Saturday, February 28, 2009

The black widow

Inspired by this.

There she crawls from her abode-

unconcerned about the debris
that lies all around
Unconcerned about that
that was left behind
Mere carcass
of a not so distant past.

They see the carcass
They see her frenzy
"Murdress" - They taunt
Cowards too scared
to come anywhere near
Afraid that they
might be the next
Afraid to question
Or,do they just
not care?
She thought not
Hiding her scars
She moved forth

Her destination marked out
Her path mapped
Her desire - alive
A desire to reach out
to that, that is hers
to that, that fear
did not harbour
to that, that life
had kept aside
all for her sake

There she goes
my black widow
leaving behind
the Mud-Dauber wasp
in her silky net
Tired but not defeated
Towards her next destination

A nice forward i got.


It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the
greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is
that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute,
you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay
where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in
their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"

Sunday, February 22, 2009

30 things to do by the time i am 30

I came up with a very rough list. I would spend some more days editing it and hopefully cross it all off by when i am 30.
  1. Go trekking
  2. Go to Paris/Switzerland
  3. Learn to drive a car and get one
  4. Collect all of Agatha Christie's books (except passenger to frankfurt)
  5. Start a lending library(can also be read as own a huge library with all sorts of books i have read)
  6. Become a better writer and write my first book
  7. Meet SRK (I do like him a lot)
  8. Help an NGO that works with children
  9. Have a plan in place for starting an orphanage (atleast the place, admin details. Funds would follow)
  10. Go bunjee jumping
  11. Play paint ball (things like these i should push myself do go do in bangalore)
  12. Get a nice laptop
  13. Buy a nice puppy and take good care of it
  14. Go to Ahobilam
  15. Be really fit (This one is for my mother. She reads my blog nowadays)
  16. Try all vegetarian restaurants in bangalore (and still be fit. Mom, you knew it was coming)
  17. Taste food from all countries ( I know i still love only thayir sadam with avakkai but still nothing wrong in tasting stuff)
  18. Improve my knowledge about world affairs (Like who is the president of US. :D)
  19. Go to rishikesh and play in the snow (build a snow man if possible in the peaks near rishikesh)
  20. Go river rafting (in the same place mentioned above) with mom,sis and dad
  21. Learn to cook chinese ( I am assuming my knowledge of south indian cooking is good enough to feed people)
  22. Learn French and German fluently (I can read them now with a dictionary's help thanks to Pearlin ma'am and Ms.Srijata Dey and to Balli who dragged me to the latter's class)
  23. Fly an aircraft
  24. Get married (It has to happen sometime)
  25. Learn to play the guitar and play stairway to heaven flawlessly
  26. Improve my singing (Can also be read as learn Carnatic music seriously)
  27. Run a marathon
  28. Learn Salsa (A 2 day workshop in BITS did not teach me too much)
  29. Learn Swimming
  30. Gondola ride ( :) )
P.S. Thanks to Varun and Mohit for correcting the rishikesh point. :)

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Passenger to Frankfurt

A spy novel by Agatha Christie. Or should i say pages and pages of words put together by the queen of crime? (I dont want to use the word crap here) I cant beleive that the same person who wrote "AND THEN THERE WERE NONE" and "LORD EDGWARE DIES" wrote this book. This was the last spy novel Christie wrote. Man, Am I glad about that! (I feel slightly guilty about saying this about my idol but then i have to accept the truth)I never thought i could dislike a Christie. I love reading her books and i also cherish my childhood dream of buying all her books and making it a part of my private library by the time i am 30. Only after buying this book did i realise that the collection would be one book less. I have no intention of keeping this book in my handpicked selection of fiction.

