Thursday, December 31, 2009

Plagiarism

I flicked this from something Aishu told me yesterday. I dont know where she got it from. :D

"Having a long distance relationship is like having fish as a pet. You can do nothing but stare at the bowl in which it is held."

:D

12 in 12

One more year is done and I cant believe how much things have changed in the last one year! A few discoveries I never wanted to know about, a few choices I wish someone else had been asked to make and a few days, someone else could have lived. Now that I am done with the unpleasant stuff, 2009, was absolutely awesome! The 12 remarkable things that stood out (Not necessarily one for each month)
  1. I moved out on my own! I got a house and then slowly learnt to live with all the responsibilities that come with one. I am still as happy as I was the day I started living on my own
  2. I was introduced to new authors, started appreciating older ones and of course expanded my existing book collection. (Retirement plan is a library)
  3. My writing improved. My blog is definitely happier now than before even if it is not record breaking stuff.
  4. Made up with a few people who mattered. Thanks 183 for being there for crazy me
  5. Almost done with learning to drive a car.
  6. Thanks to few people, realised it is not worth the trouble to try to stay in touch with those that would never matter. There would only be spite, jealousy and anger.
  7. When you try to save someone drowning in a moat of self pity, most probably, you would also be sucked in with them. Nothing is going to help them, for their troubles are created.
  8. I found myself in a lot of ways. I found the peace i so badly sought. Thanks to the rainbows. All the beauty in the world is now in the palm of my hand.
  9. Snehasadan and the children there. It is quite unfortunate that I cannot go there any more. But they added so much meaning to my life.
  10. My vacations. :D
  11. Finished 3 + .5+ .5 in the 30 before 30 list. :)
  12. Got insomnia and then got rid of it too.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A few specials

  1. Peter English Shirts just Rs.25 a piece
  2. Very much America. A 2 wheeler in the right side of the road curses the car in the left side
  3. Sboken Inglish tot hear
  4. " We modern peoples. No road side thing. Only brand. See Ray Ban"
  5. "He is a truthful guy. He has a long moustache"
  6. "Why is the army fighting in the border? Send Captain Vijayakanth. He will manage the enemy troops by himself."
  7. My son in foreign. Bangaloor. Big. Very Big
  8. "I no talk Tamil. We improve. Only English talk."
  9. "You are very beautiful. I want friendship"
  10. "I know why you are getting only a 4 wheeler licence. You will only marry a guy with a car so you can take the children to school"
P.S: Points 5,6,10 translated from tamizh for those who dont know the lovely language.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Untitled ramblings or is it enlightenment?

People age. Agreed. It is a well known fact. It happens as they say due to the passage of time.
Food items come with an expiry date. Everything in the world does I think. Is it only because of this heartless thing called time? Or is it wrong in calling time heartless? Is time something wonderful as time and again it gives us new experiences, helps us open our souls and strive to leave behind our shortcomings? What i sometimes wonder does improvement achieve? I have asked this question so many times in so many forms in this blog.

I sometimes feel, human beings only want more the more they get. So does all this change for the better really help us in the long run? I dont know. As usual, i deviate from the topic. That way, it seems so sensible that this post is untitled as we cant possible title and classify our thought process.

You start with something which leads to another and then to another and then you are just left with a striking revelation that you never even set out to find in the first place. The revelation i just had is that, Life for all its absurdity is in a way too glorious to be captured by words. I have all the time in the world to reflect thanks to the luxurious life i lead (compared to every third indian living below the poverty line) I wonder if i still would when i am hungry. I guess I would just wail foood.

Licences

I am dead scared of traffic. Driving a two wheeler in madurai was the closest i have come to controlling a motor vehicle. For those of you who have driven around in places with unregulated traffic, you know how painful this is. I was so bugged that I never drove a vehicle after that. (My darling cycle in pilani is a different story) However, thanks to the miracle man, I now wanted to get a 4 wheeler licence. Today, I went to get my LLR. After submitting all the required documents, I was eagerly waiting to write my test when the computer screen greets me with a pop up "No more candidates to take the test!" (Madurai has an online exam you have to pass to get an LLR. Talk about advancement! They had brilliant computers there.)

I ask the guy near me and he greets me with a wide smile (The ones usually reserved for damsels in distress) and he tells me, "Ungalodathu thaane madam, avar ezhuthittu irukaaru"(translation: Madam, your exam is being written by him) pointing to an idiot in another computer. I run there to see my face in the terminal and one of the guys in the RTO office writing my exam!

I rushed in and successfully answered questions. However, it was he who clicked it. This, they said, was how it was being done for everybody. And this, i am not at all happy with. Funniest part is, i realise, this is how all our lives are too.

In each one of us exists the innate desire to be accepted. To be given the licence to live without being judged. The licence to live our lives the way we want it without too many complications. As simple as it might seem to most people, in reality, it seldom is the case. Sometimes, the path leading to it is so treacherous that people choose to perish or to give up what they wanted in the first place. They find it a lot easier to let more experienced people live their life. I usually struggle to not swim with the tide. I fight against it when it is not what i have envisioned for myself. However, with time, I am human enough to get tired. But just the firm belief that what lies at the end is worth it, keeps me going.

I dedicate this post to all people out there, who are waiting for this licence. It is of course a different issue that one should be mature enough to utilise the licence without misusing it and becoming a public nuisance. I pray for the wisdom to live my life

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Barking at the Moon - Jenny Lewis

Heard the song in bolt. Loved it. Sigh. Awesome. I know I am sentimental sometimes. :D

I have got so much to give, I swear I do.

I may not have nine lives, this one feels brand new.
Yes I've lived a good one.
I have tried to be true.
There are some things I never realized, till I met you.
How the wind feels on my cheeks, when I'm barking at the moon.

There is no home like the one you've got, cuz that home belongs to you.
Woo Woo! Here I come.
Woo Woo! Back to you.
There is no home like the one you've got, cuz that home belongs to you.

Well I was in trouble, bad.
I was so confused.
I may not see in color babe, but I sure can feel blue.
I have been a lot of things, they may not all be true.
My experience was so mysterious, till I met you.
Now the sun may rise in the east, but I'm barking at the moon.

There is no home like the one you've got, cuz that home belongs to you.
Woo Woo! Here I come.
Woo Woo! Back to you.
There is no home like the one you've got, cuz that home belongs to you.

There is no home like the one you've got, cuz that home belongs to you.

There is no home like the one you've got, cuz that home belongs to you...

Saturday, December 26, 2009

New beginnings

There is something very beautiful about a beginning. There is so much of hope, fear and joy in it. Not to mention, a beauty that words cannot capture. Everyone has had a chance for a new beginning. It need not be something very major like a job change or a new college/school.

It can be something as simple as being able to get into the kitchen for the second time after you successfully burnt a family's dinner the previous night.

It can be your first attempt at trying to master a vehicle.

It can be your first attempt at trying to swim

It can be your first attempt to forgive an irritating sibling and forgetting his/her ignorance

It can be your nth attempt to convince someone of your undying love

Whatever it is, every human being has his/her own new beginning and at that level all of us connect. No matter what race or color, we understand how scary it is to leave behind our own sanctuaries and venture out into the wild. We know what it is like to hope and what it is like to dream. I can see that connection and I feel so much in sync with the rest of the world. (That doesnt mean i am going to do what they want me to. I would still only follow my heart. )

I am inspired by the life around me to create a masterpiece. To give back what has been given to me with interest.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Time account

There are times in your life when you have so much to do and so little time.

Then again, there are times when you have so little to do and so much time.

Can i just save minutes like you know have a seperate account where like money, i save seconds and use it on a busy day? ( I am not that great at saving for a rainy day. still..)

This is just what is running in my mind right now. Maybe, it is high time i did something about my book.

Happy christmas

This is the season of joy and cheer..

