Thursday, December 18, 2008

The perfect Stranger

I walk down the crowded road
A sea of faces greet me
Faces filled with sorrow
Faces filled with joy
Eyes that sparkle
The few that really stand out..
There she stands
the perfect stranger..
Looking at me
with her penetrating eyes

Her lips curved
in a mocking smile
Know I her not...
I stare at her
A stranger but a stranger still..
A poised woman
Search I do
for her invisible crystal ball
The one between us
The one she is glancing into..
Find I that cannot

I walk forth
Passing the many effortlessly
"Amigo.." She calls me..
The voice from the past
The perfect stranger
not one then
In her eyes i see
Secrets real precious
Ones i'd deemed forgotten
Ones i'd buried happily

Secrets she has under lock and key
The sorrow in my eyes
mirrored in hers..
The perfect stranger
back in an instant
The block in my mind disappears
I see us..
I see her
for what we were
Long ago
All hopes i had harboured
In secret disappear
For she is to remain forever
the perfect stranger

Silent tears i shed
For that was
A tear no smile can replace
A tear reminding me
of memories invaluable
My dear stranger..
Can i rewrite the past?
Should I try?
I wish i knew...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A long awaited journey

I am leaving morrow noon. Leaving this temporary abode of mine. (Just for a week. :D) After years and years of planning, I am finally going to Nasik. A trip full of expectations and desires. I hope everything turns out well. Planning to post a lot of pics in my blog post the trip. :) One week of silence in these pages.. Or so I think..

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Never near but never far away

I was looking up at the sky yesterday evening. The evening sky with its different shades of orange blue and white is always a joy to look at. I dont think any painter can ever capture the colors on canvas. The many shades.. The completely brilliant transformation of one to another. I really wish there was a way i could portray it in my words. The sky reminds me of the many walks i have taken in this little village in Rajasthan.. Standing and staring at the color combinations and commenting about it. On nights of full moon i stand staring at the moon the gentle night air kissing my face. Is it a grandmother with a kid? Or is it a rabbit? I think science sometimes kills the wonderment. Take my rational mind for example. When i stand wondering, it tells me.. Those are craters. There are too many in the moon. Orion.. My fav constellation. On some nights when i am really happy, orion looks not like a hunter with his dog but more like a man stretching out his arms in joy. This reminds me of a photo we took in a palace Bikaner. I think it was jinny's idea to pose with all of us stretching our arms to the sky. It was a moment of complete joy. One of the photographs my mind recalls whenever i think about my college life.

Sometimes, i wonder as to how life would have been if we dont have all those technological marvels that make our existence so easy and ya so long.. I really and truly admire the beauty i find around me in nature.Simple acts of kindness, love and trust.. The setting sun, the floating clouds, the innocent smiles.. I remember nights in pilani without electricity. (Bangalore lack of electricity doesnt matter much in the nights.. Evenings i am in the office anyway.. :D )It dint matter much in winter. But summer was horrible. Still, i remember fruitful conversations with a lot of people at those moments. When we took a few minutes off from the computers and socialised with live human beings. In psenti sem there was this long walk me preethi and anu took. In the dark. Once with data. Lots with Jd and Sowmya.. Times which made me wish we had power cuts more often. Times long gone by. We walk in different cities now..Thanks to the same technology very much in touch during similar walks. Physically apart but our tongues yapping their way to glory. I dint intend to make this bit a psenti dedication to people from the past who have found their way into my present too.. (Oh. i am trying to tell you that these are frnds of many yrs) But i guess communing with nature reminds me of them. For isnt friendship too this one thing without pretense? One of the few natural things left to us.. I haven't expressed my affection in words often. (though i have expressed my discontent and anger a time too many.. ) I tried to with write ups on farewells and testimonials in orkut. But the trust they place in me and the confidence it gives me when i most need it, i dont think i can ever express it fully. I dedicate this post to 685,176,522,588,454,785,444,448,183,671,680.. THanks guys!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The fire

She could see the flames
Rising sky high
Blinding her with their fury
Fire atleast found its fodder
Fire which fed on innocence
Fire which fed on happiness
Making it non existent
Ashes no tales could tell

She stood on the threshold
Watching the proofs disappear
Proof of those that were
A proof she wished
she could save
A proof she knew
could exist no longer
A proof she knew
she had to handover
someday to time..
Knowledge never
could ease any pain
Knowledge never could console.

She ran blindly
towards a non existent refuge
Oh there they stood
Staring at her with their hungry eyes
Fact is fact they scream
No earplug
powerful enough
Nothing to escape the agony
But to face it
Courage not hers..
Never could it be..