There are not going to be a lot of spoilers. I couldnt read more than half the book.
The story starts with Sir Stafford Nye coming back from Malaya. A mysterious woman asks him to lend her his passport so that she can safely go to london. She convinces him that with a hair cut and his coat put on top of her clothes, she can pass for him.Our gallant gentleman, who thirsts for adventure, agrees to be drugged and have his passport stolen.(Maybe he thought he could earn extra points with the female. Did i mention he is a bachelor? ) Once he returns to london , he gets to know that he assisted a very smart and valuable spy and thanks to his gesture, she is still alive. He finds his passport returned in a very unique way(You can read the book. This was the point i started losing interest in it.) and is anxious to get to know the person whose life he saved. (Shall i make this melodramatic and say he longs for a glimpse of the lady??) He goes to meet her in a bridge and then in an opera. A few moments with her. Nothing more. (I think Christie tried to build a nail biting suspense here. A very miserable attempt!) How can i forget to mention his enlightening(read as nonsensical) conversations with his Aunt matilda(who like all aunts assume her nephew is in love?) which happens when he goes to her place? I reread the whole conversation twice but wasnt able to make any sense out of it. It was only because of my loyalty to Christie that I continued reading and finished the next two chapters where he (finally) meets the mysterious Mary Ann, who poses as a Countess and hijacks him after the party to a spacious mansion. I threw away the book at this point regretting the instant i saw it in blossoms. Sigh... 130 pages and this is all that happened. (read as nothing)

Why did Agatha Christie have to write this book?! I read the Big Four by her. It wasnt great but atleast it was tolerable. She had imitated the Sherlock Holmes style in that book. As AJ says,she should have stuck to mysteries and not attempted spy novels. It is hard to digest when a chidhood idol dishes out crap that the adult you cannot take. I am so angry with her.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The flight

She sits dreaming
about the world outside
She looks around her cage
accepting her reality
accepting her dreams
will always be dreams
accepting being a loser
An eternally caged bird

Her clipped wings
Her huge iron cage
they never will
let her live
No colors anywhere
A bleak dreary existence
Hate it she does
with all her heart

Stronger wings she prays for
Weaker locks she longs for
Sitting and staring
into nothingness
another life wasted away

She sees him fly
around the room
moving towards an exit
Why were her wings so weak?
He offers no solace
No trace of pity
No gesture of help
Tears of pearls
easily flow down
With a mocking laugh
he flies away

She lifts her wings
Strong and supple
They became long back
Notice never she did
lost in self pity
She looks at the cage
her eyes uncharacteristically
Very clear
The broken lock
greets her sight

Spreading her wings,
she soars forth
leaving behind
Wasted tears
An almost wasted existence
If only she hadnt cried
so hard
If only she had tried

The sky beckons
she flies away
with an unforgettable lesson
safe in her heart

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A whole new world

This story was inspired by this. I love the song..

He had come to see her. Finally. After a long time spent waiting and hoping. How many days had she dreamt of this? Longed for this very moment. Her prince in shining armour had finally come to take her away.. Away from everything. She opened the doors of her room. She was all clad in a traditional saree. The jewels she wore made her feel like a princess.She was going to be his queen. She looked at him expectantly. Everything about him was perfect..

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

She looked around at the ugly house she lived in. Taking care of her step brothers and sisters. Her school books lay ignored in a corner. She never could study..Too much of work at home with an eternally pregnant or sick step mother. "Akka akka, he came in a big car!" Radha was squealing. "Will you ask him to take us also out on rides? Please please.." She rushed to the little window in the hut to look out. There it stood. A big ambassdor. She felt very special. He had come to see her in a car! She could imagine going around the village in the car..

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

"They say he has a very big house in the city.He is going to take you to mumbai in a plane.You are very lucky." Her step mother was telling her. She had seen an india map in her school once.She could see tamil nadu. But not her village. Now she was going to leave the very state!She had heard so much about Mumbai. She wanted to go see all cinema stars. She wanted to see a lot of places she had never seen.Ajanta and Ellora is near Mumbai. She remembered her geography teacher telling her. 'I would be his wife. He would love me a lot and take me everywhere. Maybe, i can take radha on a car ride once.' She pinched herself. She wasnt dreaming. He was there. So was his car. The priest was calling out to her. He tied the sacred thread..