I still remember my 2003 Christmas when i was in school. We always had a lovely celebration. I know a lot of stories and gospels from Christianity thanks to my school. I love the concept of Christmas and the way people celebrate it by giving gifts.

I want to wish each and every one of you a merry Christmas. Celebrate life and appreciate those around you. Nothing is going to be better than that..

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I have bubble gum in my hair. Not to mention, a severe neck pain thanks to sitting in a so called special AC bus which cost me the earth and was still crappy. I have to definitely put in a word about my co-passengers who were coming to tamil nadu for the first time. "The conductor says the bus will reach at 8. But my calculations said 6.30! I guess it is because chennai to madurai is 150km less than bangalore to madurai." Wonderful information if it had been correct. But i did not want it at 12 in the night.

All of a sudden one of them breaks into tamil! As my sister rightly put it, all these guys know are three languages and they are trying really hard to flaunt it. Sigh.. I hope we were (the wing in college) not so bad when we were travelling to bits.

Thankfully, the almighty was a little merciful and there were no wailing children on board. I am now sitting happily at home and wondering if the journey was worth the trouble! Still, i have 11 more days left!

Monday, December 21, 2009

If i look at it from where i am now, I have only one question. What does all of this achieve? This drive to stand out, this drive to want to reach the stars.. At the end of the day, there are others who stand out as much as you, to reach the stars you have to have a space jet and no matter how high you go, you can still climb higher.

I guess, it is anyday better when you are happy being who you are, they way you are, striving to compete with yourself. I am already half asleep. So i shall not try to type something revealing now. :D

Time

A time to work
A time to live
A time to indulge
A time to unwind
A time to love
A time to let go
A time to speak
A time to be silent
A time to be happy
A time to be sad
A time to dream
A time to wake up
A time to party
A time to disappear
A time to describe time..

What time is it for me now?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Why men should not write advice columns

Hope everybody who reads it gets a good laugh! Thanks Rama~!

http://www.funfunky.com/why-man-should-not-write-columns-t23833.html

Monday, December 14, 2009

A scribe from the dark

I love the night. I love staring at the starry sky and attempting to spot zillion star clusters. They seem to welcome me wholeheartedly. A huge contrast from the sun. I end up getting away from it in the shade of my sun glasses.

I connect so quickly to the outside world with the help of my faithful companion. My lovely laptop and I have hours of conversation as i open myself up to explore many facets I never knew existed. I dont hear the constant honking of horns that seems to symbolize bangalore life to me nowadays. I love the night.

I can talk for hours on the phone and there is none to overhear what i talk. Though sometimes there is none to talk to. But different time zones across the globe does serve the purpose. I am awake while the whole world around me sleeps. I love the night.

I love reading a book when there is no noise whatsoever. The experience is so fulfilling and oh! So beautiful. To be lost in words and to be carted off to a faraway world sometimes filled with people very like those you know and sometimes very different, is a beauty i dont find words to explain. I love the night

I love the music i hear at minimal volume which in the day is consumed by the noise outside. I truly, unwind. I am in sync with the life around me and for a change, it helps me relax. I hear the tiniest change in beat, the smallest shift in tone and in the almost noiseless music i hear, I really listen. I hate loud noises. I love the night.

I prey on unsuspecting people by leaving behind scraps or wall posts for them to answer. I read my newspaper in the night. I am sure that all earth shattering stuff can definitely wait a day for me. The feeling of power i get then, I doubt if anyone would understand. I love the night

I fall into a deep sleep that nothing can easily wake me up from, thanks to the silence and the acceptance around me. I love the night. I always will.

There is something about the night that attracts me a lot nowadays. Earlier this day, I was contemplating my life two years ago when i woke up at the unearthly hour of seven almost everyday. Now that I think about it, I feel I cannot pull it off. I am in love with the night and the silence and the beauty that surrounds me then.

I love the night. I dedicate this post to my best friend, the deep dark night sky and the accepting silence I get everynight. (I wanted to write everyday, but then, it is not day)

Sloth

I love running around. I do that a lot especially in the weekends. But this sunday, I just stayed put for most of the day and believe me, I enjoyed it! I doubt if i would be happy doing it for a long time, but once in a while seems just about fine with me. Sleeping all day without a care in the world and waking up to read.. I finished Agatha Christie's "Man in the brown suit" It was a decent read. Had a little romantic story line and you seldom find that in her books. I finished it and was contemplating life and somehow, felt happy and blessed. I know that that is not the usual feeling one gets after reading a mystery novel. Thats how i felt though. :)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Comic Cafe

I stumbled across this place in koramangala tonight.It is called Comic Cafe. I liked their concept. They have a room full of comic books and also a coffee and soft drink vending machine. You pay 15 rs for half an hour and 6 rs going forward and you can sit and read as many books as you want. I loved the idea! Unfortunately, they had mostly Japanese comics and I am not a huge fan of the same. But the place was so peaceful and the experience was also wonderful. I have to appreciate this idea. Seems like a good retirement plan for me. :D

Saturday, December 12, 2009

High Hopes

I am a huge fan of Pink Floyd. But this post has nothing to do with it except for the title.

The story begins a few days ago when i decided to go for a complete make over. (That in my dictionary means shopping till i drop and claim the new clothes reflect my recent personality) Today was the date i had decided for the same and i had a wonderful time table in mind. However, I had the misfortune of borrowing a pair of shoes. Then, as they say, it all began.

I couldnt balance for the first one hour (Did i mention it was highest heels i had worn in my life? And did i also mention that i usually have problems balancing in heels?) I attributed it to the flats i usually wore and thought that i should wear more such footwear often and look taller and er.. Graceful. :D Post lunch, Strands books sale was in my agenda. I go over to hotel chalukya and disaster strikes as i try to cross the road. I cant walk fast and the traffic hardly stops for a few seconds. After few unsuccessful attempts, i succeed and find myself face to face with one of the few exhibitions i had liked last year.

I search for my phone to call up mom and ask for her wishlist (Makes me sound like a sweet daughter right? Believe me, I am) I cannot find the damn thing! Quite unlike me to forget my phone. Since I am always talking, I never leave it behind. Today's company had a lot of interesting things to say that the cell phone seemed secondary. Company was already irritated with my antics and I was sure I would be dumped in sometime.

Coming back to strands, I rush in to see loads of people standing around. I move from one table to another and finding a good book becomes an impossibilty. Then i notice, the searing pain in my foot. I frantically search for a place to sit and that with time, became a distant hope and so i rush out to sit in the steps and watch the traffic and wait for the company to miss me. (I forgot my phone. So all medium of communication cut off and i was too lazy and in pain to find company)

An uneventful fifteen minutes later, I am rescued and taken to the next shoppers stop. I for a change find the dress of my dreams there (yes, I love exagerrating) and again am unable to hunt longer. Thanks to pain in the leg. I sit down and watch the people in the shop (Couples, singles, all of them modelling. Sigh)

As no visit to Garuda is complete without one to M.G.Road, I go there and again, it happens, the pain and the lack of seating arrangements. (I had decided not to eat out more than once so i DID NOT want to enter a restaurant.) Desperation drew me to a BATA showroom and i bought myself a pair of beach wear. The sins of my past however haunt me and I still am suffering from the pain.

I dedicate this post to all women who wear heels and carry it off. Long live your legs. I shall remember them in my prayers.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Gyan

I was organising my computer and realised i had a lot of unpublished stuff. A few lines i had penned down and never published. :)

Its not that you will fall that matters. Its whether you enjoyed doing what you do before that and also how fast you are ready to get up...

More than enough aint never enough. :D

We could spend our whole lives working but we are young only for a little while. So pause and look and yes take a deep breath! Enjoy your youth too.