She just ran..
away and away
the warm air hit her
The ashes forming a crown
on her dainty head
She just ran
away and away
to never return
to the nothingness
left behind.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Just another dream

Why does it matter so?
Your smile your scorn
your lack of expression?
I see myself walking
right beside you
You,oblivious of my existence
lost in your noble thoughts
And me near you
same as ever

Wondering what it is that
you ponder over
Wishing with all my heart
that a grain of thought
about me be
Even a smile
born for something else
A smile I could see
and dream about
Let the hope in my heart live
For was it not meant for me?
Could I not see it??

The same question greets me
Every living moment
Acknowledge do you
my existence too?
This sweet sorrow
I am alien to
A minimal indication
of concern
in happiness
my heart bursts
Songs pour our
from a lyrical peacock...
The others stare
Of this joy I experience...

A workaholic now content
dreaming of a non existent future
You've given me
a gift real wonderful
Memories bottled away
Too precious to be left
lying around

Know I do
that time runs out too..
This feeling I have not
words to describe..
Adoration too mild
Love I know not
A feeling I call
with your lovely name
In your imperfections
perfection I see
An idol i worship in stealth

My secret too precious
to be revealed
Want not I do
to lose the little I have
Want I not mine to be
Just another dream
Wish I do
that you aint
Just another dream
Many a dark night
is made bright
by the fireflies
inside my preserved bottles.

I knew i loved you SAVAGE GARDEN

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
only this sense of completion
and in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I found you

Lost seeker 4

What use was the prevention? A prevention unable to prevent. The poison was strong enough to corrupt. But not strong enough to prevent. One wasnt completely disgusted by it. To prevent.. to stop history from repeating itself, one had to be disgusted with it. One had to be convinced that the actions would destroy. The fact that everything was ok would not let one prevent. The fact that human beings survive despite conflict. How he hated this confusion which bestowed itself upon him. He wished he was stronger. He wished he was better than all he detested. "How bad would it be to become what you are running away from? Think of that my dear.." His alter ego told him gently. He knew.. Oh dint he.. The path would lead him to what he sought. But to follow it, that took all his strength.

He thought of his dream. The desire to be whole again. The desire to lose himself so much in his deeds that nothing else mattered. The desire to love his life so much that the past would be erased completely. No he did not want to erase it. He just wanted to reduce the pain. The pain that tore him apart every single day. A pilgrimage.. Thats what this was. A pilgrimage to seek his inner God. A pilgrimage! He who had scorned upon gods.. Looked at them as mere figments of people's imagination was set to find one now. "Dont be so hard on yourself. You scorned upon the rituals. Not the Gods. You have always been spiritual.." His alter ego again.

Again,he wondered if he was a mad man raving about things he hardly knew anything about. A lonely mad man who spoke to himself and convinced himself it was his alter ego he was conversing with. He wished he was not so hard on himself. He passed by a mirror. The smile on his face... A smile he never got rid of.. He couldnt call it fake. For he knew a part of him was happy with the material comforts life offered him. It was this tiny bit somewhere that confused him so. That told him he did not have what he wanted. That told him to set upon this pilgrimage. The tiniest thought in his head which had more power than anything else. No matter what he had been doing, ever since that thought entered his head, it had made its presence felt. It could be partly because he knew that the thought should not remain just a thought. He wanted to make it a concrete dream.

Maybe, it wouldnt seem so precious to him then. With that desire conquered, he could set about to do the other things he wanted to do. The doubt crept in again. He sometimes felt he was like a dumb teenager searching after a non existent dream girl. He wished he could dismiss it as a hormonal imbalance. But he knew it was not so. It was his search for his own identity. Not that he dint like who he was.. He wanted to be better. Isnt that what life was about? A constant struggle to be better? Human beings who were happy being what they were had to be sure that there was no scope for improvement. Spend atleast sometime searching for the scope. He had taken a step further and made that search occupy a major part. Communing with himself. The self he wanted to know better. The self he wanted to love better.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The lost seeker 3

He could hear the echo of a voice from a not so distant past. The past he had isolated himself from. He fondly remembered the moments. The years he had lost himself in his innocence. The years he had defended the very thing he detested right now. Innocence.. what a convenient term it was for the ignorance that defined his very existence then. A part of him still wanted it back. The ignorance which dint let him see the world for what it was. The ignorance which made everything royal and regal. The blind once withdrawn,the anger and the hatred stuck him with all its force. But nothing was as horrible as the pretense. The pretense which made him dread the next demand. The pretense which scared him too much that he could not even acknowledge words of affection. Deeds of sacrifice that made him suspect the sacrificer. Was it worth it? This knowledge he had such a difficulty living with? He knew not. He just wished he could give it up and go back to his old state. The ignorant innocent kid.