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

She left her village that very day. For the first time in her life, she travelled in an ac car. Leaving behind the place she had called home for the last 15 years. " We are going to chennai and then to mumbai. Have you been in a plane before?" He asked her with an affectionate smile. She couldnt bring herself to reply. A coy smile greeted him. The airport was huge. For someone who had been only to the village bus stand, the airport was like a place from another planet. She looked out from the window when the flight took off. She felt slightly nauseous

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you

The plane was so big. The airhostess was pretty and nice. She was filled with pride and love when she thought that he had married her, a village bumpkin though there were women like this around him! She felt like she was on top of the world. From her pedestal high up in the sky,the chennai beach looked smaller than her village river. All those big buildings were reduced to little dots.She was the queen of the world. The little clouds wafted past. Her chariot glided through the sky.She enjoyed the flight. She enjoyed his silent company.

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

They landed in the new city. A new language. She could not understand what people around her were talking about. She moved in closer to him. Trying to not wander from his shadow. This place was magnificent! There was a cute english baby waving at her. She walked forward keeping her eyes on the kid. She had never seen someone so fair so close! The foreigner said a namaste and she was delighted. Her village seemed too far away. This was another planet. A planet where she will be queen.

A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far

He took her to his apartment.The door was opened by a maid with a little kid in her hip. She reminded herself to tell him not to employ servants. She could manage the house. "Appa!" The child hugged him in joy. She stood staring at the reunion. Another child came forward to hug him. They did not give her a second glance. "I wanted to tell them earlier. But they insisted on my getting married." No apology. She stood at the doorway. Another place where she was unwanted. Another place where she had to take care of children a few years younger to her. 'Can i go to their school?' She wanted to ask him, the tears wiping out all her make up.His silence was the only answer she got...

I can't go back to where I used to be
A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
Every moment red-letter

P.S Thanks to Hari for his post.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

A perfect picture

A poem dedicated to a few special friends. Bangalore or pilani, the roads are long and lovely. :D

A perfect picture
in black and white
I see us walk
down a road-long and lovely
Did the trees whisper
words of joy?
Did the song birds sigh?
For no song new and nice
could that joy express
Flowers they did
shower down too
Bowing down i feel
to a wonder so real

We continue to walk
creating squabbles new
just enjoying the pleasure
of a company so true
A perfect picture
in black and white
Awakening memories wonderful

Sometimes i wish
time I can freeze
Sometimes I wish
Moments I can revisit
to savour and relive
all over again

Life has thrown forth
chances new
Thanks to you,
I seize them too
For know I do
me you'll catch
when I fall

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentines day~!

Today i guess is a special day for some.. Just another day for a few more and fora minority, a day that just shouldnt be celebrated as we are aping the western culture and letting our wonderful heritage go down the drain. I have always thought that Valentines day is a very nice oppurtunity to say the unsaid. You dont need a special day for it, i agree. But having a special day facilitates stuff. :D Anyways, Happy Valentines day to all of you. I want to end this very small post with lyrics from a favorite song of mine.

Nenjukkul peidhidum maa mazhai
Neerukul moozhgidum thaamarai
Sattendru maarudhu vaanilai
Penne un mel pizhai

Nillamal veesidum peralai
Nenjukkul neenthidum tharagai
Pon vannam soodiya kaarigai
Penne nee kaanchanai

Oh shaanti shaanti oh shaanti
Yen uyirai uyirai neeyenthi
Yen sendrai sendrai yennai thaandi
Ini neethan yenthan andhathi

Nenjukkul peidhidum maa mazhai
Neerukul moozhgidum thaamarai
Sattendru maarudhu vaanilai
Penne un mel pizhai

Charanam 1

Yedho ondru ennai eerka
Mookin nuni marmam serka
Kalla-thanam yedhum illa
Punnagaiyo boganvilla

Nee nindra idam endral Vilai yeri pogadho
Nee sellum vazhi ellam panikatti aahadho
Yennodu vaa veedu varaikkum
Yen veetai paar yennai pidikkum

Ival yaaro yaaro theriyadhey
Ival pinnal nenje pogadhey
Idhu poyyo meyyo theriyadhey
Ival pinnal nenje pogadhey

Nenjukkul peidhidum maa mazhai
Neerukul moozhgidum thaamarai
Sattendru maarudhu vaanilai
Penne un mel pizhai.. oh.o.

