Thursday, July 30, 2009

State of mind: Fill in the blanks

Being irritated seems to be the perpetual state of my mind these days. Well, now that the first line to begin a boring post is done, i can happily disagree. I am extremely happy with life and in this state of satisfaction, i wonder as to how human beings can be so irritatingly manipulative. Do they even have any idea as to what all they are missing out in life? Relationships can NEVER be built if people remain intent on manipulating the rest of the world. Sigh. In this joyous state, i look at fellow mortals and wish they can experience this exhilaration. I want to open a few eyes or atleast close mine. I feel like the man in the allegory of the cave.

Ill take a detour to the allegory. It is like this. Imagine this group of people sitting in a ditch with their hands tied and facing a wall. All they can see is the shadow of the objects in the land above them. Since their hands and legs are tied, they cant use the steps behind them which lead the way out of the well.The shadows they see on the wall is all that is real to them. (Dont ask me as to how they live die n all that. This is just philosophical meandering as usual. ) So they look at the images rather the shadows on the wall and assume it to be real. They discuss the shadows and build their lives around it. One fine day, a guy realises his hands are untied. He doesnt do anything about it at first. Then he finds out how to untie the knot in his leg. (Idle mind is definitely the devils workshop) He does what none before him in the ditch has done. He climbs out. He is stunned by the vision he sees. He thinks that he is dreaming. He goes into this state of denial where the comfort of his earlier shadow beckons him. Believing the images he sees now would mean that what he had believed to be real all his life was a mere illusion. He refuses to believe. But, he has lost his way and cannot go back. He spends his time looking around the city and slowly, enlightenment dawns.
He has two options in front of him now. He likes what he sees. He can stay in the new place that is real and recreate his life. Or, he can go back to his ditch and make the rest of his friends see the truth.
He realises that anybody with new ideas is either praised heavily or just crushed down. Is the joy he might see on his friends faces worth the risk of being crushed down and losing his new reality?

I am still thinking about it. Typical state of mind:Lost in thought is better than perennially irriated i guess.

P.S.I have modified the topic i loved in my introduction to philosophy course in BITS. :D
P.S.2. I have a problem with actions(the why) than the people(the who) :D :D

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Nenje Nenje

An awesome song, i really like the music and the lyrics. :)

Nenje nenje nerungividu

nijangalil kalanthu vidu
Nenje neje ninainthuvidu
Nigalnthathai maranthuvidu

Kangalai vitruthan oviyama
Venneeril meengal thungooma
kanneeril kaathal vaaluma

nenje nenje, nenje nenje

Penne penne un valaiyal ennaku oru vilangallavo
katrukku sirai ennavo
Thanmaanathil thalaiyai vitru
Kaathalil naan vaalevo
Kan moodi naan thoogavo

Unnai enni mul virithu padukavum pazhagi konden
En mel yaarum kal erinthaal sirikavum pazhagi konde

Sogaithai maraithen uyir vali poruthen
sugathai ethuvo suttathadi indre

Nenje nenje nerungividu
nijangalil kalanthu vidu
Nenje neje ninainthuvidu
Nigalnthathai maranthuvidu

Katti vaittha kaatre vanthu vidu
Kaigal rendai enthinen
Kaathal pitchai ketkiren

Anbe anbe nee pirinthaal kangalil malai varume
Katrainai kai vidume
Vithai alinthe sedi varume
sippigal udaintha pinne
muthukkal kai vaarume

Kaathal raaja ondril koduthaal innondril uyir varume
Unnai konjam vittu koduthaal kaathalil sugam varume

Astamanam ellam nirantharam alle
Merkil vithaithal kilakinil mulaikum

Monday, July 27, 2009

Random thoughts of a demented mind

Technology is supposed to make things easier for us, but sometimes it successfully does the opposite. In an attempt to make our lives simpler, we are actually complicating it. Why do we need 4 email ids, one cell phone, one land line, accounts in numerous networking sites, meeting people we dont even remember getting to know all in an attempt to stay connected? What is the whole point in this futile exercise of socializing when all you know about your neighbor is what you accidentally noted on his nameplate?What happened to good old face to face interactions and the know your neighbor concept?I am no exception to the masses. I hardly know the faces of the people who stay in the house right next to mine or in the top floor of the very same building i occupy.
In our search for success i feel that a lot of us have lost the human element that defined who we were. We give importance to ideas even if they dont confirm to our ideals. Ideal has become something non existent,a figment of an overactive imagination. "What do we get out of doing this?" seems to dictate life more than, "Lets do this because its the right thing to do." I am not saying that we should all become saffron clad saints or dhoti wearing mahatmas. I am just saddened by the extent to which we have become blind to anything except what we want. (Note, i dint say what we need) And yes, this is another meaningless meandering to vent out my irresponsible anger. I am much better off planning my menu for tomorrow than sitting and thinking about what to do with the world to make it a better place.I can use the eternal excuse and blame fate rather than think about doing anything constructive to change the fate. Its always eaesier to change ones face than to face the change. Though sensible people do know the latter is what is important. When did being sensible become my modus operandi though. :)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Lucky me!

