Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Heavenly Hell

I was having a discussion with a friend last week about heaven and hell. I know it doesnt sound like usuall chitter chatter but then, thats how it was. The same thing got me thinking. I was reminded of this person i know who lives in an awesome location. He was so used to the place that it wasn't possible for him to enjoy it as much as a stranger did. Once again, i confronted my friend and enemy - familiarity. They all say familiarity breeds contempt. However, i think it causes you to lose the initial passion which you have towards anything. In some cases it can morph into understanding, in some to acceptance but in all the cases, it reduces the initial intensity that you feel towards something.

Getting back to heaven and hell, imagine this. You are sent to heaven. All those lovely angels in white playing harps. You would be enthralled by it for some time. However, how long do you think you would be in love with it? I am sure the initial rapture would die down and when some new tenant walks in to the pearly gates, you would look at him with a fond smile when he is overjoyed. And a hell! What do they do to you? Roast you in oil? But you no longer possess a body do you? And how can they kill an already dead person? Whenever i fall sick, like the cut in my hand or the leg pain, even when it is not cured, i get used to it after some point. It would not be so painful or troublesome as it was initially as i forget how it is to be normal.

You know when it would really get horrible or really get awesome? When you go to the other world and see what the others have. Then you might hate your plight or be able to appreciate it. Still, I am sure there would be a few resigned to their fate, knowing no matter what they did they couldn't enter heaven and try to live with what they have.

I only hope that no divine power reads my blog and gets me into trouble. I wont mind an affectionate approval though.

Sunday, June 27, 2010


Before i go ahead, i have to mention one thing. I love Ranbir Kapoor and Katrina Kaif. When i heard about the cast of the movie, i knew i would end up watching it. This movie is a little different from the usual candy floss movies i love watching. (I watched ghost of girlfriends past yesterday. Did not hate it!)

This is the story of a family in politics. How the party leader's sudden stroke changes the lives of those around him. The power clash between his son and nephew triggers an unhealthy epic of mass destruction. Like any other movie dealing with politics, this one too brings out the so called disturbing reality where killing is the solution to every possible problem. I still prefer my ideal world where human beings are not so cold blooded. Coming back to the story line, the so called master plans aren't always inspiring and the plot is a little predictable at times. Some twists are quite unnecessary and all they succeed in doing is portraying a grey character in a worse light. Let grey things be grey!

The one nice thing about Rajneeti is the cast.

Usually characters with shades of grey arent explored properly and same is the case in this movie too. But Ranbir did do a good job with whatever he had. He has seriously grown as an actor from Bachna Ae Haseeno and I am glad. Another star kid banking on his family's fame would have spelled doom to Bollywood.

Katrina Kaif has emoted really well and looks gorgeous as usual. She has pulled off a serious role for a change. Coming to think of it, everybody has done a really good job with acting. Starting with Arjun RAmpal (another hero i really like) to Ranbir's mother.

I dont understand why directors in the recent past have started this trend of copying from the classics instead of from foreign films. I have to admit that it is a change and as contrived and unoriginal as it might be, it is at least a different form of unoriginal. I wouldn't call this movie a classic or a must watch. But it is definitely a good watch.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Just another Audi

I dont believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now..

It is really funny (as i keep telling time and again) how certain small things remind you of a time gone by. Today i was completely taken back to a wonderful place i used to call psuedo-home till 2 years ago. I have this habit of going back in a time capsule once in a while. As a rule my memory is awesome, but i actually refuse to recollect stuff like usual people do. I try not to cloud my mind (current part that i use for daily activities) with things that might clog it. So when i go on a remembering spree, it is a little difficult to stop the spontaneous overflow of emotions.

There was once a me that wished for the power to change the past. There is now a me, who appreciates the value of the present that the past can never have. I mean, you cant live in the past. The sentence by itself is a contradiction. You can never be alive if you do that. I love my past, adore my present and think ill be euphoric in the future. I was reminded of the audi today. The BITS audi, not the audi in office where we go for meetings. The few times i was in an almost empty one waiting for a event to start. The lighting, the art n dee paintings which i liked and of course the people around who were important as part of the ambiance (most of them i guess)

It is funny how the insignificant things you dont remember noticing come to your mind when you start thinking about something related to it.
I remember making rockets with AEP papers and making it fly around.
I remember standing in mithali in a crowded audi, then realising it was being played somewhere in FD2 QT and running there to watch it in peace.
I remember wanting to watch Fash-P atleast once and walking out to chat with a friend instead. I remember getting on the stage to get a prize.
I remember the first OASIS with a then friend, listening to a lot of stories which touched my heart
I remember listening to rocktaves
I remember watching silly plays and a few serious ones
I remember running back stage for one of the few plays i actually worked
I remember watching Shabdh, Black, Race and a host of such assorted movies
I remember standing outside the audi when bugged with a crappy movie and while waiting for some inaug/music night to start
I remember standing in the long queue to drink water
I remember a few people sitting beside me throughout. Some of whom i say a "what's up" in social networking sites.
I remember crossing it when i went from FD3 to FD2.
I remember the dark passage near it where i was nearly scared to death once.
I remember the seriously silly dance/song routines a few illuminated souls came up with

This, and a lot more. Overall a life well lived. Love you, BITS-Pilani. I have a bond with you that has still not changed. (I wanted to say nothing can change, but then you never know. :D ) The post is dedicated to just another audi i was in and incidentally perhaps the best of the lot.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Over hyped Intelligence

From when i was a kid, I have always heard this line ,"He/she is very intelligent.Will definitely go a long way." I have been watching since then for them to go a long way and i have to admit that most of them haven't even started walking! I admire intelligence a lot. I must admit that. I cannot tolerate human beings who cannot understand what i speak. However, I feel that plain intelligence is over hyped and does not really help people all that much.

