Saturday, October 31, 2009

Not just another saturday.

Mom is here for the weekend and today was a lot of fun. Though i knew there was an amoeba in leela palace, the frightening and expensive exterior had always prevented the sensible girl in me from stepping into it. Thanks to a friend, i got to know that the rates were quite nominal and today, there i was, bowling, playing pool, foosball etc. It was really fun. More so, because the place was nearly empty and we got to spend time without being too conscious about our lack of knowledge of the games. :D (Else, for the time we took to play pool, the next team would have come and kicked us out. ) I think this was one of mom's trips that was really different from the usual ones. A stroll in the Leela gardens, left me spell bound. It was so luxurious.

The whole place smelt of money and i really wondered why there are so many who die of hunger in India while there are people who are ready to spend 6000 on a silly top and nearly half a lakh on a stupid saree. ( I accidentally went into a shop in UB City when I'd gone to Rajdhani for lunch. All my guilt at buying a new top vanished the moment i saw the price labels on the clothes there. The yearly expenditure for clothing my entire family would not even come up to the cost of a single Saree there.) Isnt clothing supposed to be a basic and not something that is more expensive than your kidney in black market?

I dont know.. I dint think too long either.. I happily rushed to Amoeba and then headed home to play monopoly. Saturday night show in forum, for even the stupidest movie was sold out! So, I had to satisfy myself with just the savings i achieved by not being tempted to buy tickets. Lack of temptation is afterall, a major reason for few people not being sinners. :)

October is done. 10 down 2 more to go and its 2010. Time seems to be flying. What have i been doing the last 2 odd decades of my life? I wonder. Atleast, the last 1.5 years. Sigh.

Bogged down

Dissatisfaction is like this deep bog that keeps sucking you down and mesmerizes you so much that you refuse to catch hold of any support to help you get out of it.
You just like the feeling of floating in a warm bathtub and forget it is not doing you any good.
You look at the world and wail about its faults without realising your view is being obstructed by the steam coming out of the very place you are in.
You think you are struggling to free yourself, but it is just an another illusion that prevents you from seeing that you are just implanting yourself all the more into the soil.
You scream out aloud. Your mouth, is wide open and the voice is in your head and nowhere else for the mud that is going down your throat swallows the voice...

Nothing is ever going to get you out of it, unless, its of course, YOU
Wake UP! and catch hold of that stick that is so conveniently near you. Can you read the label in it? It says positive, assertive decisions. You will be fine if you have seen that.
Nowhere does it even mention agression or pessimism. :)

Friday, October 30, 2009


A poem by William Ernest Henley. Thank you Sagnik for sending it to me. Loved it.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

From the peak

He was standing right at the peak. From his position he could see everything he had ever wanted to. There were bigger peaks available, but his limited imagination had never fathomed even attempts to conquer the same.Today, he had what he had wanted. But then, was it really the case? Could one quantify what he wants correctly every time? What if it is something else you want but aren't even aware of its existence and so you choose the next best option you can imagine? Are you then really defining what you want properly? He wondered aloud. He had always classified people who asked questions as those who had nothing to do. Now, his definition varied a little. They had nothing better to do. He was the interrogator now. Interrogating an unresponsive universe. Rather, interrogating someone whose responses were not in the same simple language as his. They were in a different tongue and he could not understand it. Maybe, he was just a big idiot who misunderstood silence to be a tongue he could not hear and understand. Maybe, he was the one that was illuminated and the rest of the world lacked the insight to understand his musings. After all, it required immense courage to be different. Courage to tolerate being laughed at. Courage to rise up every time no matter how deep the fall. Courage to be real..

He accepted he lacked the courage. He accepted he did not have it in him to stand out. He had recognized that long back and tried to become one of the many. Possessing a little intelligence, he had however climbed farther than the masses though. That, was the only difference. To everyone, he was just another person. Everyday, he tried to conquer the demons within him. He tried to shoo them away and tell them he couldn't do what they expected of him. He couldn't be real all the time. He failed himself every time he could not meet his exceedingly high expectations on just this front.

