Friday, April 25, 2008

I have finally finished my term paper on wasteland. I am so happy. Now its time to do the introphil assignment. Talk about an unending to do list. Had a brilliant farewell. Thanks guys. For putting up with my crazy whims and fancies and still writing a nice write up. :) Especially to rama for rendering it brilliantly.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I am irritated. I am angry. Sick and tired of people obsessed with one thing or the other. But then come on even i am obsessed with myself. Guess i should learn to live with it. I do live with it by my favorite strategy avoidance but sadly i cant go for a head on attack with respect to the issue i am irritated over. So i guess i better avoid it for now as anyway its just a temporary phase. But i sometimes do really really wish people can see beyond their obsessions. Atleast avoid make shift conversations..(the ones started for the heck of it. You know when it start that in a few minutes it will deviate towards their obsessions.) That is what irritates me the most. Make shift conversations. Sometimes people do the same mistakes they could not tolerate in the rest. I dont want to be the one pointing it out to them. SPARE ME!

Burial of the dead

Was just trying to comprehend Eliot's Wasteland.I was reading Burial of the Dead. I was just amazed by all the symbols i saw. Though the flow was not really continuos, there was some kind of beauty in those lines. I am glad i spent time reading it. Came up with around a thousand words linking the poem with the first world war. Interested people do contact me for copies. (Yema i am mailing you one.) :D

Monday, April 14, 2008

Psenti Moments

Meera Bhawan Farewell 19th april. Thats like one week from now. Then a series of farewells. I just cant believe its almost time for me to leave BITS. Till now, farewell was this occasion to over eat and look at people clothed in formals and comment about that.I remember Nov 2004.My first MB farewell. The food was brilliant. Now i am the person who's being sent away from my home away from home. I thought i had a lot of time left. Time has just passed by. I am looking at my own life like i would a movie. I assure you that it is very very funny :) Me and my "I am great and infallible" notions. What a kid i was. I literally grew up in this place.(Though my wingies still find me childish)

I was sitting and thinking about the many people who have walked in and out of my life. ( Its a huge no.. esp in the last 4 yrs) The many brilliant mistakes i have made. The many friends i have gained and the many realisations i have had over a cup of tea or a bottle of cold water.Leaving BITS... I dunno. I cant imagine thinking in terms of months and not semesters. I cant imagine not having a mess to go for lunch and a gang of friends chattering away while eating. In PS i always knew i would come back. Now i cant though i might want to. Its wierd. Seems just like last sem that i joined with my crazy dressing sense. Not just a whole new wardrobe but a whole new me. Well not totally new. There is thing you know.. you know a lot of things about yourself deep in your heart which you refuse to acknowledge. Once you accept it, you act as though you just realised it. Thanks to BITS these four years i have kinda accepted myself for who i am.

Life has not been easy. But then it can never get easier. Every road here, every block in MB, every class i went to, every cnot dinner, every dish i hogged in the mess, the ever friendly mess bhayyas, the swindling cycle wala,my first lady bird, the sarvi visits, the scary labs, psenti sem enthues :D, every movie i watched, every book read and discussed,every person who ever meant anything to me... it is all in my head. Unforgettable. Pleasant/Unpleasant it does not matter. As much a part of me as those crazy games i played with my sis as a kid. Some memories i never want to visit. Few people i would be better off forgetting. But then i guess i have to be thankful for the wonderful moments we shared and the hard facts about life they taught me. Doesn't everything happen for a reason?Few things i still cant digest though i adopt this philosophical tone. But then thats the brilliant thing about life. It just goes on. On and on and on. Teaching me something new each day. The best part about college is that most mistakes are repairable. Being human, making mistakes is just part of life. Nothing is unforgivable..(er...few things are :)) Every mistake-Just another lesson in life.Well learnt? Thats a different issue.. ;)

I did not feel so bad when i left Madurai to come to Pilani. I guess its because i knew i could go home whenever i wanted. Coming back to Pilani? I dont know when i am going to see this campus after 14th may.That brings me back to the question in my mind. If i could, will i relive these 4 years make different decisions, do things differently? Frankly i think not. I mean wonderful moments and everything is fine. But what is life if there is no mystery? No problem to break ones head over? ( My so called problems in first year are so damn funny when i think about it now.)I am now an adult. Hardly two months from now ill be joining a company and i have to start earning and living on my own. It all seems so sudden. I dont know how well equipped i am for that. Though I would like my life to go on this way without responsibilities, with my laziness and last minute work,I guess i would get bored with it eventually. I want new challenges to face, new territories to conquer and not to forget new people to meet. BITS- the one place i can never forget and will fondly remember when i sit whining about the work i have, a few months later. :)

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Numbers

Numbers-- i was always fascinated by them. Now i am watching a series named so. I am not one for sitcoms. The FRIENDS bug has not bit me ever. But i am scared i would start liking this. Its nice. Still Jeannie tops the lists. I want to be a witch.. :)

Broken dreams

Now nothing more 
than a memory real pleasant
Or was it unpleasant?
A mere memory brought 
forth all unshed tears

She had scoffed happily
at sentiments forever
It seemed like forever
But then it was just the few years of her life
Unaffected by words, deeds and silence
Untouched and Unharmed
The golden girl
Oh! It all seemed so far away

Change she had never thought
would affect her so much
Change she had never thought 
would make her heart bleed
Relate she did to the kid 
losing his pet goat
to a butcher 
The smile of the content family
was it worth the sacrifice??
Senses said yes..
Try convincing the heart
Just try..

Is life all about the greater good??
Is life all about sacrifices?
She never could affirm it.
She watched it go down
brick by brick
the mansion of her dreams
Life.. never would it be 
the same again.

Memories-how ever can they replace
the moments??
She turned away
Walking farther and farther
from her broken mansion
from her broken heart
she never can escape...
Substitutes sometimes dont exist.