if anyone had ever been able to win her affection. If her spinsterhood was a reflection of an unrequited love. True, the image of a lover did not suit her. But once in a while, he liked to imagine her as more human.More emotional and at least a bit more affectionate than how she was at home. She was looking at the photo in his hand. "That was Ashok" she said and went back to her trance.So it was him thought young Ajay and smiled to himself. Now the imaginary hero in his mind had a face.

Pooja remembered that day very well. It was in her second year of college. She was sitting in the library lost in a tolkein. Ashok came out of nowhere and asked her if she could tell him when she was done with the book.He wanted to read it. He got her number and gave her his.Surprisingly,she bothered to let him know when she returned the book. They became good friends in a few weeks.Not the inseparable filmy friends. Just the kind of friendship that strangers pitted together in a new place have. She had her own circle of friends. A social butterfly, she was pretty active in all her college activities. Ashok was a book worm. He loved music. Their love for books and music brought them together. Once in a while, they spent some time discussing mutual interests.Two years flew by. Soon it was time to graduate. The last day of college, pooja got her scrap book from ashok. Only that day,she had realized that life would never be the same anymore. She would be away from all that she had learnt to love. The moment she looked at ashok,she realized that she would miss him a lot. Not him she corrected herself. The idea of a friends like him.Not that she could term their relationship love. She was never the one for deep emotions. It was the one attachment that she did not want to lose.Maybe because,it had never been a commitment. But then, she was sensible enough to not let her slippery emotions get the better out of her. She simply wished him all the best and walked away, her head held high. He continued too look at her,his only friend,sometimes,he felt,his only love.

5 years later,today she remembered their last day together. They hadn't been in contact much.Many more music lovers,painters and industrialists had walked in and out of her life. None leaving this deep an impression. She hadn't had time to miss her college or anything associated with it.True, it had been the best days of her life.But now, she enjoyed this responsibility. She did not want any commitments and laughed about the fleeting secret infatuation of hers. He was in some other corner of the world,lost in Zakhir husain and tolkein, munching the hot samosas made by his wife. By a funny coincidence, looking at the same snap of theirs.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

The reason

Time was ticking away. With each second that flew by, Anu's tension just escalated. She was getting all the more irritated too. The day had started like any other. NO!! She told herself. Not like a usual day. On a normal day, her 20 minute walk to the terminus would have got her a seat in the bus. Today, she had been literally squashed. (To the extent that she felt like a used lemon peel.)She had been pushed back and forth thanks to the empty space near her. (She had used all her skills to approximate it to 5cm^2) "The presence of the conductor who was 'doing his duty' can be compared to a pumpkin in the tightly packed grape fruit box" she thought trying to humour herself.Having nothing to do except attempt to breathe, she started thinking about her previous day.

Memories of the previous night came flooding back.Her son Sonu had been crying the whole night complaining of a pain in his tummy. He had dozed off in the wee hours of the morning. She had just managed some two hours sleep.To top it all, sonu had been crying in the morning also. "Amma.. Amma.. "His voice echoed in her head. "My pencil is missing." She had tried telling him that she'd get him another one."I want only my new green pencil!" All he did was cry and scream.Her attempts to trace the pencil proved futile. She slapped the crying kid. "Open your mouth once again and i will lock you inside the house." She had screamed. Her scream had scared him to silence. She took him with her and got him a new pencil in the shop. His whimpers somehow had never ceased. She should have left with her husband.The unnecessary detour delayed her. They should appoint a maid to take care of their son.His tantrums were becoming unmanageable nowadays.

She completed the rest of her journey (1hr,5minutes, 35 seconds her watch told her.) standing. The only thing she felt like doing was to sleep her day away.But that wasn't to happen. Her day had begun just then. Hurrying to the office, she started getting things ready for her board meeting at ten. A glance at her watch told her she just had fifteen minutes left."Everything will be perfect." she told herself. Crossing her fingers, she looked at the file pile. The blue file was missing! She was busy searching for the file. But her mind was elsewhere. Sonu's screams haunted her.