Now, he was at the tip. Right where he had wanted to be. He waited for it. The surge of joy that poets so beautifully described one experienced on achieving his aims. It did not come. He felt something else. The surge of adrenaline at the sight of another peak. He knew he could not rest until he had conquered the same. He knew, it would take him a longer time. He tried to pause and ponder. With difficulty, he channeled his thoughts into the depths of his mind. He traveled way back in time. Looked at the child who had set out one fine day to conquer the peak he had always seen and marveled from a distance. Contrary to the usual stories, his path had not been all that difficult. It was a well worn path. Time consuming, with a lot of little lessons on the way, but still, it was very simple compared to the toil millions had to endure to fail.He had always been happy.Surprisingly, it was staying at the peak that had been more difficult than the climb to it. He wavered each time a strong wind blew his way. He had to endure the bright and incessant scrutiny of the sun. The storm clouds that loomed so close did nothing to comfort him. He had endured all this while and today, he wondered if it was worth it. That there was another peak he had to conquer. He looked down. Just one wrong step and there, eternity greeted him with her arms wide open. He could lose himself in the endless pit and forget about his existence as a human being. As a believer of rebirth, he knew he would be born again. But then, was it worth it all? He did not think so.

The distant peak greeted him. "Sometime soon" he promised himself and dug his foot deeper into the soil to brave the next gust that was coming his way

What is it like?

What is it like to stoop lower than you ever even imagined you would?
What is it like to want to do something but do something else just because it is profitable?
What is it like to laugh when all you want to do is give out a well directed punch?
What is it like to let down the people who trust you just to get your share of the limelight?
What is it like to wear a mask everyday and be on your guard every second of your life?

These are just a few questions i want to ask creatures i see once in a while. However, I guess I have never had the guts to do the same. How i despise this aspect of life. Why cant i speak my mind!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Love of my life

Well, it is reading. Has always been so. (Sometimes i am bowled over by avid readers but thats a different issue)

I am back to reading books with a vengeance. The last month my life has spiralled out of control and by the time and caught it and got some order in it, I almost lost my reading habit. And now it is back! With a big bang. I have to thank P.G.Wodehouse for it. It was his Meet Mr.Mulliner which sparked off the addiction of the bookworm in me. I now want to read a lot of funny short stories. This saturday i went to blossoms and bought up the entire Mulliner collection. I also went to Axis books (in the intermediate ring road) and got a couple of Williams. :D I now intend to finish collecting William and Agatha Christie. Monitoring my progress, I am sure the event will come to pass in a year or two. :)

I really have to appreciate the store owner in Axis. He really knows his stuff. This place is usually empty as against Landmark/Crossword/Blossoms. I walked all the way from Carlton towers(After hogging royal butterscotch in corner house) to Axis braving traffic just to grab William. Landmark would have been an easier option, but i wanted to check out the collection in Axis. I wasnt disappointed. My better half (read alter ego) found a lot of fantasy books that arent there in landmark and greedily grabbed the same. I look at my book collection and I am really happy. I try to forget the big hole in my pocket, rather the sudden significant drop in my bank account. Afterall, we live but once. :D

Bookworms and light readers alike, should go to this place. You get really good unobtrusive service. I love the bookmark give out by thoughtworks that i got there. It was unique. Wondering if i should go collect more of the same. :)

Monday, October 26, 2009

Festive October

I had every intention of writing long and brilliant works of art during the weekend. Unfortunately, with my hectic and pressing social engagements, i was unable to do the same. :D (The real reason is that i accidentally poured almost a bottle of water on my keyboard and my lovely laptop refused to work. It is back in form now and i am thanking my lucky stars that i did not have to shell out money for repairing the same.)

This weekend, was realy different. I ended up going to Kingfisher's October fest. Being a complete non-alcoholic, I was a little out of place in an event sponsored by the beer maker.. It wasnt because of the people with me.It was because, I was not able to consume food there. The food items were over priced and pathetic. I dont mind over priced places as frankly, that is what is there in bangalore. But pathetic, tasteless food, i really cannot tolerate. Also, mothers who bring little kids on a leash. You read me right. This idiotic woman had put a leash around her kids hip and was carting her around. I so badly wanted to tear her apart.

Coming back to the music, which was the reason that drew me to the place, it was good. Mother Jane was ok. I never had a chance to listen to Thermal and a quarter before (which is my way of saying i dint know they existed)and i really liked them.My all time favorite, Indian Ocean stole the show. They were the last band to play and I waited so eagerly for them. Especially Kandisa. Brilliant song. I love the guitar. Everytime i listen to them, i am taken back to my alma mater. The wonderful days i spent discovering music, love, relationships and myself. (If you have read my earlier posts, you'd know i dint exactly study in BITS)

I have decided to go explore more such options in bangalore.