Had an awesome weekend! I am so exhausted I think I am going to drop dead. A word of warning to all sensible people out there. You are going to be unlucky if you watch this movie called luck. Its a piece of art with such brilliant dialogues that you will cry laughing! But for the Shruti Haasan (YUCK) fans, the movie is worth a watch. She is scantily clad most of the time and occupies the screen with her pathetic (lack of) expressions. :D The awesome background music is seriously wasted on the movie. Imran is cute as usual but really irritating at times. (Yes, I adore him. But I am not BLIND to his faults.)
A post dedicated to coconut grove and yes to life and my dad for his surprise and interesting visit.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Farewell fare well

Am back from an awesome lunch at Little Italy after a farewell lunch to one of the nicest persons i have met in HSBC. Jyoti, I really will miss your bubbly nature and your constant jokes and your seriousness. I hope you shine and brighten the lives of people in HBS like you did in HSBC. I
wont bid farewell cos i know we will meet again. How soon, is the only question.

You have set me thinking about farewells. And made me write this long blog post. :)

I used to hate farewells as a kid, as i felt I was going to let go of things i might never get back. Some of the things I loved and lost, yes, i never did get back (like all the clothes my mom threw away) Some, came back in bigger and better packages. Some just left me for good that i did not even want anything to do with them.

After I left school, its been a series of farewells to me and especially in the last one year,the numbers just shot up.I am happy now. I feel like i am in heaven. This carefree bird just shuttling through the sky without any fear of hunters or bigger beasts. But, I haven't forgotten the ideas, people and the dreams i bid farewell to. They are still a part of me and always will be. For at the end of the day, when i sit back and relax, the memories keep playing in my mind like a faded black and white movie. I cherish them and i so adore them still. :)

I never thought I will fall so much in love with this city. I used to dislike bangalore when i initially came here. I was still in love with pilani, the place where i grew up to this confident young woman (I was a confident girl before that. LOL) Now every place in bangalore has given me such beautiful memories that i am so completely bowled over. Leela Palace, Koramangala, Outer Ring road, Bannerghatta road, Blossoms, Samarkhand, Jalsa, Forum (Mallik claims i am on commision from westside. :D) Garuda,Airport Road, CV Raman Nagar, Brigade Road, Church Street, Pizzas, McDonalds, Amoeba, everywhere i go, there are too many things i savor and remember. All the many wonderful people i ended up spending time with, only because i bid farewell to Pilani. Yes, you are still special to me. But there are other things in my life now.

I look forward to a better tomorrow
While savoring the beauty of today
With memories of a distant past
safely locked up in my heart
Life as they say, goes on

A post dedicated to life and everything about it.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Meaningful meanderings

How do you combat sleep, hunger n all? I have always wondered. I cant bear hunger. I cant bear to stay awake when i am sleepy. But yes, I have gone for 36 hours without sleep and 24 hours without food.The day it happened, i did not feel those cravings. Does it mean that people who control the emotion end up forgetting how it is in the first place? That is a very interesting thought. So if we sit and teach children to control greed, will the world be a better place to live in? Or will we be caught in this state of zero development as everybody would be extremely satisfied with what they have and not strive for something better? Is that state good - satisfied, but no improvement in anything about life.What is the need for this constant desire to improve? Isn't the world a really awesome place already? If all of us can be happy with what is ours, and sort of get used to the feeling that what we have is what is possibly the best for us wont it be the best that can happen? Why do we need to improve? Haven't we seen that with any improvement, there are numerous hazards we cant even begin to fathom? Of course we can always argue, it was people who wanted to improve that made medicines which prolong human life, air crafts which conquer distances in a jiffy etc etc.Then the question is, are we happier now than we were before all this was discovered? The sample size in both cases is definitely different (my generation and my granddads) and we cant come up with an analysis that is strong enough as it would definitely not hold good under strong significance testing as the major variables that made up the equation have changed. (Yes, I am an analyst now and I use big words like this when i get a chance. :D)