Where was the file now?She knew the MD would be angry if she went to meet him without it. He was really irritating when it came to board meetings. He wanted everything done in his own way. Anu was infuriated with that. She had the same problem with SOnu too. It was immaterial that the MD was 40 and Sonu just 5.Sometimes, she felt that she was on the verge of insanity thanks to their antics. She regretted the day she became a working mother. She had bored her friend rama with her favorite dialogue, "I never should have become a mother." She got up and pushed the chair into the table. Her sari was caught. Bending down to release it, she found the blue file caught between the table and the wall. Cursing herself, she grabbed it and rushed to meet her employer.

Wondering for the thousandth time as to why she continued with her job, she went to the board room carrying all the files and a plastered smile. After the usual diplomatic(but still petty) squabbles, the meeting finally came to an end. "One moment Anu, come to my office." She heard her MD. Surely, it wasn't a smile in his face?!In his spacious room, Anu shivered slightly. Thankfully, she could blame the air conditioner for that. She hoped her nervousness did not show. The MD welcomed her with a grin. " I just wanted to appreciate the work you do Anu. Even today, it was only because of your meticulous preparation that i did not lose my face in the meeting. I just thank my parents for having found me a lovely wife like you. Life would have been very different without you in the office and in our house. Thank you Anu." He continued talking. But she was oblivious to everything. All her anxiety and sorrow disappeared. The weight in her heart just lifted. "Thank you Alex. I needed it today."she told her husband of almost a decade and left the room with a smile on her face.

She left the office early. She wanted to go home to her son. Thankfully, she got a seat in the crowded bus. For the first time in her life, she smiled at a fellow passenger. The surprised little girl returned her smile. Sonu had already come home from school and was playing with his dog. Her guilt resurfaced when she saw him. On seeing her, he came running with the dog at his heels. "Mom!! See what i did in school! It is for you!" In his hand was a card made of his notebook paper. He had written a very simple line. "The bhesht Mommmy in the hole world". He had drawn a few flowers, a stick figure of a boy and a dog."See there is snoopy playing with me in the garden! I drew it with my new pencil!" He said his beautiful eyes shining with excitement. " I am a good boy amma. I will not lose my pencil again." he said and ran off to play with his four legged friend.To anu, the card seemed to outweigh all the achievements listed in her resume.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

A life time

The sky as i saw then
through the tree tops
clear,cloudy,sometimes
with the sun too happy
is no longer there.
The same sky..
somehow, a bit different.

The long winding roads,
whose every curve
i know by heart
The road, who has been by me
helping me travel
from the minute I stepped
into the college of my dreams..
The road in which i have walked
with friends too many
The same road saw me walk
all alone with a heavy heart...

The some road through which,
I rushed out of my hostel
to meet someone special,
to meet deadlines-intent,
to eat to my hearts content
to work and research,
to find and to search.
cycling my way to glory
to write tests too many.
to watch movies..
sometimes to just walk..
Will it remember me today?
Or was I just another traveler?

My very special room,
which sheltered me for a year..
How I slept!!
Does it remember
the nightmares i woke up from?
The dreams i loved to dream?
The dirty clothes in the chair?
the treasured gifts in my table?
my favorite posters?
my over crowded cupboard?
I can only hope...

My ever loving friends..
the birthdays special
the rude awakenings
of body and soul
the friendly chats,
the pleasurable night outs
How can i forget
our 'illuminated' souls?
movie shows-exclusively
before exams...
last moment project work...
the many hostel meals
made special by mere company
2 souls cramped
in a bed for one.
The missed shots,
the many rallies
the wounds- in body and soul
The many who walked in
the few who walked out
of my life...

The mere three years,
to me, seem like a lifetime.
The girl who walked in
changed many times over
rediscovering her self.
Acknowledging and accepting
things that never were before
Found i have treasurable
relationships- oh! too many
Found I have that i can
be wrong- very often at that..
That I can face challenges
That I can fall down
to Rise but- definitely

I don't know whether
to cry or to smile...
The precious moments,
have just flown by
The brilliant memories
all mine to treasure.
I smile for I have
found myself.
I just don't want
to cry..
for my lost innocence
for the lost old self..
and yes.. Those irreplaceable moments
Memories can any second
be revisited.

My reshaped personality
walking under this new sky
inhaling the fresh air..
Enjoying this living moment
savoring my wonderful memories
Glad to be alive
Glad to be Myself.
I am I
I will be me.
Thank you Pilani...