Improvement is a life long process. Constantly evaluate yourself and compete with yourself. After all, you are easily the best that there is for yourself. :)

See where you have come from where you were. Then think if you would have complained then. ( I have to repeat this to myself sometimes. I can see a few raised eyebrows. Ok. A lot of times)

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Learning to fly

In her eyes I saw wonder
In her eyes I saw Joy..
Joy pure and beautiful
The beauty that inspired envy..

I tread carefully
Afraid my heavy steps
Would disturb what those eyes saw
She looked at me
Innocence radiating in the face
that turned to welcome me

"I am learning to fly"
She told me.
Shocked, Speechless I stand
My adult mind playing out
thousands of gory circumstances,

Imagining the little body fly down
From tall buildings and terraces
Scared, I pull her to me
and hold her tight

"Wings.. You need wings for that"
I tell her..
I wish it was not so soon for her to lose
her simple lovely innocence..
I pause to explain..
All lessons learnt in the many science classes
All lessons learnt that nipped many a dream in the bud

She waits with a patience of many a sage
She waits for the end of the long sermon
given out by the adult full of infinite wisdom
The adult, aware of the rules of the world

She gazes deep into my eyes and says,
"I am learning to fly and i am flying here"
I notice her hands pointing to her head

That minute I see the wisdom in the innocence
I wake up and understand
that it is high time i started learning to fly

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Commitment

I have commitment phobia. I always used to feel that commitments hinder one's independence and made it a point to not have too many. Then, with time, i understood that, I was committed to the idea of not being committed and reality hit me with its trademark punch. Nobody can escape them. You hate them, you start tolerating them and soon you realise, you cannot live without them (courtesy : Shawshank Redemption)

Commitments give you the reason to wake up everyday. Be it the commitment to your job, to your spouse or to the noisy children wailing in the background or best of all, to yourself. The trouble with human beings is that, they refuse to honour commitments they make. If the politicians had honored their commitments, there wouldn't be so much of corruption and violence in the country. If doctors honor their commitments, there wouldnt be high medical bills and people being hospitalised for a simple fever. If lawyers honored theirs, a lot of problems would be solved much faster. Autowalas, Traffic policeman, every human being driving in the road, every cook in a hotel, every person standing guard in the harbor.. If all of us, had a simple factor of commitment, Life would be so much more better.

What the world needs to achieve the world peace beauty queens rave about, is plain, simple commitment. Every one has a role to do in this world. I hope someday, we all decide to be committed to what we do and just fill the role up properly. I decide to commit to life and everything about it and do my bit to make the world a better place to live in

My commitment to my stomach now leads me towards the yummy food mom has made in the kitchen. :)

Saturday, December 05, 2009

I am hogging home cooked food and sleeping like a log. Wow! What a vacation!

And, I have got brilliant ideas for my book. :D

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Inspirational quotes

"Whatever you can do, or dream you
can begin it. Boldness has genius,
power and magic in it."
- Goethe

"The belief in a thing makes it happen."

- Frank Lloyd Wright

All blame is a waste of time.
No matter how much fault you find with another
and regardless of how much you blame him,
it wil not change you.

Music washes away from the soul
the dust of everyday life.
- Berthold Auerbach

"Achievement seems to be connected
with action. Successful men and
women keep moving. They make
mistakes, but they don't quit."
- Conrad Hilton

Quotes I read recently..

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Dissatisfaction

I guess it has become a favorite line of mine. "Life is very funny"

A reason i say this today is this word called dissatisfaction. Every human being at some point in his life or the other, aspires for something or to be something. Is he lucky the one who is able to attain his aspiration? Or is he lucky the one that keeps trying? I always felt the former was the glad one. But with time, i realise, that it is not always the case. You achieve what you wanted. There is so much of joy that you can never harness at that instant. It lasts for sometime. Then you get so used to the achievement. At this point, two extreme things happen. You are happy with what you are, remain sedentary and slowly rot away because, you no longer find the necessity to be better.

The second scenario: You like what you have for sometime and later, get so used to it and are not able to appreciate the finer points in what you have. You just wonder why your life has become so pathetic and what led you to take such decisions in the first place. (Human beings i think prefer being unhappy to happy) and you start to not want what you have. Your memory of life before your object of desire had been attained fails you. You are lost and all alone. Sometimes, people are lucky and they find something else to do that helps them achieve satisfaction. At other times, they arent. Disenchantment creeps in followed by our dear friend dissatisfaction. You wonder who you really are and if what you have and what you do represents who you are.

The age old human desire to fit in and stand out slowly starts expressing itself and you are back to square one. Now, all the more cynical.

I wonder, is it really worth all the trouble? This urge in us to keep wanting things and keep discarding them in the hope of something better? True, this led to evolution. True, this led to a lot of discoveries. But has this made things any different? Our concepts remain the same. We just call it different things.

Maybe this blog sounds incomplete. But it is just a snapshot of what is running through my mind. Maybe, on a later day, i might do something about it

Monday, November 30, 2009

Thought for the day/month/year

Marriage is like an unreserved bogey. Most of the who are in want to get out and most of those that are out want to get in. :)

Credit goes to Surendra.

The devil and the man

Not so long ago, there lived a man completely dissatisfied with his life. He felt he had too much to do and too little time for it. The man stuck a pact with the devil. The devil would do all that he wanted. But, if the devil was ever out of job, it would eat him up. He told the devil all the work that he wanted done. He went back home happy and stretched his leg, congratulating him on his intelligence. He would get so much work done and all for free! He was cocksure that the work he had given would keep the devil occupied for a few months. Hardly had a few minutes passed when the devil came running to him. “ I am done master. I now want something else to do.” The man was at his wits end. He thought for a few minutes and asked the devil to complete a few tasks for his neighbours.

They were really small ones. He had underestimated the devil and he knew the devil would come knocking any instant. He tasted death. He decided to go bid his wife good bye. He held her in a vice like grip and she asked him what the matter was. When he explained, she saw the fear in his eyes and understood that he would never stray again. She told him to make her the master of the devil. The husband, stunned by her loyalty, agreed. When the devil came, she took it aside and told it to try and straighten the dog’s tail. The devil tried for a very long time and has not succeeded till date.


Moral of the story:

You can never satisfy the devil
Too much of work is actually an illusion for overactive imagination. :D

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Khudaya ve - Luck

Khudaya ve, haiii aaahh…
Ishq hai kaisa yeh ajeeb.

Khudaya ve…
Ishq hai kaisa yeh ajeeb.

Dil ke kareeb laaya,
Dil ka naseeb re

Khudaya ve, haiii..
Ishq hai kaisa yeh ajeeb re,
Khudaya ve, haiii..
Ishq hai kaisa yeh ajeeb re…


Aakhon se khawab ruthe,
Apno ke saath choote,
Tapti hue rahon mein,
Pairon ke chaale phoote
Pyaase tadap rahe hai,
Saahil kareeb re]

Khudaya ve, haiii..
Ishq hai kaisa yeh ajeeb re,
Khudaya ve, haiii..
Ishq hai kaisa yeh ajeeb re…

Ni sa re ni sa re re ga re ga re re ga re,
Ma ga re sa ma ga re sa ma ga re sa…

Aansu namak se lage,
Rishte hai kachhe dhaage,
Raite pe apne saaye,
Khud se kyu durr bhaage

Kheech ke humko laaye,
kahan pe rakeeb re

Khudaya ve, haiii..
Ishq hai kaisa yeh ajeeb re,
Khudaya ve, haiii..
Ishq hai kaisa yeh ajeeb re…
Dil ke karib aaya dil ka naseeb ve

Thursday, November 26, 2009

The unspoken

So many times, so many things are left unspoken for reasons known and unknown. I was thinking about a lot of unspoken words today and realised that they haunt me more than all that i have ever said. Be it words of love, anger, joy or sorrow, the unspoken end up being your baggage for life. Is it ever too late to say something? Is it ever too late to apologise? Is it ever too late to express discontent? Is it ever too late to profess love? I really wonder.