But I, I believe that more things change, the more they remain the same. If we can achieve a state of acceptance, a state where nothing can touch the inner core of your soul, then you have conquered death, life and everything that is there to be conquered. Romantic people i know, say that when you are in love, nothing else matters. Then, is love the state of gyan that all the yogi's aspired to achieve? Is love the solution to all the problems that haunt the society? If everyone where in love with someone and so completely wrapped up in them, would there not be the urge to be violent and destructive? Would we conquer the hatred that all of us carry in our hearts for everything that goes against our wishes? Will we at last be at peace?All of us in love with one another. This is the steady state the universe must achieve. Will it ever? Will we become completely evolved the instant it happens? Will the world as we know it disappear and a happier, better one come into place? Materialists I know say that money is the solution. But if everyone had money, then wont we reach a saturated state? Everyone has the money they want to buy what they want. What is the incentive to the seller? Will we go back to the barter system in such a case? Will we atleast then wake up to the realisation that a lot of things apart from money matter and make the world spin around? I wish i knew the answer to these questions. Answers I can confidently state without batting an eyelid.

I wish I do not harbour a lot of answerless questions within me. I am searching for the answers, that somehow dont seem to be keen on showing up. I am searching for the questions, to the answers i already have. I am waiting to place a full stop at a few places and a comma at many more. Life goes on..Yes. But for it to go on, a few things have to end. I know my thoughts seem completely unrelated to most. To me, somehow it does make sense. This unrelated flow that has so become me. Should I stand in your shoes, dear stranger and look at life? Will I be better off then? I wish i knew a lot of big words i could string together and throw forth,that would add elegance like a pearl necklace on a slender neck. I wish I could say beautiful things that would move you to tears that would cleanse our souls away. I wish I could come up with brilliant ideas that would transform deserts into fertile meadows. Then, this tiny part of me says that, to appreciate the meadows, we need the deserts, to appreciate the elegance we need something ugly.For it is only when you know how things can be without something that you can appreciate something better.It is only when you know how barren life is, that you can appreciate people who make it beautiful and give you memories that would pull you through tough times. Hope as they say is the best thing ever. :)

Finally

Flying again, without wings
Riding off in a chariot
Whisked away from reality
Frisked away from darkness
I am drowning
I am free
I am happy
I, am finally alive..
now and definitely forever

I am awake
Watching dreams come true
I am mesmerized
knowing its here to stay
Knowing this, was how
it was meant to be
This, was how,
It will be..
This was what I was waiting for
I am complete..
Finally, I am home
The place I always belonged

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

To be or not to be

To wake up and watch or not to watch?
To get up and run or not to run?
To watch numb3rs or to sleep?
To sit and dream or to give up and search?
To walk or to diet or do both?

These are the 5 qns thats ruling my mind right now.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Time

Time just flies when you are having fun..
Time just stops when you want it to
Time just lets go when it has to
Time just helps you fall more in love with life
Time just is there
to be the best friend you ever wanted

Time I wish I had
Time I'm glad I have
Time I'm looking forward to have
Time Time and Time.
Thats all that there is
to live to love to forgive and to grow
Time, my best friend.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Responsible Anger

Today evening, the hungry man (wink and giggles) told me that for a change, i was emotional for a reason. I am glad that there are people like him around. Responsible and sincere. I appreciate that.I was thinking after our conversation. For a really long time.
Are we sometimes so lost in getting quantifiable results that we forget that there are a lot of things that cannot be quantified but those that are important anyway?This irritates me all the time. It makes me lose the trust I have in human nature. The same nature that can get back to a life even after losing all it had. Build everything from the scratch. The same human nature that refuses to accept defeat and fight and move ahead is also the one that avoids responsibility and runs as it wants to have a good time. Being responsible is like a part of life. It is something i think everyone should be. Be responsible and committed when you should be and carefree and happy also. How can you be carefree when you have something to do? Something that needs your attention?
It is so easy to close your eyes to what is happening around you and claim you cannot do anything about it. It is so easy. But then, is it right? That's a completely different point all together. Just because somebody has not done something doesn't mean that they cannot do it. It just means that you would have to spend some effort teaching them to do it. Or maybe tell them, it has to be done. Why do we all love to complain so much? Is it because it tells us that everybody has flaws? Flaws you can live with and few you cannot and you complain about all of them anyway? I am now very angry with a few things i see in the world and all of us not being responsible about it. I try once in a while to make a difference. Then again, i sit and crib later about none doing it properly. Who am i to complain about complainers! Sigh.It is funny that the more things change, the more they remain the same.
I am angry with the fact that there are so few trees around. I am angry the fact that there are so many children going hungry when I, am always(most of the time at least) overfed. I am angry about the fact that though there are so many people who are literate, there are many more who arent and all the literate ones arent doing anything to eradicate illiteracy.I am angry when I see people who are not able to do their bit. I am angry with myself when I am always not able to do my bit. When i become too lazy to do it sometimes. I feel irresponsible and stupid. I am angry that children dont have good primary schools to go to. Children who would grow up needing reservation and not getting it. I am angry that I prefer a well paying job to sitting and teaching them though I can. I am angry that I am not a saint. But yes, I accept the fact and I try to do my bit. I am angry that we are so lost in our cocooons that chance conversations enlighten and kindle the flame in us that dies down the minute we have something else to do. Something as useless as watch an old serial. I am angry. For now. I know that. The fact does NOT console me.
But yes, I shall go watch numb3rs and wish David Krumholtz knocks my door someday. Starving kids and unhappy people can live their lives. I will just live with my responsible anger.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Stay with you