"And be cheated all your life?" His alter ego was alive again. " So what if you lost something from the past? It was not meant to be your future.Hanging on to objects will just tie you down. You are the wind.. The wind that is uncontrolled. The wind that can rage as a storm or calm as a gentle breeze. You have the independence to be any of the two now. Let go.." He wished he could completely. He had been so unsuccessful. Never could he shake it off. It always was there. In the back of his mind. the serpent poised to strike. the serpent with very little poison. Little but still existent poison. the serpent that wouldnt kill him but numb his spirit. Sometimes for days.. Sometimes for the critical minutes. The ones that really mattered. He wished he could remove the fangs completely. Render it helpless and surge forward.

"Why do you want to destroy it? Cant you see the fangs it has are all that is left? The poison never can harm you. Let it be. Forget not that the poison was once the medicine which saved you.. It comes only when summoned. Summon it not. Let it rest. "His alter ego told him.. Ah! The wisdom in those words. If only it were that easy. Sometimes the effort it took to stay away almost killed him. He was thankful for his life. Saved by the very thing that poisoned his soul now. He was grateful and angry. He wished he could come to terms with it. He realised he had come a long distance from home. Should he turn back? The thought summoned the serpent. Moments of weakness always did. He immediately banished it.
He could not afford to be weak.The object he thought was far too precious to be lost. He knew that if he faltered he could lose it forever. That moment he felt.. It was the end. the end to all his sorrow. The joy he sought would complete him. Provide him with an elixir so powerful that the serpent could not harm him anymore. What elixir more powerful than happiness? He knew he should not stop. He moved forth. Refusing to let the poison take control. Refusing to be beaten. Just as ignorance had shielded him once, knowledge did now. The knowledge that all that was would cease to be someday. New things would come in their place. The older ones losing their brightness to the ones cropping up. Consoling himself.. The knowledge comforting him.

Memories beautiful
of moments that were
caught along
with those that werent..
A sieve he sought
The sieve of knowledge
to just let through
those that gave life
The rest stay there
just where they were
to remind
to prevent...

Friday, November 28, 2008

A dedication

I am saddened by the terror attacks. I dont know what those people want. Neither can i understand their need to terrorise people to show case their power. I dedicate this post to the victims and their families. Mumbai would recover in a few days and life would be back to normal (partially if not completely). But those affected have their personal demons to face. I wish this stupidity would stop. I wish the world becomes a more peaceful place to live in. I hope no cop had a hand in the smuggling of so many weapons. I feel sorry for the misguided young men who threw away their life and were blind enough to engage in such violence. I sincerely wish that the day is not far off when people realise terror is not the solution to everything.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

The lost seeker 2

Despite his alter ego's assurance, he was not confident. Was the vision he saw just a mirage? A beautiful one no doubt.. But still just a mirage? He did not know what to do. The comforts he had at hand just overwhelmed him. They gave him all that he could possibly ever want. Rather all that he had possibly ever wanted. Did the problem arise because of his ideas and dreams evolving over time? Will he ever reach a state when he had all that he wanted? Is the object he sought now, the one thing that he had been created to attain? He wished with all his heart that it was. But the cynic in him told him that it was not to be. "You will seek again. After you attain this.. You will seek something else with all your heart. Will this loss be worth the trouble then? what if you already have what you seek? Unidentifiable but existing in the cluttered rooms.. Did you sift through all that you have?It is not too late. Turn back" The voices in his head kept droning.. " You did.." His alter ego whispered. "Worry not my dear.. I never knew of a person who was more careful."

He was scared.. The image in front of him was too tempting. But the consequences scared him out of his wits.. He could imagine himself moving headlong, to quench his thirst, in the middle of a desert. Right into a non existent oasis. His hands scooping sand and gulping it down. he could not stop it. The sand burnt his already parched throat. It brought him closer to his death. Was the elixir he sought a poison more potent than any he had come across? What if the mirage took him to a quagmire that sucked him down? The ropes he had discarded a few minutes back would not be there to save him. He knew by this one single choice, he was cutting out his roots completely. He knew that no matter how much he tried, he could never come back to them unless they sought him out. It was funny. Thinking of himself as a tree.. His house and all things familiar as roots. He burst out laughing.. Those around him just stared at the madman walking alone in the roads. One or two were curious. The others too busy to give him a second glance.

Roots.. Is that all that i seek? More comforts than i can ever possibly use? Or is it just this one image that is a slow poison.. The one that would kill all my other dreams.. The one that would out shine them anyday. The one dream that to him seemed brighter than the sun. The one dream in front of which the sun was just another yellow ball. He remembered the yellow ball with a big smile. The one that gave you the false reassurance that everything was alright. The one that you could throw at your will. He had once played this game. Shooting down the ball. The relief. Every shot he felt he was hurting an unseen enemy. One who seemed to make him feel that everything was good. An enemy who kept telling him the world was a wonderful place though it definitely was not. The enemy who made him complacent about his achievements. Was he a friend afterall?Should he embrace the smiley ball? Should he? He knew not.. He just moved forth.