There are instances when something disturbs me, but I am not able to find out what it is. It could be because my mind is completely exhausted or it could be because i do not want to accept the reason though it is right there in front of me. But it is moments like these that somehow enter my head to never leave. They come back one fine day and i reach a breaking point lashing out on some unsuspecting individual or in all probability on myself.

There are moments too precious which i hold dear in my heart. However, I have to admit, that i seldom tell it to the person/people who made it special. For all the noise i make, I realize, I am at a loss for words when I am surrounded by a love I don't trust myself capable of returning and also, when I am accepted for who I am. I wish my vocabulary improves. I wish, I at least retain these memories and that they have the power to sustain me when i most need it.

There are a few lovely individuals whom i have come across in the long path i took to the present. I am hardly in touch with most of them. I wish I can do something to set right all the wrongs. I know that sometimes it is too late. I also know that sometimes, all it takes is a phone call. I want courage to do what is right and to follow my heart.

I wish I speak the unspoken and ensure i never make the same mistake twice if i get a second chance. I hope that it never comes to me henceforth to wish for a second chance. Life, is really too precious.

Star Movies Marathon

I have never watched too many English movies. There was a point in time not too long ago when i did not know majority of the Hollywood big wigs. I referred to Morgan Freeman as the Shawshank Redemption guy. Now thanks to the current company i keep, I know a lot of names. I came home exhausted today and chanced upon a Julia Roberts movie,"Mona Lisa Smile." I liked it a lot and I have to admit that i was sad that i could not watch the entire movie. I think I will just download it. I felt, it was powerful and beautiful.

I watched "The hunting party" after this. Richard Gere had done a really good job as a journalist who had fallen from his pedestal. I guess the credit should go to the person who created the character. I liked a lot of dialogues in the movie. The story line is very simple. A young journalist(who is the son of the VP of a famous television network), a seasoned cameraman and a discredited war correspondent embark on an unauthorized mission to find the no. 1 war criminal in Bosnia. As i mentioned earlier, there are a few story lines I do not want to divulge. Just rest assured i enjoyed the movie and wished i got to watch something like this more often.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Equality

In this post, i intended to be a little brutally frank. I did not want people to get offended by the tone. However, Varun got so irritated that I realised that I might be in bigger trouble if someone who is not as mature reads it. Once I am famous, when i speak of such things it would be a controversy. Right now, It would only seem like i am on a vendetta. So, find below an edited verion. For those that are ready to read something more brutal, please contact me.

Earlier, it was difficult for a woman to aspire for a great job and still, a lot of women did and showed that they could. It was also difficult to justify getting a good education. They needed someone at home to run a lot of chores and things were a lot more difficult. (Paying electricity bill for one. Or even making batter for dosa. Not too many people had a mixie or a grinder) Technology has helped us in making things far more easier. Nowadays, with so much of jobs milling around and with opportunity knocking all around a person, i dont understand why educated and well qualified women want to get married and sit at home, rather than work.

Is it because they want to take care of the children? I am not against home makers. I really feel that the kid needs its parents. I said parents. Not mom. But then, how much does your child really need you to be there 24*7? (Do you intend to do something like get a degree after a wedding or start trading in stocks? Or pursue some interest in your spare time? I am not making fun of people like you here.) I am an extremely romantic person (Difficult to believe. But true. Just that men fail my criteria. Right guy hasnt come along) and right now, I never want to place myself in a position of dependency on anyone. I want everyone to contribute equally to the family. I want men to do household chores as well and I want to contribute to the bank balance in our joint account each month. I will also have one in my name!

I agree, working has a lot of disadvantages. You are exposed to a lot of pressure and sometimes it gets so bugging that you want to run away from everything and just sleep in a dark corner. However, i think i prefer this stage to sitting and doing nothing at home. I feel independent and I know for sure I can take care of myself without anyone's help. What are you doing to better yourself? I dont know why women who have the chance and who are given all the freedom to do things still dont make use of it. (I am not talking about women with babies. Yes, the kids do need you for sometime.) With people like this reservation for women, would not make too much of a difference. We would keep putting ourselves down.

A lot of people say that me and a few of my friends are too career oriented. I would just like to say that we know when to strike a balance.(Rama, I really admire you for that. Have i told it before?) We wouldnt throw up our family to pursue some rosy dream and we wouldn't throw up our career to sit at home and do nothing. We are contributors.

One of the reasons I dont like the so called smart educated girls is because, them throwing their career to the winds is sometimes, looked at like an example for us to follow. They are looked at like martyrs for the noble cause of betterment of humanity. I just hate it. Preethi says that this anger is injurious to me. Anyway, I have a lot of anger in me and I do intend to express it in a forum where my opinions will be aired even if not appreciated.I agree it is their choice. I am expressing their opinion. They are free to express theirs.

I want to reiterate the fact that I am not against marriage. I am all for having a family. But i want one where men and women contribute equally and not just the gold a woman has is looked at as an asset. I dedicate this post to my mom who has made me who I am and who has worked for as long as I can remember against all odds.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Just married

Well, it all started one fine day when she called us to her room to proclaim her choice. It was almost 2 years ago. I was so shocked at that time and it took me a long while to digest the information. Now, the day dawned when her wedding was drawing near and I knew that I had to be there for her that one day for sure.

Like minded idiots (Preets and Sova) joined me in this journey to Salem from Bangalore. This weekend will always stand out in my memory because of how peaceful it was.The trip from Bangalore to Salem was so beautiful! The wide roads, the local bus which despite its bumps did not damage us too much and of course the food we got as soon as reached.

The girl looked divine! She was always a very mature, level headed person (who incidentally tolerated a lot of my tantrums) but that day, there was a glow that wasnt there before. I guess this is what people mean by joy radiating out of one's soul. She patiently went through all the various procedures and what stood out was the evident fact that she was enjoying every second of it. All the various make ups, the change of dress, the million miniscule ceremonies the bride has to do. I have never seen someone so completely happy. I have to admit, i did feel jealous for the utter joy i saw there. She had found the man of her dreams and she, had succeeded in making him hers. I really have to applaud her for it.

We, (the supposed friends of the bride) were sitting and doing what we always did best. Gossiping! It was major fun guessing, checking and wondering what was going on. This was on Saturday, the day of the reception. Saturday night, we headed out to the hotel room that was reserved for us and after chatting for ages about everything we could think of (well, i did not plan to highlight the fact that data kept screaming to everybody in general to shut me up) we happily went to sleep at 12.30.

I really marvel the way people arrange weddings. One has to think of so much! The dresses for one, then the list of people to invite, the ones you can safely mail a card, the ones that would get offended if you did not go invite them in person, accomodation for all those from different parts of the world, then of course getting a few days off from work without too much trouble. Phew! I dread to even think about it.

I would love to remain single all my life. However, i know that someday I would have to get married and begin the life as a responsible adult (er, i always was responsible. Still, i dont know what else will be the difference marriage will bring to my life) and seeing Rama, I wish i would have be as happy as she was on her wedding day.


The day of the wedding, we rushed to the wedding hall at 6.30. She was completely surrounded by relatives so we couldn't see too much of what was happening on stage and once the ceremony was done, we hogged like crazy and set off to bang after another photo shoot. We literally barged into the stage and forced the bride and the groom to divert their attention to a gang of 6 mad girls and take a picture with them. All the relatives waiting were ignored until we got a satisfactory snap. (I was too shy, yes, shy to get on stage. It was Balli who paved the way by rushing ahead and happily posing. We had to follow suit)

How could I forget our photo shoot which made everyone around stare at us like we were a bunch of idiots?(I claim we got the attention because the concept of young independent women is new in India. Data says it was because of the ruckus we were creating in the wedding) We were posing all over the garden outside and clicking like crazy


The journey back was peaceful but long. It set me thinking about a lot of things about life and wondering as to where i saw myself and why a few years down the lane. I also spent a lot of time talking to Sowmya after ages. The only discordant note was the lack of sleep. But i guess it was worth it.I slept like a log last night.