Friday, October 23, 2009

The surrogates

I came across this band called the surrogates. Was listening to their album - love is for the rich. I absolutely loved it. Simple and strong lyrics and really good music. I dont know how many people would like this band. But i thought i should put up a post about them. I was not able to post their lyrics as all my attempts to copy the same from websites have been quite unsuccessful. Someday when i am not too impatient i think i shall write a story with the lyrics as the background.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

"Guard" save the world

Well, for the last month or so, we have been having a security guard stationed in our house. I live in a very safe area, but the owners felt safer with a guard. Few friends of mine comment that it is the owners way of protecting themselves from me.

Whatever might be the reason, I have had a wonderful chance to observe few characters.
  • Character 1: The security guard who can sleep like a log when walk into and out of the house right past him, talking in full volume on the phone. (Really tired guy i presume)
  • Character 2: The man who does not consume anything but mineral water and knocks on the door at any time of the day to get some.
  • Character 3: The tenth std kid who does this as a part time job and sleeps with a book in his hand
  • Character 4: The short stout guy whose potato who really needs protection
  • Character 5: The guy who is never there. He goes to "take care" of his "frightened" wife and forgets to turn up in the morning to sign off from his entrusted job
  • Character 6: The guy who brings in a tortoise coil and a bedsheet and happily curls up and goes to sleep beneath the staircase
  • Character 7: The guy who refuses to open the door for the milk man and asks him to jump over the gate
  • Character 8: The idiot who asked me for id proof to prove that i actually lived in the house.
  • Character 9: The enthusiast who chases dogs away from the gate
  • Character 10: The guard whose cycle was stolen when he was on duty. He apparently went to the terrace to investigate some noise when somebody stole his cycle. He had the guts to come and ask us for the money to replace the same.
Sigh, All said and done, the one thing the above characters have achieved is instil in me a sudden urge to find an apartment with 24*7 security. Maybe the Sobha near office...

The invisible thought process

Most of my thoughts begin and end at completely unrelated incidents. I have always been able to perceive a logical connection between them. However, most people i know cannot. This leads to a lot of angry friends/acquaintances who think that i am not lending a listening ear. I really do. The only thing is, I also think at the same time about something.

Consider this incident. It happened today morning. I was speaking to a friend of mine on the phone and he was talking about getting a car someday. And my reply was, "that reminds me, i have to pay my rent." (I have completely forgotten that formality this month. But that, is an entirely different issue altogether) He got real angry and gave me a dangerous look. (well, so i assume from the silence on the other end of the phone) A very meek me, proceeded to explain my thought process. To me a car symbolises the cab i travel in everyday. (It is a silly white indica.) Anyway, and a lot of important life threatening discussions happen in the same over the phone. Yesterday, my room mate had called me to remind me that the transfer i had made, did not get through. So there i was, the rent connection. Now, I want to know, was it that obscure?

A friend of mine, once told me that my thought process is like that of a train that is passing through different stations. While i speak, i talk from the perspective of someone who is in a different station, while the person i am talking to is right where i left him/her.

I dont know. Is it that bad? I always wonder. Is it that all the miscommunications i had with people are happening only because we were in different stations? Interesting.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I see a tiny dot moving
very quickly towards me..
I see it flit from one person to another
never staying too long
In my heart it invokes
a nameless emotion
Something very different
from the usual ones
I subject myself to..

I rise my hands
calling it to me
with all my heart..

I watch the dot spell bound
A part of my mind,
all the while wondering
what is it i see
Is it a star twinkling?
A bird flying?
A kite?

A song distracts me
from my lonely musings..
A song so poetic
A song without any words
A song i can feel my entire being
get envelopped by
A song being sung
Just for me...

I try to differentiate the words
Losing the music
in the process...
Chose i do,
to lose myself to the song

I transcend the realm of reality
liberated from the bonds
that eternally seem to tie me down

For there is meaning
in what seems meaningless
It is more meaningful to accept
and become what you feel

It is wonderful to just accept...
the distant dot takes a form
That of the love
I have always sought
That of the life
I have always wanted..

I visualise it
Right in front of me
with my eyes closed, tightly..