Where were you?

Where were you
When i stood watching
dreams crumble down
Where were you
On all those lonely nights
spent--attempting to sleep
on a wet pillow?
Where were you?

Where were you
all those days
when the end seemed near
Where were you
in all those moments
of real deep fear..
Where were you?

Where were you
when every day
seemed too long?
when all i sought
was just the end?
An end that eluded me..
Why dint you show up?

Where was the comfort
i so badly longed for?
Where was the affection
i ceaselessly sought?
Where were you
when the brightest days
seemed darker
than the moonless nights?

Now i sit
On a pedestal
I see you far away
Seeking me
I just wonder..
Should i come down?
Should i walk towards you
with arms outstretched
with a welcome smile?
A smile dying
in the lips...

Lie i cannot
when i face you
Lie you cannot bear
The falsehood
completely non existent
between us
in a non existent relationship
Should i arm myself
with this never failing shield?
Will I be successful?

Oh my dear stranger
Do I have the heart to tell you
That which you sought
exists no longer?
Washed away by the sands of time
Leaving behind
a new polished statue
One created
just to adorn
the dead gardens..
Lifeless palaces..

My dear Aslan..
Can your breath
give me life?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The lost seeker 1

He was just a normal human being to the rest of the world. But in his mind, he donned the role of the seeker. The one relentlessly pursuing the object of his desire. He had had a glimpse of it only once. A momentary glimpse that tore apart his entire universe. Old dreams, old ideas once lauded brilliant seemed so meaningless to him now. Was he a fool to go ahead searching for an object he had seen but once? He did not even know if it existed. He stood on the threshold of his building. The comforts inside called out to him. "Why do you worry so? WE are there to take care of you. Why do you seek the non-existent? The object is unattainable.It is just a temporary interest." They told him time and again. He looked around. Everything there was a dream pursued. A goal attained effortlessly.

He stood naked, unarmed to battle the demons outside. The vision kept him going. Was he a saint who sought something new? Or was he just another madman- a completely dissatisfied one? He wanted to think not. He was he. He stepped forth into the cold,unhappy world, unaided..

He wished, hoped for something dramatic. He wished people would stand around and mock at him. He was not sure if that would slacken his resolve or convince him of the need to move further. But, they dint care. They were oblivious to his existence.His dreams, his desires- they were simply those of a man. One in the billion that adorned this world. One less or one more, it dint matter. He realised that it was him and only him that could do anything about them. He wanted not to inspire millions. He sought happiness. A joy so complete and pure that it would be a shame to feel it, while the many around dint even know of its existence. He had decided to forsake all that was his.He was convinced that it was all an illusion. He pondered for a minute. Was it now? All that he had worked yeards to build..All that he'd spent sleepless nights over. He felt he was cold blooded to call it an illusion. "No.. call it bravery" His alter ego whispered.



If wishes were horses
How healthy mine would be..
Oh! So lonely too
awaiting a non-existent herd
awaiting the lone rider
who'd give him his due

An existence completely
sans worry
A life so full of joy
so full of new ideas
each beckoning me
to pursue it
Each dream to be fulfilled

Why did I dream so?
Why did the notion of you
come into my dreams?
Like a blind man
blessed with a vision
for a minute
Just a min
A glorious one..
the vision
A curse more horrible
more cruel,
I know not

The hard base
on which huge castles
happily rested
easily disappeared
dissolved in waves of tears
crashing down on my reality

Appreciated wonders lie
gathering dust
in a corner
Moments of infinite joy
seem so worthless now
I stand surrounded
by the celebrating blind
and the overjoyed
with a sight to behold

Search i do
for those like me
Blind men
tending to healthy horses
Know them i do not
Seek them I do
with the hope
that I'll find
the light of my life

To forget I want not
this misery
better than eternal,ignorant joy
This pain keeps me going
I just want
a minute more..

For just this minute,
I am ready
to trade my eternity..
Is it Utopia I seek?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Of reality and illusions

Why was she eternally unhappy?
An unhappiness borne of discontent
What is it she wanted in life?
Why did she discard the treasures so?

Her life she felt was an illusion true..
Her dreams in search of
the ever eluding reality..
Her last refuge
Her only escape
from the illusions that chained her down

She ran faster
As though speed
could help her reach
a destination non existent
As though speed
could save her
from herself..