Awesome song. In love with it. :)

These streets
Turn me inside out
Everything shines
But leaves me empty still
And I'll, burn this lonely house down
If you run with me
If you run with me

I'll stay with you
The walls will fall before we do
Take my hand now
We'll run forever
I can feel the storm inside you
I'll stay with you

Fooled by my own desires
I twist my fate
Just to feel you
But you, turn me toward the light
And you're one with me
Will you run with me?

I'll stay with you
The walls will fall before we do
Take my hand now
We'll run forever
I can feel the storm inside you
I'll stay with you

Now come in from this storm
I taste you sweet and warm
Take what you need
Take what you need
From me

Wake up this world
Wake up tonight
And run with me
Run to me now

I'll stay with you
The walls will fall before we do
Take my hand now
We'll run forever
I can feel the storm inside you
I'll stay with you

Sometimes...

Sometimes you fly. Without wings, without destination. But so high that you cant come down even if you want to. So high that you just wont want to. The land after all is a mere speck in the distance. The land you were from but that you have left behind. Sometimes you feel alive. So alive that everything but you is just a haze. So alive that nothing exists except you and nothing matters for it is all too far away.
Sometimes you are just there. So caught in the moment that you are absolutely lost in it and you dont want it to pass. You feel timeless - as old as the mountains and as young and wise as the life giving trees. Every breath you take invigorates you and gives you a life you know is custom made just for you.Every word,spoken and unspoken weighs around in the air and the realization slowly sinks in.
This, was how it was meant to be. This is how it would always be and this is how while living you will glimpse heaven every passing moment. Moments that would make memorable hours, unforgettable days, wonderful weeks, mesmerising months and of course years that you and everyone would treasure and live for. That would set people aspiring. For it, was meant to be. It is life and it is beautiful. Made beautiful for you, by you and by him that rules them all. :)

P.S. A post dedicated to goo goo dolls, long roads, aala maram, rava idli and mindless music. I, while living have seen heaven and I while living have been reborn a thousand times over.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Dreams go on

Wide awake, I still dream
knowing fully well
a mere dream it is,
but praying all the same
for it to come true

Dreamers they say
made the world
dreamers who broke away
from rules-defined and structured

Dreamers they say
fail to live
Dreamers lost
searching,pining away
for non existent ideals
giving up what they have
hoping they'd get
what they dont
and what they'll never own

What category do I belong?
I wish I knew
While i stand and stare
at images created
just for me,
all by me.

Millions walk past
oblivious to the dreams
and so am I to theirs..

Insanity you call it
Immature insanity
But oh! What did
this clever sanity attain?
What did this world,
filled with practical people
succeed in living?

This thin boundary
between mindless surrender
of millions
and the crazy desires
ruling few
I tease
wondering when, if
and why Ill finally
cross over..

I just hope,
a lonely transition it is not.

I wrote this poem really long back. Since i am too lazy to think of anything right now, this should suffice.
P.S.
I would like to tell a concerned friend that I promise I will try my best to not cross over to v2 again.
:D

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Chase

In sudden bouts of insanity
lasting hours
I wonder
What is it that drives
you and me?
You the nameless stranger,
with a face indistinct
from the many I see
and me, the dreamer
whose face I, the icon
of self indulgence so adore..

A big hit it really is,
to the wonderful vanity
I always pamper
to accept common motivation..
to accept that,
basic desires-
yours and mine
are similar

A donkey chasing
a carrot hung
from a stick
is all I see
Chasing dreams that
never come true
till you give them up

Chasing dreams that
prevent you
from living life
the way you want
Chasing dreams
that remain just that
till you are disgusted,
dead or desire free..