I always thought that the Indian wedding is such a tedious and expensive affair. I personally want a register marriage and get it done with. But then, I dont know how successful i am going to be in implementing this whim of mine. The wedding day is our only chance to be hero/heroine and so a lot of us dont mind doing so many things for it. It is also so much fun because it gives everyone a chance to meet up.

This was the first wedding i attended whole-heartedly as an adult. I saw a lot of things i had never noticed before and it was one experience i would never forget. Earlier, the people in the background doing all the work were invisible to me. Now, I am sure the next wedding i go, ill pay more attention. Last thing i thought a wedding would do was improve my observation skills. Well, it really did. :)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Wedding bells!

Today, one of my favorite friends got married. I guess one of us has finally passed the threshold into adulthood. I wish her all the best and sincerely hope this new phase in her life is full of love, joy and hope. Happy married life Rama! I know i told you in the morning.. Still, I want to immortalise it in the only way i can right now think of. Love you. You are one helluva female.

P.S. A lot more on the trip to come up in sometime. I am too tired to write now.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Time for another one

I did not want to call this post "A question" again. This is anyway one. A sudden thought that just crossed my mind. Is it really necessary to name everything? Sometimes isnt it obvious once you get to know it? I wonder.. Coming back to the question.. It is this.

Is the not so distant future worth the sacrifice of a beautiful present?

I know a lot of you think the answer is a straightforward "yes". But I am not able to completely convince myself. Am i another impulsive idiot who strives to be different and stand out because it is cool? Or Am I another one of those thinkers whose ideas need a little getting used to? Or is the explanation a simple, "You are yet another young adult who is convinced she is different." ( I know is a combination of some aspects of both the options above)

I have all weekend to ponder. I anyway have a long journey to look forward to.

Misunderstood

I am nowadays being called a 'feminist'. I guess a few comments and my general attitude towards life and everything about it gives people the opinion that I am one. But frankly, I dont know if it is right ( I would love to say it is wrong. However, right now i am in a very, "lets put oneself in other's shoes mood". So i would say I dont know instead. Politically right.)

The dictionary says, a feminist is a person who advocates equal rights for women.

I on the other hand, advocate equal rights for everyone! The gender shouldn't matter. I dont think the world is fair sometimes. There is a lot of discrimination that occurs. Only sometimes is it gender based. I see a smart people being discriminated against by those that aren't that smart and seriously cannot understand/tolerate the level of intelligence they are seeing in another person. I get angry in these instances.

I see women, making use of the so called weakness of their sex, carefully manipulate men around. This makes me extremely mad. I have sometimes been told that i am extremely judgemental by so called sweet men.. I guess just the adjective sweet is enough for sensible people to understand the relationship to the word manipulated. They feel that women, being the weaker sex, should be treated so. These are the guys that drop girls home, insist on paying the bill everytime they go out with women, ask girls not to come back home late as the neighbors (whom they arent even on talking terms with) might think that they are not nice, feel that it is strange for a girl to propose etc etc..

Let me get it straight.. I dont mind being dropped home. I, infact like it. But i dont want it to be done, just because i am a female. I dont like people being manipulated to it. After all, man or woman, in the current scenario, a kidney is a kidney. I would be killed for it than anything else. So it shouldn't matter. I would like to be dropped home as an individual and not as a helpless female.. Am i a feminist? Am I not an individualist?

I really do not understand why people do not stand up for themselves. I, for one, keep doing that. (It is a different issue that sometimes I blow my top for really silly issues. That doesn't change the fact that otherwise, I stand up for myself) Does this make me a feminist? Just because i happen to be a woman who stands up for herself?

I do not place too much of value on the shoddy romantic stories written by young and old alike, with over active hormones. I feel it kills the romance in a person. This doesn't mean I am against the idea of love. I am just against sensationalizing it beyond a certain extent. Men like action books and stereotypical women, romances.. This is the generalization. I like neither. I like mysteries. Are there others like me out there being branded feminists too? I really wonder.

The problem with the world in general is that we so love to type cast things and people into different groups, subgroups and definitely cannot rest until the grouping is succesfully done. (For those that dont fit, there is an outlier group right?) I often hope that we stop doing that. While structure is necessary to a certain extent, trying to create segments too often and for everything does not make anybody happy at the end of the day. Maybe a few of us might harbor an illusion of happiness once we are settled comfortably into a group we like or once we start liking the group we have been fitted into. But that happiness does not last too long as after some time, we find we are different from the new entities in the group and want to reclassify ourselves.

I am for a world order of individualism where every human being is valued for what he is and not grouped and regrouped time and again.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Expiry date

Everything in the world, comes with one. The funniest part is that human beings fail to understand this sometimes. We forget that our own lives have an expiry date. We are too busy trying to adjust with other people, uncomfortable instances and of course with everything possible under the sun that we forget to enjoy the day hoping for something better later.

Things that have a earlier than indicated expiry date are my current nightmare. I never thought that the camera would start throwing a tantrum once its one year warranty period was over. :( I imagined an expiry date in a far flung future.

There are some ideas of mine, whose creation and expiry dates match. I am trying to dust them up from a distant corner of my imaginative mind and give them a form. I do not want them to die so early. However, the difficulty i face in giving them a form sometimes forces me to just throw them back into a darker corner. I do not want to be misunderstood. I wait for a while..

Relationships that have a short shelf life scare me a lot. You never realize when the blow is going to fall. As long as the expiry is slow and gradual, it doesn't hurt anybody. Sometimes, it isn't and then, you are left behind busy playing the blame game.

I wonder now if my memories come with an expiry date. Every thing i currently hold dear would be replaced with something far more precious. But then, Am i justified in comparing a dead past with a non existent future? I dont know. I feel the mind is like a deep hole. You push things in as you put stuff on top of them.

The robotic arm is triggered at times by things you do not know and then the flood gates open unleashing beautiful/ugly incidents and all those angels and demons you had kept safely inside. Unless you are strong enough, you will be washed away and there wouldnt be too much of you left to enjoy.. For memories are dangerous.. in more ways than one. Thank god for expiry dates.

Monday, November 16, 2009

A question


I am today stuck with a very interesting question. A thought process rather of which i see points in favor of both the sides of the argument. Is it always necessary to look ahead and plan for the future? Let me try to organise this blog. Atleast make it a little clearer than my usual ones

First in favor..

Before taking any decision, you look into the future and wonder how you are going to be placed by doing what you do, 15 years from now, with the assumption that, apart from the decision and its side effects, nothing else is going to change. You spend a few days contemplating and see if it is worth the trouble. If it is not, you simply choose not to do it. No matter how bad you feel because of the high probability you have attached to the failure of the event.

Now, my argument to the contrary

The future is something that is too distant. When things change in a matter of seconds, what is the point in looking at something that might be a few years later? Even a 90% probability can be reduced to 20% overnight due to some unexpected external change. For all you know, you might die sometime next month, hit by a speeding car. At that point, what is it that you are going to think about? The immediate regret? Or the satisfaction that the future you will never see was well planned for?

I am still thinking. :)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Just another love story

Tera hone laga hoon
Khone Laga hoon
Jab se mila hoon

The song was playing in the background and she smiled.Thinking about him. She wondered how everyone felt that such lyrics were tailor made for them and thought it was special. She hadnt told him how she felt yet. There was time. He called her a good friend and told her it was fun talking to her. That was yesterday. Hmmm. Finally the pig headed idiot accepts something. A slow grin crept in and she brushed it away.