Exhausted she sat
and looked around..
Was this an illusion?
Or was it the reality
she so badly wanted to escape..
An question
she wanted to ponder not..
The answer somehow
too scary...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The clash

He had a wierd notion. Not wierd.. What would happen to the world if everyone started calling non conventional ideas that were by products of their own mind wierd? We should give mankind that luxury.. The luxury to believe in itself he thought.All his thoughts somehow got mankind into the picture always. Is it because i lack confidence in myself as an individual that i have to justify my actions involving the others around? Or is it because i know that i am a unique individual with dreams and desires and i acknowledge the existence of the same in those around me? He found the latter thought more consoling. It somehow seemed nicer to him. It made him feel he was a better person. "Much against my better judgement" His alter ego seemed to say. Nicer, better. why did these words have to figure out so often in his life? Why did they have to be there to give him a false sense of security? What was he comparing himself constantly against? What unattainable goals was he setting for himself? "Were they really unattainable? Dint you set them too high so that you could say you had dont better than last time? Dint you know you would fail even before the thought was formed in your mind?" He wondered how to silence her..

Making his alter ego feminine was one thing he did long ago. "A person from my own gender would understand me better.. A stranger from a whole new world.." The constant voice that had been nagging him since his conception. He felt more comfortable calling it that of a stranger. "My own would not belittle me so.. " "My own.." Did that term have any meaning? Whenever he said it he felt like he was referring to "my computer""My book." Inanimate objects he held dearer than the live ones residing so far away. Am I so lost because of the distance? Was i lost long before the distance came into play? He knew not. Rather he chose not to answer. The answers created more questions.. Each scarier than the one before. Each asking him to probe deeper into his self.. "Demons she sends.. to confuse me. She hates my existence." He screamed to the walls around him. Dint he know himself well? Dint he know what he was? Wasnt he very successful and oh! So rich? Rich beyond her wildest dreams?

She refused to acknowledge it. Time and again.. Asking him that "Are you?" His numerous conquests seemed not to satisfy her. "Conquer thyself first.. Then set forth to rule the world." Empty philosophical words that served no end. Conquering his self.Spending precious hours contemplating his faults, his misgivings and trying to change them rather than go aheaed and do something about the world. It seemed so useless. It still looked so.. He had done everything he wanted.. He still felt no peace.. Was she right? Was she the only one who was? He screamed silently staring at the stranger in the mirror he knew nothing about.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Shall i call it WILL?? Or is it madness?

He walks with a smile
adorning his face
A smile so radiant
that the world stops
to ask him why?
What makes you so happy?!

"Oh dear traveller"
The sweet maiden calls out to him
" What is the joy you carry?
What makes you so ecsatic?"
His reply is just another smile..

His master seeks him out..
"Here is the burden i want you to carry"
He says handing him a sack
real enormous..
"Let me see you smile now"
Effortlessly lifting it..
He moves forth..
With the smile..
Still on his face..

The road beckons him
filled with cruel stones
intent on scarring him..
"Make his smile disappear "
They seem to be telling each other..
He walks forth
Head held high..
Oh! What a smile he has..
It lightens up his deep eyes..
He walks ceaselessly..

Destination in sight..
Destination attained..

He walks back empty handed..

"What is it that makes you happy??"
" Do you have all that you seek?
All that you ever sought?"
For just a moment they see it..
The sorrow..
A sorrow so intense
Cutting them midway
Leaving them staring open mouthed..

"My friends.. I seek..
The ideal..
The unattainable ideal...
My soul clings to my body
with just hope..
Hope of attaining it some day..
Hope that helps me seek
An everlasting search..
Ah the joy!"
He walks away
Leaving behind
a few questions..
a lot of sneers
"madman.." they call him
and a very few understanding looks..

Saturday, November 08, 2008


The world is so full of them. HYPOCRITES of the best order who say one thing and mean the other. I am so irritated with the lot. How is it so easy for everyone to say what they dont mean? Is it all that easy to lie? Are they really happy doing things they dont want to do in an effort to make the rest of the world happy?? Having the tag of matyrs attached to their name in their bloated up heads...Does it make them content? Or is that contentment a state they think they have attained? I dont know. It is quite easy to live in a state of non existent contentment. But is it worth it? sacrificing the senses.. I dont claim to be completely truthful in everything in life. But i know my very existence is not a lie. I am so confused. What is true and what is not? I dont know.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

A futile struggle

A futile struggle
Borne out of disappointment..
A struggle for independence
something so completely
non existent
A futile struggle
A struggle to stand out
A struggle to conquer
impossible egos

A struggle to wipe out
dreams arising from hopes
But oh!What use are they?
Never will they ever come true
A struggle to feed an endless pit
A struggle is all i can see
The struggle
that sucks away
my soul

The struggle that eats me up
Leaving the carcass of my dreams
to all scavengers
to mock at
to feed on

A struggle that would someday kill
A death leaving behind an empty shell
A shell sans dreams sans hope
Just a mere shell for the whole world
to just look at
and philosophise
and talk

An example to never be followed
a non existent existence
that of all..
A bud killed
by the comfort of hot water
Oh! What use is all this?