Nillamal veesidum peralai
Nenjukkul neenthidum tharagai
Pon vannam soodiya kaarigai
Penne nee kaanchanai

Charanam 2

Thookangalai thooki sendrai
Yekkangalai thoovi sendrai
Unnai thaandi pogum podhu
Veesum kaatrin veechu veru

Nil endru nee sonnal en kaalam nagaradhey
Nee soodum poovellam oru podhum udhiradhey
Kadhal enai ketka villa
Ketkathadhu kadhal illa

Yen jeevan jeevan neethaney
Yena thondrum neram idhuthane
Nee illai illai yendrale
Yen nenjam nenjam thaangadhey

female harmony:
Nenjukkul peidhidum maa mazhai
Neerukul moozhgidum thaamarai
Sattendru maarudhu vaanilai
Penne un mel pizhai.. oh.o.

female & male harmony:
Nillamal veesidum peralai
Nenjukkul neenthidum tharagai
Pon vannam soodiya kaarigai
Penne nee kaanchanai

m: Oh shaanti shaanti oh shaanti
Yen uyirai uyirai neeyenthi
Yen sendrai sendrai yennai thaandi
Ini neethan yenthan andhathi

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Yesterday, i was attending a workshop. There was this activity to insist on careful listening. A person from the group was given a sheet of paper and asked to describe to the rest as to what he saw in it. None of us were supposed to ask him any questions. He would elaborate and we were supposed to draw. After some 5 minutes, he was asked to come and inspect our drawings. They were so different! We had all heard the same thing from the same person. But interpreted it in our own way. A beautiful exercise that reminded me of how perceptions differ.
We are all in the same world. We see the same things around. See the same people, hear the same things they say. But the way we perceive it.. Oh! It is so different. I always assumed people saw me as i how i saw myself.(Ok, i am discounting the baby elephant dialogues here) But then, as i grew up, i realized perceptions differ. Any time i try to tackle a new situation based on learnings from the past, i am not always successful. Thanks to these differing perceptions. I just wish we can brainwash everybody so that we all perceive the same things and not just see them. But then again i guess that would make our existence really mundane and very boring. Isnt variety the spice of life? But then, it would help prevent so much of conflict if people are all the same. Sigh.. Somethings have no right answers.

It happened to me


Today, i met with an accident. Well, that sounds like a typical begining of you know those life-changing-incident-happened-to-me posts. Here i am sitting all alone in this huge auto.. (I am setting the scene for a drama. Effect of Magda from Crooked house i guess) and i have successfully covered 3kms in 30 mins.(Bangalore for all its traffic is a nice time-pass city). The auto wala takes a new short cut i have never been in before. (Or should i say i havent been in often? My cab driver, in his very gallant way has shown me around 101 routes to get from my place to the office) It is this small by lane and guess what? Around 25 bikes and 26 cars thought of it too! (I like my birthdate a lot!) There we are minor dots in this big universe, (Someone asked me to look at the big picture. I said we'd all be mere dots. Of course some would be really pretty ones. :D )each minding our own business when this wonderful lorry chap ( I forgot the show stopper didn't I!) decides to practice reversing his vehicle just before a speed breaker. Crash! He hit the auto i was travelling in. Glass pieces flew in all directions and there was a resounding wail! (No, it dint happen that way. The glass just broke and the pieces crumbled. It looked like the ripples that form on water when you play with a straw) The whole street did stop to see what happened.