I welcome life..
I welcome love.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Looking back

I am home, resting after a really awesome diwali. We had a lot of fun.

Today morning, when i was reading a mail from a friend of mine, (who happens to be my junior from college) I was reminded of my college days. I celebrated diwali 2006 in Pilani. It was a very memorable day for a lot of reasons. It was one of those days in which i felt loved and appreciated. It was one of those days that i felt happy being who i am. I was surrounded by really brilliant people who sparkled more than the crackers we burst in Cnot.

Our relationships have chnged and metamorphised over time.. But still, in some corner of my heart, I have wonderful memories associated with everyone who walked into my life and made it special.

This post is a dedication to the one person who always made it a point to make my BITSian life joyous and fun filled. We are no longer as close as we used to be. The tide of time has swept us in different directions and this person is in a different continent, a different time zone. We still have conversations, but they are a little strained due to the issues each of us harbour in our hearts. Words unsaid have become more important than those said. This happens to sadden me a lot, but I am sure that with time, it would all be fine and we would be the great friends we always were.

Right now, I am damn sure that anybody who comes in contact with this nice soul would feel special and happy. Anybody who is lucky enough to be called a friend, would realise what it is like to be accepted for who you are without any frills. Anybody who is sensible would see a diamond in the rough.Thank you.

This is a post for me and me alone... just in a public forum.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Celebrating Life

I see you smile.. the stranger whose face i would probably forget.. Why is that box of sweets so special to you? Is it such a rarity in your life? In that smile,i see a reason.. to celebrate life..

I pick up the phone and speak to a long lost friend. In just a few seconds, the distance that separates us seems to shrink and I feel so close though i am miles away.. In the voice i hear, i get another reason.. to celebrate life

I watch as the sunlight creeps in through the dark corridor I am so used to since i was a kid..I stare spell bound as the changes slowly start creeping in.. Making everything so bright and gay.. in this, i find a reason to celebrate life

I smell the delicacies a loving person is making, just for me.. I run to hog and in the few seconds, i find another excuse, to celebrate life..

I feel you catching hold of my hand in the busy road.. Though I do not turn to look at you, I know that in that mere presence near me, I have all the reason i would ever need, to celebrate life..

This post is a dedication to all those wonderful people and the wonderful things thanks to which, every single day of my life, I have a reason to celebrate life..

I do not need a festival to give me an excuse to celebrate. Every day that i am alive and I breathe the air around me, inhaling something so precious, uncorrupted,pure and oh! so essential.. every minute of my life that i feel so protected and cared for, i find a reason.. to live, love and celebrate..

Thank you so much for being a part of my life.. Whoever you are, I am glad you are who you are doing what you are..

Friday, October 16, 2009

A stop to shoppers stop.

I am just back from the markets of madurai. The day before diwali the roads are so packed! I have seen it earlier but never at such close quarters and NEVER for such a long time. It all started today evening when mom wanted to check out a few new shops in the town (as we call the center of the city). So an over enthusiastic me, all dressed up in this awesome dress i stumbled upon yesterday, jumped at the oppurtunity and patient dad got an auto for us. The guy dropped us at the roads and literally flew back. Every direction i turn, i only saw heads. There was no place for even walking in the roads. The traffic had been diverted and people were madly rushing into all shops.

I just entered a single shop to check out sarees for my mom and lo! It was like a kaleidoscope of so many colours! There were sarees ranging from 100 to 100000. Never have I seen such a gathering of people of all classes,colours and age. The festive season brings everybody together. Now i know what they mean by the word festive spirit ( Shopping is something i can relate to. :D)

My shopping experience was however not so great. The bangalore malls and shops have completely spoilt me. I am so used to excellent customer service that i absolutely couldnt stand the customer service executives shoving consumers around in an attempt to manage crowds. My sister told me that i was being treated very well and that, in a particular shop in madurai, there are people with sticks who have been engaged to handle the crowd. I was seriously speechless. I guess there are people who dont really care about how they are treated as long as they can strike a good bargain. Also, with a huge country like ours, where is the time or the area for courtesy and finesse?!

All things apart, i really have to agree that i enjoyed myself this diwali, going from one shop to the next and window shopping with someone like my dad. He was the one that finally selected my dress though. (Mom and Sis played a pivotal role too. :) )

P.S. Title inspired by a comment of one of my closest friends. :)

Happy diwali to one and all!