Knowing fully well the consequences
I struggle
A futile struggle
Someday A total fall
I foresee
Me or my opponent i know not
Me or my opponent
Difference not

A futile struggle
Filled with enough carcass
for all vultures around
Filled with empty dreams
enough for philosophers around
Filled with hatred
Enough for all saints around.

Friday, October 31, 2008


The name tells you everything about the movie. Its damn silly. I was bored enough to sit through the whole movie. I had a nice time laughing. What else can one do when the hero who is surrounded by villans is able to dodge bullets? For those of you there who say it happens in every tamil movie, all i have to say is, it is bugging! Our great invincible hero who is a doctor, escapes from the russian police(who have obviously caught an innocent man) and runs around without a passport.But he magically gets money whenever he wants it. For those of you who want logic, go watch something else.There are a lot more lapses in logic throughout the movie.. (did i tell you about the scene where the hero disappears into the water and is saved after he miraculously comes up despite wearing a fur coat??) But the funniest and dumbest thing in the movie is the heroine. (Kangana i guess) Which female would get a cell phone from a complete stranger? Who is dumb enough to fall for a guy she has hardly spoken with? ( Love seems to be such a comfortable excuse to people.) The second heroine is a modern woman with sense who tells the hero she would save him. ( After reading this woman with sense bit, do you think a guy would fall for her?) No offense meant but men seem to prefer empty headed women to ones with sense. ( I am talking about tamil movies here. :D ) The only saving grace in the movie is that it has good songs. The scenery is really beautiful but it is spoilt by the dumb screenplay and the dumber story, where the hero finally finds out who is the killer as the killer and murdered person use the word "thanyavadh"( Somebody please tell the director that it is a word for thank you.) A half hearted attempt at a thriller which fails miserably as the suspense is too predictable and the screenplay pathetic. If you want to laugh, you know which movie to watch.( WOW! the lines rhymed. :D)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


A small brain...
But oh! What an ego!
A small mind convinced
its one among the greatest..
An invalid masking inefficiencies
labelling them fate.

The pot happily calling
kettles around black...
The soul too tainted
to accomplish
anything remarkable

But oh!
Just another heart
seeking solace,love,affection
and of course comfort
from a nameless source.
Is it nonexistent afterall?

Loneliness-A punishment
more cruel
I cannot think of..
Lonely in company,
Lonely in riches
Lonely in rags

A vampire slowly
sucking away hope
the blood of the soul
Oh! What it does to you..
This cruel world
sucking away hopes..
Leaving you all alone
to battle the scavengers
that seek
your soul-less body.

How can you battle?
No energy to lift a limb...
No tactic in a dead brain..
Oh! This loneliness
it drains your soul away
Leaving you a mere zombie..
All set to obey
any command
given out
with a hint of affection

So many out there
on a lookout
for zombies easy to train
easy to handle
sans hope
sans dreams
sans life

Just a shell left
Ah! Loneliness
What a wonderful
and powerful weapon you are
How i abhor you!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Random ramblings

A means to an end..
Is that what everything is all about?
a mere means?
Affectionate words..
seemingly selfless deeds,
sacrifices done
that never were..
Oh! Why was i taken in?
Is that all the world has to offer?
Is that all it ever can?

Words i hear
random ramblings..
i hope they are...
knowing fully well
they are just means
means to attain a horrible end..

Am i the reason to blame too?
Should i have recognised it before?
accepted the truth
the subconscious knew?
Was it all unreal?
The entire life lived..
just a mere lie..
I wish not..

One relationship long gone sour..
Somehow not letting me be..
Somehow not letting me rest..
a thought
a viral thought..
potent enough to kill
Was it all a lie!
Was there an inch of truth anywhere?
Was it all just a lie..
A means towards an end..

Why cant anything be
an end in itself?
I just plod along
trying to piece together
a broken heart
maybe someday
somewhere far far away
i would find it..
I clutch the pieces and run
though the roots let me not
Pull myself away totally
i cannot..
Push it away totally
i cannot..
Why! Why is life so cruel ?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The corner paragraph

Raj was sipping his morning coffee and turning the pages of the day's newspaper. Markets crashing all around. "How secure is my job?" He started to wonder. "They wouldnt fire me." He reassured himself thinking of the numerous qualifications behind his name. He had afterall worked for ten years in this industry. They wouldn't lose him. He chanced to look at a tiny paragraph in the corner of the page. "Youth killed in joy trip." "Youngsters these days have to be more careful." He said to his wife, without bothering to read through the news. The recent merger of giants ABC and DEF caught his fancy. " They must be looking for new people. I wonder if they can offer me a better package" The merger made him think how inadequate his company was. How low his pay was.There was a flash news in the TV about the boy. He switched it off and hurried to work in his new car.