The lorry guy was sure it was not his fault. Hadnt he been told time and again Practice makes a man perfect? What was his fault except practising?! He refused to part with money to fix the glass.He told the auto chap to pay for emotional damage as he was scarred for life now and couldnt ever practice without the wail in his head. How was he to buy more lorries? (Remember the suryavamsam style when a driver becomes a multi millionaire?) "Madam knows. Ask her. It was your fault. Give me 1000rs or fix the glass" I hear a voice moan..(Or did he scream? I did not know. I was listening to creed) Who is this madam? I look around only to realise, that his highness was referring to me. Sigh.. when did i start looking like a madam! Only yesterday i was delighted when my dad's friends mistook me for the younger sister. Fate is then really cruel. Younger sister to madam in 24hrs!

I just nod my head (I pray he thinks it is to the music.) I dont want to be involved in this! But then, i had read something somewhere about standing up for the oppressed. SO i just stand up and shut up. I hear a lot of voices (Mostly children who were playing in a ditch nearby) and then this guy asks me,"It would take some more time. Where are you going? I will drop you." Oh wait, was he asking the auto chap?!No, he was looking at me then! Did i look so helpless? (And I thought i never would fit a helpless female role. Maybe i ought to reconsider that and let my eyes fill up with tears in crowded places.That way i can avoid huge queues. There is no dearth of gallant guys in bang.Gallant uncles rather)I politely refuse the offer. The autowala keeps wailing about his wife and children. ( Poor wife. The sad female characters always tug my heart strings)

Then this fat chap enters the scene. I am sure he must be the owner. (Havent we all seen fat owners! I watch a lottt of tamil movies) He and the auto wala haggle for 15 mins. I listen to stairway to heaven and simultaneously try to follow their chatter in kannada and tamil. The rate keeps falling and finally they decide to give him 600rs. I get to hear a "We did it only because we did not want a lady waiting in the middle of the road" and this fat UGLY UNCLE directs a grin in my direction. I get into the auto and an apologising auto wala drops me off at my destination.( All the while moaning how unfair life is)

Well, i am supposed to learn lessons from everything in life. SO here goes my lessons for the day

1) I am alive and kicking. So i am actually really lucky
2) All fat people are not nice
3) Even old ugly men think they are gallant gentlemen
4) Someone in the world calls me a lady :D (Directed at S. You said nobody would call me one)
5) Short cuts are not always short.

Sunday, February 08, 2009


I just love this pic. Place:Bannerghatta National Park

Things that irritate me

Ok.. For people who claim i should have written about things that dont irritate me, (i refer esp to 522 and 588) I decided to write about things that irritate me as i was doubtful if i can even come up with 10. :D
1) People who bite more than they can chew: Personally, i have no problem with them, till they decide to come and tell me about it! I mean, what can i do for their decisions?! Isnt life all about managing stuff? On the other hand, i also feel sorry for them as they are struggling and try to help them out. (My mistake)
2) Folded pages in books:I get really irritated when someone doesnt handle a book properly. It gets on my nerves. If its my book.... I dont want to elaborate what i want to do.
3)Dirty/mishandled clothes:I cant stand it. Clothes are like children(much better.. they dont yell)You have to take good care of them
4) Fake people: I cant tolerate fake people.I avoid them and makesure they dont get anywhere near me
5) Insufficient attention: you can interpret it any way you want!

Sigh i couldnt come up with more than 5! I was planning to make it 10!

Saturday, February 07, 2009


I see a lot of people celebrating birthdays for their blog. I thought ill celebrate my 200th post. :) I dedicate this post to a few special people:
  • My mom for teaching me the alphabets.. (Ok ok and also for telling me that i should continue writing no matter how crappy my posts are)
  • My dad for being patient and getting me braodband ( i blog when he has lessons to prepare. :D)
  • My sis for letting me use the computer ( Hema you are a darling sometimes)
  • Jd for reading a few and inspiring a few (Basically for lending his laptop in psenti sem whenever i wanted to blog)
  • Hari for being patient over poetry (I know you did try to read it) and for inspiring my first short story
  • Sree for helping me out when i dint have any ideas
  • Data for her regular comments (even if it was only i was here)
  • Preethi for not hitting me whenever i showed her some of my wisecracks
  • Manju, Suvadip,Amit and Varun for reading my recent posts as soon as they were written and giving me immediate feedback(we are productive in office you know.Suvadip, I am trying to forget the pregnant woman comment)
  • Hema Hariharan for taking time off her BUSY schedule and reading whatever i write (I need audience!)
  • Also to Archana, Rama and Aish who grace my blog with their presence sometimes and telling me what i do right.. ( I wish we were back in pilani whenever i write so that i can barge into rooms immediately)
  • And to Sowmya Mami who encourages me to write....
  • And to that special person who secretly inspires most of my posts(dont ask me who it is. i dont know.)
  • And to Subbu and Vivek for their smart comments.
  • And to all my readers.. THANKS A LOT!