Bugged traveller

Have finally reached home after a 12 hour bus ride from bangalore.Last night, I was really surprised to see a decent special bus. I had imagined a thagara dappa. Thankfully, this bus, wasnt that bad. The seats were comfortable(well comparitively.. I only had no space to keep my leg/luggage.) I was so dead tired that i happily slept through the journey. It wasnt a restful sleep though. I had to get up when the driver lost his way and also when the bus broke down in the middle of nowhere. I have nobody to complain to about the journey except the unfortunate readers of the blog.
My fellow passengers were proactive and pushed the bus for a few hundred metres after we were stuck for around an hour. I was still exhausted after my uneventful hyderabad trip. (uneventful professionally. Personally, I got an awesome piggy bank and funky tops. :D I am delighted with both. ) I could not observe too much in the wee hours of the morning when this incident occured. I vaguely remember a group of hyperactive young kids sitting behind me making fun of the driver. (they sounded like kids to me. For all I know they could be older than me)
The best part of the trip was watching this brilliant ajith flick called Tirupati. I really want to know which idiot would watch such movies in a theatre. Has the Tamil industry stooped to such low levels? Thankfully, some of my sensible co passengers gave the bus guy a dvd of recent tamil songs to play. It is equally jarring of course, but atleast, it is much better than seeing satha and ajith romance with what they assume is wit.
Why is travelling such a bad experience in India? Why are we all doing nothing about it? Why cant there be more buses? Why cant the roads be better and the attitude of people a little more friendlier? I guess I have no right to complain about standing up as all i did was watch the idiot driver lose his way. I really wish there would be a forum to address complaints.
I was so bugged when i finally landed at home that instead of going off to sleep like i had been planning to, i went to take bath and take control of my life.
Unfortunately, Drew Barrymore in Bad girls had an entirely different idea and i spent the morning watching her trying to shoot people and look beautiful. Sigh. I am going to sleep. Let me do what i love to do atleast.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Diwali blues

Diwali is around the corner and, believe it or not, i haven't shopped for the occasion yet!
I am trying so hard to bring myself to go get something, but the same me who goes on shopping sprees at the drop of the hat is not too keen. Sigh. Anyway, we cannot celebrate diwali this year as a relative of ours died. So i guess I am mourning the loss of someone i saw ages ago and knew as a kid.
My lack of enthusiasm to shop for the festive occasion, is shocking me. I had gone to SP road today to fix my mother's laptop and after that, my friend, someone who is a fellow shopaholic, wanted to shop and I, believe it or not, refused! I am still trying to understand why i did that.

Kahan ho tum -

Love this song. Long time.

Kahan ho tum mujhe batao
Zara kareeb se pukaro
Kahan kahan dhundu tumko...
Main aawara dar-badar
Nazar na aye tum magar

Chup gaye ho tum kaha ho tum kidhar

Ab to dil hai darta sehara dariya aakhon ki nami
Yaadon ka laga hai pehra har kahi
Jana tum se tha jo roshan mera pyar pe yakeen
Guum hai kahan kal tak to tha yaheen
Oh humnasheen

Tumhine to kaha tha mujhse
Subha nai to aaegi
Isi umeed ke sahare
Kar raha hu rehguzar
Kaho kahan ho humsafar

Chup gaye ho tum kaha ho tum kidhar

Ab to dil hai darta sehara dariya aakhon ki nami
Yaadon ka laga hai pehra har kahi
Jana tum se tha jo roshan mera pyar pe yakeen
Guum hai kahan kal tak to tha yaheen
Oh humnasheen

Mujhe awaz do
Mere khawob ke saharon
Phirse awaz do
Kaha ho tum pukaron

Mere khawabon ke saharon...
Mujhe tum pukaron...
Jana tum se tha jo roshan mera pyar pe yakeen
Guum hai kahan kal tak to tha yaheen

Ab to dil hai darta sehara dariya aakhon ki nami
Yaadon ka laga hai pehra har kahi
Jana tum se tha jo roshan mera pyar pe yakeen
Guum hai kahan kal tak to tha yaheen
Oh humnasheen...

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Wake up Sid!