Jana tum se tha jo roshan mera pyar pe yakeen


A few more words. She opened the book. It was a gift from him. They had gone out for a ride and stumbled across a quaint bookshop in the middle of nowhere. He had immediately ventured in to explore the place. It had a wide collection and he chose her favorite author.. Signed the front page and thrust it into her hands.

Kyun koi paas hai
Door hai Kyun koi
Jaane Na koi yahan pe

She did not know how she fell in love or for that matter why. Before he had come in, she had everything she possibly could want. (of course the usual issues existed. But then nobody can have a perfect life). After meeting him, the cliched movie line was all she could think of. Watching the Runaway bride had had its effects. "I know what i wont have if i let you go away.." She controlled herself from telling these lines oh! So many times. It was not the time. But she knew that he knew. After all, doesn't every man who receives such a flattering attention do?

You're the only one I ever believed in

The answer that could never be found

He was there everywhere. In every thought.. A dream that was now a reality..She was woken up from her thoughts by the phone ringing. The special ring tone for a special someone. "Hi! Are you busy?" He asked her. "Never for you" The words almost came out. Self control was what she was best at. But the unsaid words created an atmosphere of mystery. "Not exactly. I was just working on a presentation for office." His apologetic smile wafted through the telecommunication lines.. "How well i know him" She thought to herself.

Take my hand now
We'll run forever
I can feel the storm inside you
I'll stay with you

Then it came, like the bolt of lightning on the unsuspecting man taking refuge under the oak tree. "I want to tell Anitha how i feel about her. I mean, I am at a loss. It is high time. You are the only person I have to talk to. My best buddy.. Tell me, do you think I am old enough for this?" She was speechless. She felt she should be loyal to the trust he had placed on her and told him that he was old enough to take decisions about his life. It was fine. She would help him convince his parents after she agreed. She kept the phone down. The whole world was in pieces. Her world that is. To the rest, it would not matter.

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.

It was all a lie. The beautiful dream she had created for them. Maybe, he never understood. She opened her computer. The screen mocked her. The wallpaper was a picture of the two of them with a beautiful background. She looked at it objectively. Them together. Distancing herself from her emotions, she let cool logic take its place.. Just them as a mass of cells and a bundle of nerves..

Its such a crazy old town, it can bring you down
Till you run out of dreams

Yes. That was what had happened. She had run out of dreams after getting all that she had ever wanted. Lack of imagination, lack of an inspiration and loneliness together had ultimately succeeded and brought about the image of love in front of her eyes. A very tempting one that helped her cope with life..

Its only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

She was thinking..Words weren't enough! She looked at his picture again..Were these the same hands she had so badly wanted to be held in? They looked wrinkled.. Were these the same eyes she had dreamt of staring into? They looked so lifeless.. The smile! What had she found breath taking about it? It was as if there was a downpour and her carefully painted work of art had taken the hit.. Or maybe, it was just a simple case of a few hormones over reacting . A wretched existence.. her heart broken lost self wanted to brand hers just that. But she realized, she could never do that. She was really blessed with intelligence, wealth and affection from places that mattered.

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.

Well, her system did not play the right song now. Or maybe it was. She had to apologize to herself for putting herself through all this. Forgive thyself.. Hadn't they told that in school?She glanced at the new wall paper she had put in. It was that of day break.. An image she had captured on one of her long walks contemplating life. She had thought then, in her philosophical mode, that, for every day the sun sets, another beautiful day dawns. It was always just a matter of time.


My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone


Well, she wasnt too sure if she wanted to be found though. :)

P.S. I have written this story based on the lyrics of few of my favorite songs. I wanted it to be funny.Unfortunately, it ended up being serious. The story of someone who has a high self esteem and self respect.. It is not a tragedy. It is about new beginnings.

Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani

The plot is age old but really well taken. Boy meets girl by accident,boy falls in love, girl doesn't realise till late.. That is the end of the story. Sounds boring? But it isnt! I had amazing fun. I was just trying to recover from yet another bout of self imposed depression that all boring adults who have too much time bring upon themselves. believe me.. this movie made me sit up and laugh. There were definitely a few boring bits, for as they say, nothing is perfect..It dint prevent me from loving the movie though.
Ranbir! Thats all i remember after the movie! He was so awesome! He has a brilliant comic timing. I liked him in Wake up Sid.. In this movie, he literally shines! Katrina is as beautiful as ever and I loved her broken Hindi. :) The chemistry between the two on stage, literally gets to one.
For all those extremely logical human beings out there, a piece of advice ( I know thats all i keep giving for free) dont watch this movie. Forget logic and have a fun filled three hours watching a logic deficient celluloid reel.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Whats up?

How do you answer someone who asks you whats up? Sometimes i give silly and time tested oh its boring answers like "the sky". Sometimes, I say, "Nothing much". But everytime, someone whom i dont usually spend a lot of time talking to asks me this question, I wonder.. Is the elaborate truth the answer they really seek? Or is it just a formal question? I know it is the latter. We are all so caught up in our own speeding private galaxies that none of us have the patience to slow down and ask and listen. I guess it is because of the fear that our galaxies would then have to go on a different course. Also the fear of having to listen to something you dont want to. There is no time is the easiest escape route. Imagine a primitive man going hunting. You really think he would have stopped to ask such meaningless questions? If someone started a yarn, he'd have just hit him on the head with a club and gone ahead. Or if he'd really liked the person starting the yarn, helped him hit the guy who was the source of trouble. :D

I envy the primitive man at times. He could just let go of himself and express his anger, disgust, joy and sorrow. Us, we cannot do that even to the ones we hold dear. Why am I even talking about the dear ones? Even to our own selves. We are far more content sitting and suppressing our emotions and thinking it is the civilised thing to do. So much so that it comes out one fine day and you have no idea why it came to be in the first place.

I hate the controlled, repressed emotions. One should just let them be. As i was saying yesterday, find a positive outlet. I discovered it was writing. I wish everyone does. When I pen my thoughts down, I find a relief that is far greater than anything I have ever experienced. I feel there is a silent universe willing to accept me. I accept myself..

I dedicate this post to all those that encourage me writing. Especially to my mom who is the sole recipient of my temper tantrums. With her, I always act like a primitive human being.

P.S. The title of the post reflects the meaninglessness or the meaningfulness of this post. It is a case by case basis.. the title and the relation to the content.

Courage

What is the image that crops up in your mind when see/hear or read this word? That of soldiers poised in an unknown border waiting for the unseen enemy? That of a person fending off an attacker? I am not able to think of any other common answer.
To me, courage is beautifully showcased by the struggle each human being faces when greeted by change. It is not taking the right decision that matters.What ultimately makes the difference is sticking to it.
How many of us have that courage? Many fail in the first step and of the few who take the right path, a lot fail later. I am wondering today if I have the courage it takes to decide and live with my decisions. I hope I do.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Pointless noises

I hear this crazy cat wailing its heart out right outside my door. I make no secret of the fact that i hate cats and this one was no exception. Right when i was trying to think, this extremely stupid animal disturbs me. I turned all my anger towards the noise and as much as i tried it did not disappear. Well, for all of you that are laughing at me, I ask you to look at your own life.

For this stupid animal made me realize that a lot of my anger, was directed at things that i really couldn't do too much about. I feel I have done whatever i can about the issue and wash my hands of it, letting the frustration build and later blame everyone for everything possible instead of accepting that the source of all this is my misplaced righteous anger.