Jaadu Hai Nasha Hai

Jaadu Hai Nasha Hai Madhoshiyan Hai
Tujhko Bhulake Aab Jaao Kahan
Jaadu Hai Nasha Hai Madhoshiyan Hai
Tujhko Bhulake Aab Jaao Kahan
Dekhti Hai Jis Tarah Se Teri Nazrein Mujhe
Main Khud Ko Chupaao Kahan
Jaadu Hai Nasha Hai Madhoshiyan Hai
Tujhko Bhulake Aab Jaao Kahan
Dekhti Hai Jis Tarah Se Teri Nazrein Mujhe
Main Khud Ko Chupaao Kahan
Jaadu Hai Nasha Hai Madhoshiyan Hai
Tujhko Bhulake Aab Jaao Kahan

Yeh Pal Hai Apna To Is Pal Ko Jee Le
Shwalo Ki Tarha Zarah Chal Ke Jee Le
Pal Jhapakte Kho Na Jana
Chuke Karlo Yakin Na Jane Yeh Pal Paaye Kahan
Jaadu Hai Nasha Hai Madhoshiyan Hai
Tujhko Bhulake Aab Jaao Kahan

Baahon Mein Teri Yun Kho Gaye Hai
Armaan Dabe Se Jagne Lage Hai
Jo Mile Ho Aaj Hum Ko Door Jana Nahin
Mitado Saari Yeh Duriyan
Jaadu Hai Nasha Hai Madhoshiyan Hai
Tujhko Bhulake Aab Jaao Kahan
Dekhti Hai Jis Tarah Se Teri Nazrein Mujhe
Main Khud Ko Chupaao Kahan

Friday, February 06, 2009

There are sometimes in life when you predict a few things but are not at all happy when what you predict happens to pass. It just kills your faith in human beings. Wait.. Aint i contradicting myself now?! I did predict it! Its like when you take a picture using the old fashioned camera (the one with film roll and all. I love my digicam :) ) and when you develop, it doesnt come out well. So thats life sometimes. Try to remember the scene. Else forget it. Not worth the trouble. Get a digicam. Many more scenes in life await you. As i mentioned already, i love my digicam.

5 lessons SAS taught me

You find parallels to life in such unlikely places. But then, they arent all that unlikely when you get to think about it. Isnt everything related to life in some way or the other? I work with this software called SAS (Statistical Analysis Software). No this is not a post about the pros and cons of SAS or about "10 tips for effective SAS programming". I am not that big a geek.(Should i add a yet somewhere? Na.. i wont become one anytime too soon.) This post is about 5 lessons SAS taught me in the 8 months i have been working with it.

1) Put a full stop before it is too late: In Sas, whenever there are errors, the program abends. I guess it might be the case with most softwares. But then, i dont know much about other ones used. (As i mentioned already, i aint a computer geek) You spend a lot of time running the code (and money too) and then realise its all cos a semi colon was missing somewhere. Just like how in life, i have spent a lot of time wondering why things went wrong and realising very late that i should have put a full stop to few things and let life take its course..