I went to a Hindi movie after ages today. ( Iwatched Inglorious basterds over the weekend. But that is an english movie. :D) PVR is favorite place in the weekdays as i get to watch a hindi movie for 70 bucks on a weekday morning. For a person with the afternoon shift, it is a biggg blessing. Wake up Sid songs have been haunting me for quite sometime now. Especially,

"O re manwa tu toh bavra hai..
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochtha hai.. "

Beautiful song and the undying romantic in me (ya ya i can see a lot of people laughing when i call myself that) just adores it. Even the title song just gets me jumping all the time. (It is ok. I understand your concern. No there havent been any earth quakes)

"Zindagi mein koi na koi rang baro "

Thats what is screaming in the background as i write this. Thank god for Grooveshark. I can listen to music anywhere anyplace. :)

Coming back to the movie review this was supposed to be, this, is a brilliant watch for someone who likes peppy movies. The first half sees the stereotype rich kid blowing his dad's money away. Ranbir has really done a good job. Konkana's awesome! She emotes so well. I have to say she made me relate to so many things about the character. Especially in the scene where she confides in Ranbir that she has overcome her fear of being alone and is able to walk around. I have to appreciate the 19 yr old director, ayan for coming up with incidents that young adults like me can relate too. Here is a movie in which a girl and a guy stay together and they are just friends. I really loved that part.

Sid growing up to become a man, is shown beautifully without too much of a drama. The relationship between the parents and son, between the friends is well portrayed. There are a few small characters here and there which could have been given even more screen space. They left me wanting for more actually. But the movie would have become longer and not as entertaining in such a case.

For all of you who have a long weekend ahead, go watch this movie. Ayan Mukherjee, i shall make it a point to watch the rest of your movies. Ranbir, i hate to accept it, but you can actually act. :D

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

These are strange times

There are times in life when you feel that you are being sucked deeper and deeper into this bottomless bog of self pity and depression.
Times when you feel all alienated and lost and seriously wish it were not the case.
Times when you search for relief in even the most impossible places.
Times when you want to end it all.
Times when your tears blind you so much that you cannot see what you have.
Times when every step you take seems harder than the previous one.
Times when you dread waking up to the life you so detest.
Times when all you want is to break every tie you have and run towards something imaginary that seems to be extremely elusive
Times when you have nothing to confirm or disregard the assumptions that so dictate your thoughts.
Times when you want to drown your sorrow in something that could give you the solace. Something, you would never have ever thought about before

Only thing i can say is, "this too shall pass."
But i cannot say if you would survive it till then. Maybe you will, Maybe you wont. What doesnt kill you, does make you stronger.

Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell

Well, This was one book I had really looked forward to reading. I loved his Tipping Point and found Blink to be a decent read. (Blink made me justify a lot of so called impulsive decisions i made and hence, i liked the book. :D) When I heard of Outliers, I wanted to purchase it. However, I never got around to doing it till late. (My book buying spree had stopped temporarily. Now it is back with a bang, after a few friends appreciated my collection.) The last couple of days saw me staying up really late to finish the book.
I have to confess, i was disappointed. In an attempt to demystify the successful, the author had forgotten that not everything can be attributed to culture. Yes, he mentions the point time and again, but not as often as he talks about the importance of culture and timing in a person's success. If those were the two things that mattered, why dint other kids from Lakeside School (where Bill Gates studied) all become multi billionaire.

The author uses the generalization we, everywhere. I do not know about the average American, but I really know for sure that most of the things that he says "we" believe in, is not something I do. (Maybe I am an outlier. interesting thought. :D)

Another setback in the book is that it is very Americanised. A little more of international examples would have definitely made the book a more interesting read

I believe that your upbringing makes you who you are. I dont want to dispute that fact. However, the individual's drive to succeed and rise above his background is not something that can be explained by the culture. Coming from where I am, I have seen a lot of people who strive to be different and work hard for the same.

This book, forgets such outliers and looks only at a few of them. And yes, I still believe that where you are from matters, but not too much. If you want to be somewhere, you and only you can make that happen. Success can be demystified, but that doesnt mean with the right ingredients and little work anybody can become one. It also doesnt mean that with only hard work, you cant succeed if the ingredients arent right.

A huge disappointment to me. But an ok read I guess.

