Saturday, May 31, 2008

an old poem found in a torn diary

A long winding road ahead
a heavy disturbed heart at work
Heavy with loss
heavy with sorrow
heavy with hatred
Hatred at the world
hatred at life
hatred borne
out of excessive love
Hatred i hate
Hatred i love

Tears flow down ceaselesly
Tears i treasure
Tears damn despicable
Tears i just
want to hide
Tears i want
a hand to wipe
Tears i spend
awaiting a hand
a loving hand.

I dont know what brought about
this state of mine
Extremely confused
extremely battered
almost tattered
All alone
sans friends
sans love
Just alone
Awaiting the dawn
hopefully, somewhere near.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Letting go!

Why is letting go so difficult? I mean you try to forget something and you are convinced that life changes and you can be who you are without having what you had. But then memories haunt you and each and every insignificant detail comes into your mind. I guess its an indication that you cannot not let go of it as it an integral part of you. :) For those of you who have not understood what i am talking about, remember i just came back from this wonderful place called pilani which i dont know when ill ever see again. I dont want to go and relive those years.. They were really wonderful. I dont want them to lose their magic by reliving them all over again.
I am just scared about being an adult. Takes me back four years. I was scared about going to pilani. In fact all the more than now. Those four years have given me self confidence . I believe i am equipped to handle what life dishes out to me. Even if not equipped, i can somehow equip myself. Hakuna Matata.. Will miss you Pilani. So long and thanks for all the fun!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

cooking!

Cooking is such a pleasure. What i love about it is eating what you made and enjoying it. I mean its so amazing to enjoy ones own creation. Guess you have to experience it. Maybe this is how edison felt sitting under a bulb. Simple pleasures are the greatest. Made and had murungakkai kozhambu and podalanga kootu today. I am so happy. :)

Lost purse!

I dedicate this post to my lost purse.. Dont even have a pic of it. :(

Monday, May 19, 2008

4*365?!

Difficult to believe ill never see Pilani again for quite sometime. Feels like a while back that i was shopping and packing in order to leave this place. Now i am back here and four years.. what a lot has changed! What a lot remains just the same! I am preparing myself again. This time for a new job in a new place. guess life is all about expectations.. Goodbyes and hellos form an endless cycle.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

farewell my friend

Closed doors 
Closed minds
Closed dreams
Closed eyes
seperate us
How why when
did it happen?
I remember not
Moments precious we shared
Memories beautiful we have
locked away in some corner
Maybe one fine day
well look back and wonder
Was it worth it?
I call it anger
You call it ego
This thing that spoils
all that we ever had.

Oh why do i lock you out so?
Why do i close my eyes so?
I dont know
Or dont i want to accept?
Thats its finally over?
The beautiful glass
lies shattered
Nothing can ever restore
its initial beauty
Many others will take its place
Isnt that what life
is all about?
Lost relationships 
and the new new ones?
I know not what to say

As i bid farewell to many
I think of our unsaid goodbyes
Meet will we ever?
Will our paths ever cross?
Our sharp eyes
do they notice the old friend 
hidden in the now new stranger?
I know not.
All I know my friend
is that time has come 
for a final farewell
a silent one
in my heart
Not anywhere else
One that you never will hear.

Oru poiyAvathu sol kaNNE
un kAdhalan nAn thAn endru
andha sollil uyir vAzhvEn (2)

pookkaLil unnAl saththam
adi mounaththil unnAl uththam
ithai thAnguma en nenjam (2)

peNmaiyum menmaiyum pakkam pakkam thAn
romba pakkam pakkam thAn
pArththal rendum vEruthAn
pAlukkum kaLLukkum vaNNam ondru thAn
undAl rendum vEruthAn

iravinai thirattiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....
iravinai thiratti
kaNmaNiyin kuzhal seithArO (2)
nilavin oLi thiratti kaNkaL seithArO
viNmeen viNmeen kondu viralin nagam samaiththu
minnalin keetrugal kondu kai rEkai seithAnO
vAdai kAtru pattu vayathukku vandha pookkal kondu
thangam thangam poosi thOL seithAno
AnAl peNNE uLLam kallil seithu veiththAno

(oru poi)

nilavinai enakku arugil kAttiyathu neethAnE (2)
malarin mugavarikaL sonnathu nee thAnE
ooo kAtru poomi vAnam kAthal pEsum mEgam
arimugam seithathu yAr yAr en anbE nee thAne
gangai gangai Aatrai kavithaikaL kondu tharum

kAviri ootrai kannil kaiyil thandhavaL nee thAnE
AanAl peNNE nenjai mattum moodi vaiththAyo

kAthal kaNNE nenjai mattum moodi vaiththAyo

Friday, May 02, 2008

Dreams

Dreams-- of what use are they
If all they can do
is show what you can never have?
Dreams-- oh why do they haunt me so?
Of all beautiful colours and shapes
Of all wonderful ideas and thoughts
Why now?
When all i can do
is watch them go by
in the blink of an eye
There they are
so far away already
Moving so quickly
watching me run behind them
Is it this very chase
that makes them know
how much they mean to me?
Is it this very chase
that makes me lose
all that ever matters to me?
To chase is what i thought
i existed for
To dream is what i thought
man was made for
What a cruel joke this life is
when all it can do
is call you near
and move farther and farther away
What a mockery by him
to let me know
it was of no use.
No struggle
No battle
No war
No boundary
can ever ever be conquered
They exist just to remind you
what you can never do.