2) Know what you are dealing with:There is also this problem when you dont know how variables are defined. Some are numeric,some are character variables. Unless you are sure what each one is, there is no point in you writing a brilliant code. Doesnt this remind you of how in relationships we are not sure what type of personality we are dealing with and we assume things and go ahead only to realise later that we wasted wonderful time and energy on something that was wrong right from the start

3) Just waiting for a single output is not going to take you too far: Another thing that really bugged me is the amount of time i spend waiting for an output. I assume i cant go ahead without getting the output. Then one fine day i realised, i can go ahead with other things and finish them instead of letting frustration build waiting for something that will anyway happen in its own sweet time. Some of the questions i am searching for an answer in life.. I guess i can apply the same philosophy to them too.. :)

4)The simple solution is in most cases the most effective one:You neednt be a real whiz at programming to be an effective programmer. You got to know why you are doing what you are doing.Sometimes you create such complex stuff and later realise a simple test would have done as well. Believe me, it goes a long way in a life too.

5) You always get another chance: Some programs just go wrong. You cant do anything but to write another one and get ahead. No use debugging it when the basic logic was wrong. You can as well write another code. Isnt life all about letting go and moving forth?

And for those of you who want to hit me on the head for reminding you of life and SAS together, you know where to find me. :)

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Faded Albums

I was updating my profile today. The space where you fill the city stared at me. I wrote Madurai/Pilani/Bangalore without thinking. I claim i dont miss my college life. Those empty corridors in Meera Bhawan filled with noisy females on weekends... The night before comprees when all of us yapped with numal books wide open.. The beautiful roads leading to the insti.. The wild walk on rainy night from MB to Cnot.. The long cycle rides through the farms outside.. Daily visits to the saraswati temple in the hope of making a job.. Long walks all over the college with a special someone.. and of course the FOOD! A lot of such memories i revisit.. I feel like i am looking at an old album. I cant help but smile thinking about a few earnest promisesWhy dint we understand then that they never could be kept? Maybe time has made us wiser.

I find myself slowly losing touch with a few of my friends now. The same ones i would run to whenever there was a problem. They are slowly being replaced by the ones i meet now. No offence meant to anyone but i guess thats the rule of life where the old walks out and the new ones walk in. An important few find their way from the past into the present and hopefully into the future. I dont think i can ever remove the Pilani part. Its a part of me as much as Madurai is. As many characters i might have, (The rude chakravarthy and 522 claim i am more than one person)each one contains a bit of that tiny village in Rajasthan where i found out who i actually was. And every person who ever meant anything to me, is also safely catalogued and remembered more often than they think they are.

Pursuit of happiness

Your smile
A mere smile
Why does my heart burst
with so much joy?
This sudden show
of affectionate concern
All those moments
of unbearable gloom
oh how insignificant they become
The long wait
the many supressed dreams..

A smile
A mere smile
You my dear
Your memory
The centre
of my very own
wonderful universe

What i have
things i cant
i attempt to accept
your absence
Your presence...
unfamiliar and wonderful
Arent somethings meant to be?

I watch you
wishing with all my heart
that dreams do come true
look forward i always will
for that one day

Should anything else
ever matter?
The pursuit of a dream
My pursuit of happiness
something everlasting
Hope, maybe
is a good thing

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

There are a few days in life when everything sees to be going on really well. Then, something happens and you wish the day just would disappear from your memory. But, Elephants can remember and this memory is just what i wish i dont have.
Why doesnt life have a rewind button? I wish i can relive a day and not do what i did. Then again, did it all happen for some wierd reason i have no idea about now and for which i will be thankful some other day? I dont know again. I just know that i am not happy with myself at all!

Monday, February 02, 2009

A change

The gentle breeze blew
down the empty roads
beyond the thick forests
scared away from its haunt
by the advent of a storm
Created by the same
That which had the power
to destroy
what was left of its soul
if one it had
It blew seeking refuge

A refuge it knew existed somewhere
The suns scorching heat
harm it did not
for a greater fear prevaded.
A greater pain persisted..
A pain threatening
its existence
Mere it was..
but wonderful
an existence so full
of life

Numbed by the pain
it blew faster and faster
not realising
that now a storm it was
no longer a breeze
A storm blowing away anything
in its path
uncontrolled and lost
moving in search of a destination
definitely non existent
Running away
does it help ever?