Lazy wednesday

October has been my laziest month ever. Sigh. I am soo bugged with myself. I really want to get rid of this thing which has stuck to me like a leech and run around like i usually do. But then, it is so comfortable! What do i do! Here i am, on a wednesday, bang in the middle of the week wishing it was friday instead and i could happily begin my diwali vacation!
Unfortunately, I cannot spend the whole 9 days at home as i had planned, as the hyd trip has to be done next week. Wednesday is the D day. I am dreading the journey home on thursday, thanks to the stupid local bus i managed to get a ticket in after haggling. Some last minute plans are so irritating. But the thought of going home is so awesome that the journey doesnt seem to be that bad an option. :) I am still hoping for a miracle when i try for tatkal. That is an entirely different issue altogether. :)

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Reyil Sneham (Life)

This weekend, I have been thinking a lot. Yes, i know that flashes a red light in front of few people i know, who have the (mis)fortune of listening to my gyan. I realise that life nowadays is full of what is called 'reyil sneham'. It is a tamil term and as usual, i fail to find an appropriate expression for the same in english. Let me try to describe the same. Reyil sneham literally translates to train friendship. It is used to denote somebody who enters your life in a train, a person you confide in, talk to, spend a small part of your life with and completely forget about later. The percentage of such people used to be really small earlier when our lives were fixed. We grew up with the same neighbours, got married, settled in a slightly different area, but even then, the floating population in our life was really small.

Now, it is just the opposite. For a young adult like me, the fixed population is very small. Most relationships that one is blessed with by virtue of birth, is nowhere near where I am. I doubt if they know me for who I am as much as someone who works with me does. I have more in common with the neighbour to whom I have hardly spoken with, than with somebody from the same caste. (This, is one reason why arranged marriage wont work in this condition. But that explanation, rather my perspective shall follow later.)

A multitude of faces swim in front of my eyes.All the people I met and interacted with..the many relatives, people in school, in a college in some remote corner of the country, in office, in the many social (supposed) gatherings..

There are human beings we see almost everyday. Those that we interact with. Another 'Reyil Sneham'. That is all it is. All of us are so caught up in our ever changing lives, that we do not get too much of a chance to catch up. We are all so busy running from one place to another in search of something or the other, that we forget what was. I wont call this wrong. (I keep doing it all the time. :D) In fact, i realise, that is how life is. Everytime there is some change in my life, I feel a sharp pain very close to my heart. (No. Dont be funny. It is not acidity) I think, it is called sorrow. Everytime, I know that my life will go on and that the experience would have only left me richer and also that no matter what happens, i will never lose touch with or grow out of my roots.

The deadliest disease

The deadliest disease, as I might label, is something that affects almost every other human being.
Its cure is really simple. But the only problem is you have to diagnose yourself that you happen to have it. There is nobody else who can tell you until it spreads in epic proportions. Anyone whom I have talked about this with would realise i am speaking about loneliness.

The major issue I have seen and faced is that, people never realise they have been inflicted. This is mainly because they think they are above it. They place the word alone as the synonym for loneliness. However, in 6 cases out of 10, being alone is not a symptom of being lonely. There are many individuals who are content being who they are, and all by themselves.

It is in those that are surrounded by the so called social circle is this disease more prevalent and more deadly. I wonder if it is being with people who are like you and still not like you, could cause this.

Yes, I admit, I am inflicted by this disease at times. There is only one thing i do then. Lift up the phone and call the person who gave me my life, my confidence and all my joy. My mom. Thanks to this bond i share with her, all my negative emotions are driven away by her. I am so glad, I have a mom who is more of a friend than a mother. I am also glad that as long as she is there, i would never be one of the numerous victims. Thank you mom and advanced happy birthday.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

A happily tearful farewell

Today, One of my closest friends from office, left the company.
She is moving away to be with the love of her life, leaving behind a very sad me. I am very happy for her and wish that she gets all the joy that she deserves and everything that she wants and ever could want. However, I am not able to get rid of this feeling in me which keeps telling me that i am going to miss her a lot.

There is nobody now whom i can run to, and pour my heart out, while being sure I wont be laughed at.
There is nobody now to compare notes on what we like and what we dont.
There is nobody now to laugh with me about the silly girl with weird clothes
There is nobody, whom i can be with and know for sure that i am accepted.
There is nobody to call me mad girl :( and egg me on to go on diets and eat healthy (well, she still would call from wherever she is and tell me I am sure. :) )

Namita, i really will miss you. Good luck. A public dedication to one of the best people i have come across in this short life of mine. It is people like you that keeps me going and helps me retain the respect i have for mankind in general.