Radha was reading her paper. More out of compulsion than wish. "Seema aunty keeps telling me how Rahul used to read the paper page by page. See he is in the IIM now. You should also go there." Her mom kept droning in the background. She missed the corner paragraph.

A dream to live for, A dream to sacrifice all thats yours. A dream powerful enough to kill the rest. A dream of what you want to be. To change, to succeed, to be the best. The fire that burns within you. Rahul wanted to prove himself to the world. He had come so far. He wanted to be the best in the industry once he entered it. He was leafing through the paper when he saw it. The corner paragraph. A trip. A sad death. For sometime, he thought about the poor by who died. Alone. "But dont we all die alone? Would dying with someone make it all better? Washed away by the water. Him and his dreams. What did he want from life?" He wondered. But Rahul was practical. He was getting delayed. He had an assignment to submit. He rushed out to his motorbike.

Priya was watching the telivision. There it was. His face. He was dead. Washed away by the river. The stranger whom she knew now due to his death. She saw his smiling face. "Why is he smiling? Is he happy its over?" She thought. Her conscience cursing her for it. Death had claimed another victim. Here a minute, gone the next. A man.. No just a boy who had his life to live. Did he also not do things as he was afraid of people? Afraid of words? Of the image he might get? Her life.. Its state. She was young. Death wouldnt touch her. She had enough time to achieve her dreams.She had been convinced. But here he was. Younger than her. Gone. " WHat am I doing with my life?" She wondered for the thousandth time.
SHe had married for love. A love which had proved to be a prision. One that kept her locked up in a golden cage.A well dressed plumed parrot. An entertaining one fed by paid hands, she thought as she watched the servant leave. Her college degree was gathering dust in a dust free zone. What if my life ended today? What do I have to lose? Would all these people I am so afraid of think about me for more than a week? Oh! How safe the dead see,. IT is all over for them. The living. They have the cross to bear.
For the past few weeks she had been considering leaving Raj and joining an MNC, or starting a business. The fear of failure, the fear of standing up alone against the unfriendly world did not let her do it. The face on TV seemed to haunt her. There was some connection she felt. His death and her life. Oh! Werent they similar? How alive was she? Where were her dreams? Where were her desires? What was she living for?
She decided to live. Her life and his. The unknown boy whose life was cut short. The boy who touched her in a mysterious way. She wanted to achieve. More importantly,to be alive. She slowly started reviving her dead dreams.

Ramu's parents were mourning his loss in their own ways. "It had to happen. You cant fight fate." His father consoled his mother. She just wished he had lived longer. "Oh! WHy dint Yama take me away instead?" she questioned her answerless husband.

Priya walked into DEF's office for an interview.

"The pollen of dead flowers
create many more
as fragnant as the dead.
An endless cycle this life
The dead, alive
The living, dead
awakened sometimes,
by the call
of the live dead."

Friday, October 10, 2008

Kehne Ko Jashan-E-Bahara Hai

A beautiful and well written song. Really love it.

Kehne Ko Jashan-E-Bahara Hai
Ishq Yeh Dekhke Hairaan Hai

Kehne Ko Jashan-E-Bahara Hai
Ishq Yeh Dekhke Hairaan Hai

Phool Se Khusboo Khafa Khafa Hai Gulsan Mein
Chupa Hai Koi Ranj Fiza Ki Chilman Mein

Sare Sehmein Nazare Hain
Soye Soye Vaqt Ke Dhare Hain
Aur Dil Mein Koi Khoyi Si Baatein Hain

Kehne Ko Jashan-E-Bahara Hai
Ishq Yeh Dekhke Hairaan Hai

Phool Se Khusboo Khafa Khafa Hai Gulsan Mein
Chupa Hai Koi Ranj Fiza Ki Chilman Mein

Kaise Kahen Kya Hai Sitam
Sochte Hai Abb Yeh Hum
Koi Kaise Kahen Woh Hai Ya Nahi Humare
Karte To Hai Saath Safar
Fasle Hain Phir Bhi Magar
Jaise Milte Nahi Kisi Dariya Ke Do Kinare

Pass Hain Phir Bhi Paas Nahi
Humko Yeh Gum Raas Nahi
Seeshe Ki Ek Diware Hai Jaise Darmiyan

Sare Sehmein Nazare Hain
Soye Soye Vaqt Ke Dhare Hain
Aur Dil Mein Koi Khoyi Si Baatein Hain