I guess I have to do a course in anger management. Time and again I have seen that anger when managed properly is such a tremendous force that brings out the best in a person. Sigh, right now, all i am going to do after giving such gyan is to sit and have a screaming match with the cat. Afterall, trying to become better is extremely time consuming and such a ready source to spout out anger should not be ignored. :D

Tera hone laga hoon

Love this song. Beautiful feel to it that makes me wake up to life. :)

Shining in the sand in sun like a pearl up on the ocean
Come and feel me
Girl feel me
Shining in the shade in sun like a pearl up on the ocean
Come and heal me
Girl heal me
Thiking about the love we making
And the life we sharing
Come and feel me
Girl feel
Shining in the sand in sun like a pearl up on the ocean
Come and feel me
Com’mon heal me

Oh aaja tu bhi mera mera
Tera Jo ikrarr hua
Toh kyun na mein bhi
Keh dun keh dun
Hua mujhe bhi pyaar hua

Tera hone laga hoon
Khone Laga hoon
Jab se mila hoon
Tera hone laga hoon
Khone Laga hoon
Jab se mila hoon

Shining in the sand in sun like a pearl up on the ocean
Come and feel me
O feel me
Shining in the sand in sun like a pearl up on the ocean
Come and heal me
O heal me

Waise to maan mera
Phele bhi raaton mein
Aksar hi chahat ke haan
Sapne sanjota tha

Phele bhi dhadkan yeh
Dhun koi gaati thi
Par ab jo hota hai woh
Phele na hota tha

Hua hai tujhe
Jo bhi jo bhi
Mujhe bhi is paar hua
Toh kyun na main bhi
Keh doon keh doon
hua mujhe bhi pyaar hua

Tera hone laga hoon
Khone Laga hoon
Jab se mila hoon
Tera hone laga hoon
Khone Laga hoon
Jab se mila hoon

Aankhon se choo lun ke
Bahein tarasti hai
Dil ne pukara hai haan
Ab toh chale aao
Aaoge shabnam ki
Boonde barasthi hai
Mausam ishaara hai haan
Ab toh chale aao

Bahon mein dale bahein bahein
Bahon ka jaise haar hua
Haan maana main ne maana maana
Hua mujhe bhi pyaar hua

Tera hone laga hoon
Khone Laga hoon
Jab se mila hoon
Tera hone laga hoon
Khone Laga hoon
Jab se mila hoon

Jail

No, this is not some philosophical ramble where i talk about human beings being imprisoned in a soulless body. This is a review of a movie I saw last week.

I never wanted to watch a serious movie on a weekend. I think there shouldnt be too much of serious stuff as people happen to take everything seriously anyway. But then, I had this insatiable desire to watch a movie in the theatre and the romcoms (rebound and ajab prem) were all sold out. I find Neel Nitin Mukesh cute and so, I ended up dragging my alter ego (the one that cant stand violence) to PVR.

It was a heavy movie. I have to admit that.(Alter ego almost walked out in one scene where the hero gets hit) The director had tried very hard to bring out the complexities in each character and try to make it as real as possible. It is a laudable attempt. I wouldnt say it was completely successful. (I pretend to be high and mighty at times. Let me be) I liked the heroine. She had performed the tiny role she'd had with a very nice poise. She was part of the story. Not an appendage like the usual female leads. Now, I come to the best bit...My hero! He was awesome. That man can emote with his eyes. If I hadnt been such a die hard fan of Shahrukh, I would have given my eternal fan dom to him. Unfortunately, I am taken. Sigh. But his, is definitely the best role. He carries the movie in his strong shoulders. (No. I am NOT drooling)

Manoj Bajpai's character deserves a mention. Infact, in the initial stages of the movie I thought it was a remake of Shawshank Redemption. I was praying it shouldnt be the case as, that is one epic that nobody can recreate. Thankfully, it wasnt. I liked Manoj Bajpai's character in a movie after Zubeidaa ( I wonder how many people have even watched this movie. It is my all time favorite. :D ) He puts up a good show as a fellow prisoner. The relationship that exists between him and the hero is shown without too much of a drama. It is quite convincing to watch it blossom and take firm root. The message that the human spirit need not be tamed no matter what the hardship is beautifully portrayed. I liked the movie!

P.S. I am trying to perfect the art of recounting a story line without revealing the plot. Until I succeed in the same, this blog would have such movie reviews. :D If you want to know the ending, please feel free to mail me, i shall send the updated post I have in the mail. :)

A board game called life

I have recently become extremely addicted to board games. I have been begging, threatening and challenging people to come and play with me. It is quite interesting to wait and watch the progress of a game. Not to mention, time consuming and entertaining.

A friend of mine remarked today that there is nothing too interesting about a game of dice. I, beg to differ. An enlightened soul told me last saturday, "the game life is over.. but real life is about to begin" . But then, isnt life like a board game? I wanted to have a philosophical conversation with him. He, by now used to the tone i adopt for a sermon, escaped from me and started talking to someone else. :)

Coming back to the topic of board games and life, in both you never know what is going to come up next. One moment you think you are on a path which is definitely going to yield rich rewards and the next moment, by some funny twist of fate, you are nowhere near where you wanted to be. One moment you pay a huge fine (lets call an emotional outburst a fine.. i like this example) and the next, you hit jackpot! What you think is going to yield wonderful results does nothing more than get you into trouble and make huge losses (well, loss of a relationship for example?) and what you think is not too lucrative but still do as you have no other option, turns out to be the best thing possible. Life, as i said is extremely funny

And, more unpredictable than a board game. I sometimes wish, I can dissociate myself from the incidents around me and observe like I had nothing to lose. However, as angelic as I may seem, I am after all human and I find the exercise extremely impossible. I only start defending myself. :) But I have realized one thing. It is you that rolls the dice and there is a distinct probability associated for every possible outcome. Maybe, the slight tilt of your hand caused a different number to come up. So, accept life with open arms.. embrace it and be happy. Remember it is all the result of something you did. Accept yourself for who you are. I am trying to. :D

Post dedicated to all poor souls who played board games with me and to those that dint but still did. (I mean, as life is like a board game, anyone i have met in my life, who has done something even if they are unaware of it to change my life. Oh, btw, i think i wont know most of the population in the latter category.) :D

The pit

It is darkness and gloom that envelop
hugging me from all sides in a deathly embrace
I squirm trying to move away
but i feel the hold tighten taking
my life giving breath away
I sink into the bottomless pit

I stop struggling letting my fate have its way
I close my eyes losing myself in the existing moments
as i prepare myself for eternal slumber

I relive all the glorious days
when life was simple and wonderful
I smile at my heart wrenching issues
I fondly embrace the child I was
I happily remember those that made me
The loving hands that held mine
through thick and thin
The faces - some persistent, some temporary
pass me by.
I greet them all with a gay heart
Lived I have my life to the fullest
Glad i am now to meet my maker
Few unfulfilled dreams remain
But their time hadnt come
The time to wait,
I have no longer..
A little regret i store away in the corner of my heart
and lose myself to the memories

I feel the bright rays of the morning sun on my face
Greeting me cheerfully, welcoming the optimist
I open my eyes and see the beauty in me
I forget the gloom..
It becomes the dark cloud
Blown away by the wind of joy
I don the cloak of optimism
and face the world
With a smile..

For know i do now that life
is much more than a few setbacks.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

The leap

I am supposed to be working hard on my presentation and questionnaire now.
But the eternal shirker in me is refusing to concentrate. I am still licking my lips after the awesome dinner in this place called Saffron. I stumbled upon it by accident. Not too great an ambience. But the food was cheap and good. I really liked the Rajma there. I just hope I dont fall asleep.

Read The Leap by Jonathan Stroud. The title of the book was what attracted me in the first place. I did not regret the choice I made two weeks ago in Blossoms. It was such a different experience. Surreal infact. I am still haunted by the vivid images the writer thrust into my head. His descriptions are so detailed that it is difficult to get out of them even after finishing an Agatha Christie and a William.