In this sudden bout
of insanity
I so want to break free
But the carrot
me does inspire
and the greed
it does hold me
rule me

Monday, July 13, 2009

Means to some end

The end does it
justify ever the means?
Wish I can assert
this to be true..
I see the end
I visualize the glory
the joy,the peace
The numerous shortcuts
present themselves
each alluring,
each convincing
in its own way.

I pause to ponder..
to choose
the easiest,the shortest
Then it shows itself
my wonderful end
glittering and dazzling

The means seem insignificant
The toughest path
I easily choose
For such an end
a difficult means does deserve

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Stay Hungry Stay Foolish

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Parts I really liked from Steve Job's speech. I had read it before a few times and I always have thought I should put up bits that so relate to a lot of our lives. I finally had the patience to do that. Yes. Stay Hungry Stay Foolish.

If only

If only you knew who i was
If only you saw me for who i am
If only I was who you want
If only I am who i was
If only times were different
If only dreams were younger
If only it was yesterday
If only we hadn't met

If only I could live,
If only I couldn't
If only life went on..
If only new dreams began
If only it weren't about you
If only I could die
If only we could share
If only it could be



Watched a really romantic movie with a sad ending. Inspired!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Tomorrow

It was a long ride home. He was going through the main road. The same road where they had spent a lot of their time talking and walking. He had been too engrossed in her then to have noticed anything else. Or so he thought. It was only him now and every place he went to, he saw her image there. It did not matter who was with him. It did not matter where he was. Everywhere, Every place, it was only her. Him and her were all that was there. His friend, the only person who understood the extent to which he had been in love, told him he would be fine and that time would heal all his wounds.

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

He couldnt leave the place. His work was here, his family was nearby, all his friends were here. But he so badly wanted to. He felt if he left the place and went out, it would all be fine. He wouldnt have to wake up to see her face in the walls of his house. He wouldnt have to hear the waitress reciting the order in her voice. He wouldnt have to see her in the cab driver who drove the car.Dint the memories mean anything to her? Was it only to him that they had ever meant anything? He could not bear the thought. But the truth was right there staring at his face. Looking at him in the eye and telling him,"Yes, these are only your memories. Not what she had. To her, it was just another guy she spoke to." Every song reminded him of her. Hadnt they been playing in the background during their numerous talks? She had helped him out of one problem. Promising him that with time, it would all be fine.Yes, he was fine. It was not a problem to him anymore. But she, she was. Not a problem, but the ghost of her haunted him wherever he went.

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

She was talking to him the other day, about the guy she wanted to marry. Describing his traits. She was gone now, gone home to meet her parents. He could see her looking at the numerous strangers and wondering if this could be the guy she wanted to marry. Couldnt she see him? What was the blind that was there in front of her eyes? Wouldnt it ever lift? Should he be happy she called him to discuss the bridegrooms or should he be heartbroken that she dint look at him as one? "How is it that the person you saw as your other half couldnt see you so?"EVery other day he thought and every other day, it broke another piece of his heart. Was it divine retribution for the sins he had committed in his past and in his past lives? Had he done something to hurt people so much that he was being hurt a lot now? He was controlling his emotions every other day as he did not want to burst out in public. He did not want to be melodramatic and create a scene. She wouldnt like it.Everyday he woke up feeling he would be fine by the night. He wasnt. Tomorrow, he said. Tomorrow, ill wake up and it will be over.

I don't know how to feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

He had built his future around an image. A surreal image of a real person who had never understood. Of a real person whose only thought of him had been as a friend. It was all a dream. A dream he wanted to wake up from. But he knew it wasnt. Those were his memories. Memories he had preserved. How could he look at them as dreams? He knew he would be fine if he could convince himself that everyday, every night for the last few months had been just a dream. He wouldnt call it a nightmare. His life now was. But then, it wasnt. Then, it was beautiful and everyday had held a promise. Every minute had given him a beautiful memory. A memory he did not want to lose. Should it be enough? Live with the memories and be happy for them rather than be upset about them being just memories? Would he be happier then? The man all alone who had just his memories for company? Rather, the man who wanted only his memories to live with? The question ruled his every waking moment. To look at it only as a memory would mean killing the hope. The hope he held on to and always thought he would.