Kehne Ko Jashan-E-Bahara Hai
Ishq Yeh Dekhke Hairaan Hai

Phool Se Khusboo Khafa Khafa Hai Gulsan Mein
Chupa Hai Koi Ranj Fiza Ki Chilman Mein

Humne Ne Jo Tha Nagma Suna
Dil Ne Tha Usko Chuna
Yeh Dastan Humen Vaqt Ne Kaise Sunai

Humjo Agar Hai Gumgin
Woh Bhi Udhar Khush To Nahi
Mulakato Mein Jaise Ghul Si Gai Tanhai

Milke Bhi Hum Milte Nahi
Khilke Bhi Gul Khilte Nahi

Aankhon Mein Hai Baharein Dil Mein Khilza

Sare Sehmein Nazare Hain
Soye Soye Vaqt Ke Dhare Hain
Aur Dil Mein Koi Khoyi Si Baatein Hain

O Hoo Kehne Ko Jashan-E-Bahara Hai
Ishq Yeh Dekhke Hairaan Hai

Phool Se Khusboo Khafa Khafa Hai Gulsan Mein
Chupa Hai Koi Ranj Fiza Ki Chilman Mein

Welcome to Sajjanpur

Hmmm.. I am attempting a movie review after a very long time. For a movie i watched nearly 3 weeks ago.Welcome to Sajjanpur. The major reason i went to the movie was because it had shreyas in it.(It was only after booking the ticket that i got to know he was married.) First things first. The sets! I seriously thought they shot the movie in a real village. (Of course, friday supplement of the hindu told me it was a set in Ramoji film city) Though people found the film funny, i was deeply moved by the underlying sorrow. I mean, you can laugh when the big shot explains how his wife killed a maid, but i was thinking about the horrible state of the country where the caste system still claims many lives. Also the scene where a guy comes to shreyas asking him to compose an sms. His friends reply. The scene where the village big shot doesnt know how to write his name but the eunuch whom everyone looks down upon,does. The letter Shreyas writes to the collector calling the Muslim person in the village a pakistani spy, A young wife writing letter after letter to her husband who decides to sell a kidney to make a home for her in a foreign city, The young widow who falls for a compounder.. Every character had something to do and was well crafted. A seemingly happy movie filled with sorrow. It seemed to tell me time and again that no matter how sophisticated we seem/want to be, dreams somehow drive us. I want to appreciate the director for the good job he did.True i had a nice time laughing. true a lot of people couldnt appreciate the movie. But i really liked it. (It was worth the trouble getting up so early on a saturday morning.)

The movie set me thinking.(I mean, anything and everything does. But this kind of thinking was about what i am doing and what i should do.) I belong to this population that is 'just out of college in a good job'. All most of us can think about is how to climb the corporate ladder.(I do too sometimes) But in our frenzy we forget that majority of the country lives in villages. villages where a cell phone is a thing to wonder at(I am having my fourth one now in 5 years)Villages where most people dont know how to sign their name. I dont feel like blaming the government for not improving the lot of the masses. When me and the many like me are not doing anything much about it. All i am doing is now acting shocked and blogging about it. But what am i doing to change things? I will most probably forget the whole issue in sometime and start worrying about which restaurant to eat at in the weekend and think of another movie to watch. I am somehow not proud of myself at all.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008


Disappointment he felt
Or was it disgust?
Disgust at the world
around him
That saw people for what they had
with them
rather than in them
What happened to the black and whites?
Where did the grey come in?
Why did the grey come in?
Complicating his whole life
He couldnt stay away from black
for in it
he searched for a shade of grey

Where was this thing called love?
Where had it disappeared?
Or had it found expression
in the many many gifts exchanged?
Were they afterall required
to assert an affection?
Was something valuable
valueless sans valuables?
Why was this life
so materialistic?

He walked down the lane
staring at the lights shining around
bright and gaudy
as if to mask
the lack of light
within our souls
Souls which sought
a material proof
for everything
Sould which could
forgive the unforgivable
and remember the pardonable

How i hate to be a part of it all!
How i hate to smile
fake smiles
and laugh when in torment
He screamed to the stars
that shone down
Were they laughing?
or was it pity
at the few lonely souls..

Mortals whose morals never changed
in the modern world..
Mortals who tried to be honest
to whom every lie was still a sin
mortals who dint believe
in hiding behind the veil
called civilisation..
mortals who dint attach
a value to the invaluable..
Mortals who were valueless
to the masses...
for they just had love in their heart
love unexpressed
by valuables....

Mortals trying to lead
a moral life
Trying not to fail miserably
Trying not to commit
the same mistakes twice
Lonely unhappy mortals
Seeking the light
hidden away
by the blinding rays around