I dont know how many people would like the book. But i just loved it. The concept was brilliant. It details the thought process of a young girl who witnesses her friend's death and refuses to accept it. As far as she is concerned, he is in another land and it is her duty to get him back to earth as only she knows he is stuck there. It is very touching and very well written.

Now, I am poised to leap in life. I wonder if I have the determination and the patience to make sure I land in the right spot at the right time. My instinct says I would. So i wait. Patiently. For the right time.

Blank Pages

Yesterday, I was watching Princess Diaries for sometime. It happens to be a favorite movie of my sister when she was a kid. Sometimes i wish life was as simple as a chick flick. I love watching such movies for the mere reason that it is uncomplicated. I dont have to worry about living with people who have various shades of grey or trying to survive without losing my individuality and my self respect in a few instances (though minor) that threaten the same. I wish i can happily say, " Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the realization that something is more important than fear." Just say it and not worry about living it which is an entirely different issue altogether.
My diary pages are blank. That is because, i have this tendency to spout venom when i am angry and do not write in my diary if i am not happy when i come home. The number and frequency of blank pages has increased over a period of time. Now, not one day goes by when i am not angry. I am trying to look at the brighter side of life. But somehow, continuously falling sick only makes me more irritable. I don't need enemies. I am my own best enemy. At least in a chick flick, you have some completely dark character, the heroine very bravely spreads ice cream on and humiliates. I don't know who is that in my life. :D
I dont even know if i am the heroine here. I just wish life was as simple and decisions so easy as wanting to rule a country. I am game for that. Somebody make me a princess. But dont ask me to exist as a normal young adult. Sometimes, It is such a pain.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Light

She sinks to the bottom
foot firmly planted on ground - rock solid
Too late, she looks up
to see the pit that has captured her for good.
Then she finds
the distant light
full of hope and promise
Words unsaid convey more
than all the words we have ever known

Awakened by the dream,

she moves forth
moving up against
the very gravity
that sucks her down

Moving towards
the light

New dreams she designs..
Crafting wonderful castles
reaching just near

only to be blinded...

Blind and stuck in a dark hole..
Blind and in light..
No difference does it make
Change, Dreams..
Do they really make a difference?

Bday wish

I am putting this up a little late. But as they say, better late than never. November 3rd is the bday of the biggest darling i know. She is in Chennai right now miles away from where i stay. However, whenever i talk on the phone, no matter how many months later, the distance ceases to exist. I love you Jinny. Miss you a lot baby. Happy birthday. Hope you are where you want to be same time next year. A post dedicated to 1st block and the roads of Pilani we haunted in our cycles...

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Not just another saturday.

Mom is here for the weekend and today was a lot of fun. Though i knew there was an amoeba in leela palace, the frightening and expensive exterior had always prevented the sensible girl in me from stepping into it. Thanks to a friend, i got to know that the rates were quite nominal and today, there i was, bowling, playing pool, foosball etc. It was really fun. More so, because the place was nearly empty and we got to spend time without being too conscious about our lack of knowledge of the games. :D (Else, for the time we took to play pool, the next team would have come and kicked us out. ) I think this was one of mom's trips that was really different from the usual ones. A stroll in the Leela gardens, left me spell bound. It was so luxurious.

The whole place smelt of money and i really wondered why there are so many who die of hunger in India while there are people who are ready to spend 6000 on a silly top and nearly half a lakh on a stupid saree. ( I accidentally went into a shop in UB City when I'd gone to Rajdhani for lunch. All my guilt at buying a new top vanished the moment i saw the price labels on the clothes there. The yearly expenditure for clothing my entire family would not even come up to the cost of a single Saree there.) Isnt clothing supposed to be a basic and not something that is more expensive than your kidney in black market?

I dont know.. I dint think too long either.. I happily rushed to Amoeba and then headed home to play monopoly. Saturday night show in forum, for even the stupidest movie was sold out! So, I had to satisfy myself with just the savings i achieved by not being tempted to buy tickets. Lack of temptation is afterall, a major reason for few people not being sinners. :)

October is done. 10 down 2 more to go and its 2010. Time seems to be flying. What have i been doing the last 2 odd decades of my life? I wonder. Atleast, the last 1.5 years. Sigh.

Bogged down

Dissatisfaction is like this deep bog that keeps sucking you down and mesmerizes you so much that you refuse to catch hold of any support to help you get out of it.
You just like the feeling of floating in a warm bathtub and forget it is not doing you any good.
You look at the world and wail about its faults without realising your view is being obstructed by the steam coming out of the very place you are in.
You think you are struggling to free yourself, but it is just an another illusion that prevents you from seeing that you are just implanting yourself all the more into the soil.
You scream out aloud. Your mouth, is wide open and the voice is in your head and nowhere else for the mud that is going down your throat swallows the voice...

Nothing is ever going to get you out of it, unless, its of course, YOU
Wake UP! and catch hold of that stick that is so conveniently near you. Can you read the label in it? It says positive, assertive decisions. You will be fine if you have seen that.
Nowhere does it even mention agression or pessimism. :)

Friday, October 30, 2009

Invictus

A poem by William Ernest Henley. Thank you Sagnik for sending it to me. Loved it.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

From the peak

He was standing right at the peak. From his position he could see everything he had ever wanted to. There were bigger peaks available, but his limited imagination had never fathomed even attempts to conquer the same.Today, he had what he had wanted. But then, was it really the case? Could one quantify what he wants correctly every time? What if it is something else you want but aren't even aware of its existence and so you choose the next best option you can imagine? Are you then really defining what you want properly? He wondered aloud. He had always classified people who asked questions as those who had nothing to do. Now, his definition varied a little. They had nothing better to do. He was the interrogator now. Interrogating an unresponsive universe. Rather, interrogating someone whose responses were not in the same simple language as his. They were in a different tongue and he could not understand it. Maybe, he was just a big idiot who misunderstood silence to be a tongue he could not hear and understand. Maybe, he was the one that was illuminated and the rest of the world lacked the insight to understand his musings. After all, it required immense courage to be different. Courage to tolerate being laughed at. Courage to rise up every time no matter how deep the fall. Courage to be real..

He accepted he lacked the courage. He accepted he did not have it in him to stand out. He had recognized that long back and tried to become one of the many. Possessing a little intelligence, he had however climbed farther than the masses though. That, was the only difference. To everyone, he was just another person. Everyday, he tried to conquer the demons within him. He tried to shoo them away and tell them he couldn't do what they expected of him. He couldn't be real all the time. He failed himself every time he could not meet his exceedingly high expectations on just this front.

Now, he was at the tip. Right where he had wanted to be. He waited for it. The surge of joy that poets so beautifully described one experienced on achieving his aims. It did not come. He felt something else. The surge of adrenaline at the sight of another peak. He knew he could not rest until he had conquered the same. He knew, it would take him a longer time. He tried to pause and ponder. With difficulty, he channeled his thoughts into the depths of his mind. He traveled way back in time. Looked at the child who had set out one fine day to conquer the peak he had always seen and marveled from a distance. Contrary to the usual stories, his path had not been all that difficult. It was a well worn path. Time consuming, with a lot of little lessons on the way, but still, it was very simple compared to the toil millions had to endure to fail.He had always been happy.Surprisingly, it was staying at the peak that had been more difficult than the climb to it. He wavered each time a strong wind blew his way. He had to endure the bright and incessant scrutiny of the sun. The storm clouds that loomed so close did nothing to comfort him. He had endured all this while and today, he wondered if it was worth it. That there was another peak he had to conquer. He looked down. Just one wrong step and there, eternity greeted him with her arms wide open. He could lose himself in the endless pit and forget about his existence as a human being. As a believer of rebirth, he knew he would be born again. But then, was it worth it all? He did not think so.

The distant peak greeted him. "Sometime soon" he promised himself and dug his foot deeper into the soil to brave the next gust that was coming his way