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just do

Would time heal this wound too? Should he run faster from life? Was it possible to do that?He knew it would be. He knew he could. Erase everything else in his life except the memory. Erase everything else and live with them. For wasnt it the other things that were creating the problem? The moments without her were horrible as she wasnt there in his real life. But in his dreams,she was and always only she would be. He decided. He chose to erase the present.

Gimme a lil time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

Today, he couldnt do it. But someday he could do it. Not let anything matter. Anything except the dreams of his memories. The days he had felt more alive than ever. The days he had been happiest. The moments he had wanted to never end. The moments he treasured and always would. He knew if he went into his trance, there would be none to wake him up. For none would realise he was in a trance. He knew that was his only way out. The only way he could live with her and be happy with her. He knew how she would react for everything. He knew what she liked, disliked, the way she called him a psycopath and the way she called him adorable. He knew her too well. So well that he became her to himself. So well that he lost himself and became what he wanted to be with. So well that he ceased to exist. For without her, there was no meaning anyway. Someday maybe, he would become himself. The day she came back to him. The day the blind lifted. Till then, life could wait. For without her, there was no life. She had become the life he had always wanted.

And I know I'm not ready,
Maybe tomorrow

P.S. Lyrics of an Avril Lavigne song. Data, i knew you would get it. :D

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Lost in Love

I am really in love with this song. Sigh

I realize the best part of
love is the thinnest slice
And it dont count for much
But Im not letting go
I believe theres still much to believe in

So lift your eyes if you feel you can
Reach for a star and Ill show you a plan
I figured it out
What I needed was someone to show me

You know you cant fool me
Ive been loving you too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on

(chorus)
Lost in Love I dont know much
Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?
But Im back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted

So lift your eyes if you feel you can
Reach for a star and Ill show you a plan
I figured it out
What I needed was someone to show me

You know you cant fool me
Ive been loving you too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on

(chorus)
You know you cant fool me
Ive been loving you too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on

(chorus)
Now Im lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Now Im lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Redefining Life

Victories applauded
Obstacles conquered
Dreams realized
Is it just these
that make a man's life?

Well fought battles
lost to a powerful enemy,
Giant leaps that brought you down
and saw you rise again,
Hopes you harbored
in your heart,
Praying and working
trying to make them come true..
Despite watching them crumble down
into millions of minuscule pieces,
Rebuilding broken dreams
from the very scratch
Doesn't it matter?

Assert I do today
A failed woman
Failures make a man,
Success is just the polish
A shiny hollow shell
is useless
So is a scared dreamless man

This state of dreamlessness
I totally abhor
This state of living dead
I never desire
I strive forth head held high
watching my best laid plans
easily vapourise
watching my wonderful dreams
branded forever to remain so

Still I wish and hope
For today is all I have
The dead yesterday's lessons safe
in my heart
The unborn dreams
ill harbor for a distant tomorrow
still nonexistent
Today is all I have
Today to live,
Today to love
and today to forget
some new tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Bolt!

Today, I wanted to watch Kambaqt Ishq. Sadly, the tickets were sold out and a healthy me walked home (around 2.5 km in 20 mins. Yes, I am proud!) and decided to watch Bolt instead. The first few minutes of the movie, me and Preethi felt we were watching an old Rajnikanth flick. (Except that the dog here was more convincing than Rajnikanth) Then, we realise that bolt is actually a dog in a scifi serial who has been convinced that his costar Penny,(whom he thinks is his owner) is in mortal peril. He is very serious about protecting her. The directors of the serial decide to change the script to humor the 18-35 yr olds who are losing interest due to the incessant happy endings. They kidnap the girl whom Bolt is unable to save in an episode. Bolt who is convinced it is real, escapes from his trailer to go save his friend. He comes out to the real world where his superpowers are absolutely useless.

Bolt, at this point, reminded me of myself in my first semester in Pilani. I was really ignorant (I hate the word innocent. Sometimes, to an adult, its just a blind to hide behind when you cant call yourself stupid and live with it) and i thought that i could conquer anything as i had done in school. No, school wasn't make believe but it was far more easier than college. Four years in one of the most brilliant places in the world absolutely made me more sensible.So, now you have an older and wiser me sitting and writing movie reviews and finding myself in characters from animated movies.

(Bolt's love for Penny is really adorable. No wonder I want a dog!)

Getting back to the movie, Bolt befriends a cynical cat called mittens and a gullible hamster called Rhino. All the 3 embark on the quest to save Penny.( The hampster is so adorable with his innocence. The scenes were Bolt realises he aint a superdog have been well shot. The relationship between the three animals and how Bolt and Mittens become friends, the way Mittens teaches Bolt to be a normal dog, sigh, really cute scenes. The music in the background blends so well with the story.
If you want to watch a happy movie that gives this "I am so about to shed tears of joy but i am scared if someone might see" feeling, then you should go ahead and watch this one. I so loved it. The plot is predictable, the characters have flaws (doesn't everybody now? These are flaws you can definitely live with :D) but the good always triumphs tag line with an adorable dog (which could have looked much better btw) just makes the movie a perfect watch. :)

I still feel dreamworks does a better job at animation than Walt Disney. (This comes from my thinking Bolt could have looked much better!)

P.S. Preethi claims I am too lenient with words. I claim I am attempting to improve my vocabulary. :D

Monday, July 06, 2009

Lost in translation

I had a really crazy time today. In office, the cabs usually gather at a point and we get in there. Today, I was a few minutes late than my usual time and a part of me was actually worried if my cab had left earlier.I was given the registration number of the allotted one. I had never been in the particular cab before and i wasn't able to spot it anywhere. I walk to and fro and I decide to go ask the person in charge if it had already left and if it was possible for him to put me into a different one. I go towards him and a friend who stays in the same place as me, waves asking me to get in to the cab he was in. I notice the registration number and it is in kannada! I am a non kannada speaking person in a kannada speaking land. I often say people should learn the local language rather than expect the locals to know hindi/english. But then, having a registration number only in the local language is like heights!
I agree that you are extremely attached to your mother tongue (So am I to mine btw) and you want to propagate it. Good. I appreciate your persistence. But wouldnt it be better to have registration plates in english and in kannada? It would help people to learn faster that way ( I mean if you want to spread the language, they can associate numbers they see in english and kannada together right?)Now I know how someone in a completely tamil speaking place feels. We have boards in english and tamil in most places and the highways also have directions in english.
Sometimes i feel, we have too much of a language barrier within a small country. I am proud of my country having people speaking the many different tongues. Still, sometimes i wish we could all gather at just one common platform. A lot of children i know in the local medium schools,(tamil, kannada) suffer a lot if they try to converse with someone who doesnt know the language. Isnt it our duty to make the world a better place to live in? How are things going to be better if we cant communicate with each other? I really wonder. If everything is lost in translation, how are we going to ever talk!

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Let love in

I am home now. Came back from home today morning in an AC Volvo. That's the best emotion to feel for those who have felt it, here it is, a toast. For the others. Sigh, you haven't experienced everything yet.
I was out walking with a friend today evening and I have to admit, there is nothing like a walk on a quiet road on any evening. It had just finished raining and the road was so clean and everything was sparkling around me. I live in a really beautiful neighborhood that reminds me of dense tropical forests cleared to make way for buildings. There are huge houses and wide roads and big strong trees all around. When it rains, it is simply divine!The rain is something i really love and it always brings out the part in me that enjoys beauty so much. I was drinking in the varying shades of green, the beautiful flowers, the varying scents that came wafting through the air. My senses were keener, my heart happier. The arbit raindrop that had lodged itself in the trees to drop when i walked underneath, just added to the beauty of the whole thing. There is so much of peace and joy all around and i wonder, what do all those people seek who ceaselessly travel searching for solace of one sort of the other?
I was reminded of a message a very good friend had sent on my birthday,"May you realise that true happiness comes from within and is not dependent on the people around you.Hoping you realise your happiness from within" Today, on that walk, i realised it and I am so thrilled by the discovery. I walked back home alone, getting wet in the gentle drizzle a few passing clouds had decided to bless me with. I never felt closer to him up above. I felt I was blessed and cared for by a power too great for words to describe. I felt alive.
There is so much to be learnt from things we consider insignificant. There is so much to rename, to rebrand, to analyse, to understand. So much about life that if we begin, this process of revelation will take centuries to complete. But if for once, we stop questioning, and start seeing and enjoying, I am sure all of us can find that small inch within us that tells us that we are actually free and liberated and created to be happy and peaceful. I am sure. I felt it today. A passing feeling i dont think i can capture in words. I guess this is what they all call love. I am in love and this makes me feel so liberated and happy! I am in love with life.
P.S. I survived 24 hrs without a computer/laptop. Thats an achievement of sorts for me, the computer crisis junkie. :)
Title of the post dedicated to a song i really like.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Iris

I was listening to this song for a long time yesterday. It was somehow strangely moving and I thought it was beautiful. I haven't watched the movie in which it featured, but i am so much in love with this song that i think ill watch it just to like the song better.

And I'd give up forever to touch you,
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I dont think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.

But i really want to know, do such emotions exist? Giving up your entire life, your dreams just for one person and doing it willingly? Isnt it pure romantic nonsense? I really dont know. Are people who say such things dreamers or are they being subject to something so pure and wonderful that none who hasnt gone through the same, can sympathise with them?

Friday, July 03, 2009

FIGHT CLUB

Today, I was sitting at home with my sisters friend. We (as in 3 girls) had made him sit through legally blond yesterday(which is one movie i really like. Yes, i accept it in a public forum) so I thought it was only fair that we should watch a movie he would enjoy. Skimming through the many violent (supposedly thrillers) movies in my computer, i decided this one would do. (Sigh, i know i could have summarized the last bit with just one sentence, i watched fight club today. But i so love talking!) Unfortunately, i ended up being the only person who sat through the whole movie. The others were too exhausted to watch it.
The movie started with the boring life of the narrator.He is an insomniac and nothing helps him get a natural sleep. The never awake and never asleep state is something most people would sympathise with. He finds relief and a way out of his sleepless nights by going to various self help groups where people gather to combat cancer, tuberculosis and every possible malady that inflicts human beings. Crying his heart out and venting his emotions there helps him sleep peacefully. One fine day, his refuge is lost, thanks to a woman he spots in every group he goes to. Till this, is the boring but still funny bit of the movie. Then, he meets a soap salesman in a plane. On coming home from the plane, he finds his condo blown up. He calls up the guy whom he met in the plane, and the two hit off really well together. They begin the fight club. What happens after that as they say is history.
I just realised, i cant write a review about the movie without giving the plot away. So I would strongly recommend all the sensible people out there to watch this movie and get to hear some brilliant dialogues and wonderful screen play. The plot has a lot of twists and turns and the 2 hour movie is never boring at any point of time. Every single piece of the intricately carved puzzle falls into place and the climax is mind blowing. I never expected it for one.

A few brilliant dialogues:
Its only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything
Our great war is the spiritual war. Our great depression, our lives.
We've all been raised by televisions to believe that one day we'd be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we wont. and we are slowly learning the fact.
On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
You are not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive,You're not the contents of your wallet, you're not your khakhis. You're the all singing all dancing crap of the world.
Listen maggots, you are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Hitting bottom is not a weekend retreat. Its not a seminar.
I will carry you kicking and screaming and in the end you will thank me.


My many thanks to the someone who recommended this movie to me in the first place. Post dedicated to the fight club lover. But i still maintain, there are a lot of unique snowflakes in the world.
The movie set me thinking. I am wondering if all of us are as frustrated as the narrator in the movie. Is going back to how early man was going to solve our problems? Is it better to fight it all out of our system and be happy even if bruised? I dont know.

Resolutions mid year

Sometime spent in the quiet of home can often lead one to ponder about life and everything about it. The acceptance all around you tells you what you will have no matter what. Something you will never lose. Your family, their understanding and acceptance of your weird ways and pig headed obstinately persistent decisions. Thank you mom,dad and Hema. :)
I always think we should stop and review our life every once in a while. I was doing that last night and here is what i decided. Come up with mid year resolutions, modifying the ones i have made already. So, here i come to some sensible resolutions for the next half of the year
No eating out unless absolutely necessary (the term absolutely necessary comes with a lot of fine print but still, my potato look is more than enough to prevent me from eating out.)
I ought to be more focussed about my book which i have to finish by december this year. The first draft at least (By the time mom reads it, I am sure there will be an absolute necessity to rewrite the whole book. :D)
Finish the treatise on wasteland and Eliot i have been working on(For those that dont know, Eliot happens to be the love of my life. :D)
Shower loads of attention and affection on the friends I have so pig headedly ignored due to my supposedly busy schedule.( This could induce trips to chennai, hyd. :D)
Stop waiting and wailing and let life take its course. (Quoting dear mommy)

P.S. A very happy bday to Preethi pig. Love you loads.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Vacation time!

I am home! After exactly 40 days. sigh. No place where i can boss around and do what i please(provided mom decides to humour me of course) Had a really bugging bus journey with a disoriented thatha sitting behind me. He kept pulling my hair whenever he got out of his seat. I already have so little. I was scared i might lose it to his tugs. Thankfully, nothing happened. He started smoking inside an AC bus too! Why do such people exist? I am really irritated seeing how little people seem to care for those around them. That brings me back to the question I keep askng myself. Do i have the right to comment? Am I being considerate? Brilliant thing to think about during vacation. :D

P.S: A very happy bday to ghotting goddess aka Hema Hariharan, my dear darling friend. :)