In the recent past, life has as usual thrown a lot of lessons my way. Why does this crazy society place so much value on intelligence and not on using that intelligence with hard work? Why do people so love short cuts! I mean, whatever happened taking pride over one's work? The only thing i wish for is that my fellow souls wake up one fine day out of their dreamy intelligent lives and see that reality is where hard work works. True, you need intelligence, but then you end up being a huge fool if that is all you intend to have.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Pearls of wisdom

  1. It is all the imperfections in life that make it so perfect
  2. If i all i have is memories, I really have nothing for no matter how lovely the past was, the present is all there is.
  3. At the end of the day, it is not the differences which matter, but what you choose to do - acknowledge their existence and work your way around it or move farther away.
  4. Everyone is intolerable at one level or another. The only difference is, there are some intolerable things you can live with and some you cant. :D
  5. If it is only words you have, it doesnt matter. Atleast tell the damn words. :D
  6. As much as you might hate it, your life is all you have. Learn to live with it or learn to change it your way
  7. Heaven or hell, different people different views.
  8. A house filled with facilities cant be called a home, but what the hell atleast you are physically comfortable.
  9. Money is not the only thing in life that matters. But without money, there will be no life left in the matter. (Human body)
  10. Sometimes, a few moments of euphoria seem much better than decades of routine. I guess, decades of euphoria would not be as great.

This is what happens if i wake up early and spend sometime thinking with the comp in front.

Mundhinam Partheney

Love the lyrics and the song.

Mundhinam partene partadum thotrene
Salladai kannagha, nenjamum ponnanathe
Ettanai naal agha unnai naan paaramal
Enga thaan poneno natkalum veenanathe
Vaanathil Nee vennila yeakkathil naan theaivathaa
Ippodhu ennodhu vandal enna
Oor parka ondraghe serndral enna
Ippodhu ennodhu vandal enna
Oor parka ondraghe serndral enna

Mundhinam partene partadum thotrene
Salladai kannagha, nenjamum ponnanathe
Ettana naal agha unnai naan paaramal
Engai thaan poneno natkalum veenanathe

Thula thottil unnai vaithu, migar seya ponnai vaitai
Thulaabaaram thoarkaatho per azhage
Mugam partum pesum unnai, mudhal kaadhal seindhum kannai
Annaikamal paaveno aaruyire
Oooh oru nilal pole, vidamal unnai thodervenadi
Pugal pole padamal patthu nagarvenadi
Vinaa nooru kanaavum nooru vidai solladi

Mundhinam partene partadum thotrene
Salladai kannagha, ullamum ponnanathe
Ittana naal agha unnai naan paaramal
Engai thaan poneno natkalum veenanathe

kadal neelam mangum nerum aalai vandu theendum thorum
Manam sendru moolgaatho eerathile
thalai saaike thoalum thantaai viral kottum pakkum vandai
Idal mattum ennum yen dhooratile
Pagal neram kanakal kanden urangamale
Uyirendu muraya kanden nerungamale
Unai endri eneke edhu edhirkaalame

Mundhinam partene partadum thotrene
Salladai kannagha, nenjamum ponnanathe
Ettanai naal agha unnai naan paaramal
Engai thaan poneno natkalum veenanathe
Vaanathil nee vennila yerkathil naan deivatha
Ippodhu ennodhu vandal enna
Oor parka ondraghe serndral enna
Ippodhu ennodhu vandal enna
Oor parka ondraghe serndral enna

Monday, June 14, 2010


Ya i know the title sounds like I am going to churn out loads and loads of philosophy. Partly right. But then, as i say often before the only thing that can be considered equivivalent to perfection is impossibility. Let me get back to the noble task of revealing the currently non existent connection between the title and the post.

After pondering about the many might have been's in life, i quickly realized that i almost stood to lose what i do have. I guess human beings find it easier to be sad than to be happy. What is it that set survivors apart? Is it just the ability to accept life as it is? I would love to think so. However, i am sure that is not the case. I mean, when you end up accepting life as it is, you stop trying to improve and improvement is the greatest boon and the worst bane. I have been continously contemplating about this dangerous word. I hope all the contemplation and the desires lead to my survival and not complete extinction of mankind like the one the atom bomb almost bought about.

Might have been

I dont have anything against these words as such. But it is when they are put together that i cant help but get irritated. I have to admit that i do use them myself, in the same order. However, it is not too often and then in the recent past i start laughing when the thought crosses my mind because i know what my immediate next line is going to be. One of the saddest states in life is when you can predict yourself and start laughing when nobody around knows what is happening.

I do not know the connect the dots speech by heart. It seems to be the in thing nowadays as most people i know seem to be quoting from it. Today, I was looking at a lot of so called dots in my life. I have failed to notice so many obvious patterns. I also know for sure, that even this minute, I am not recognising some patterns that are shaping up. I wonder when would the might have beens stop coming up? Constant pondering about a non existent future - is a hazardous and a interesting hobby. I guess it can be compared to trekking. I am trying really hard to let go of mistakes and breath in the air of today.

Forgiving oneself is the easiest and the most difficult thing in life.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Mixed bag 2

Mixed bags again. Yesterday was a really long day at work. I did not exactly want it that way, but then, going with my philosophy of accepting what cant be fought against, I went ahead and finished all that i wanted to do. I was with a good friend in the cab back home and I began to wonder what it is that i sought from life. I cant say money anymore. There might be people who dont believe me but the truth is, I am really satisfied with what i earn and provided i get the same month on month for years together, i think i will be happy. (Provided inflation doesnt hit a new high) In terms of work, I do like what I do (on most days). But then Perfection is but a state that is synonymous with impossible. So i am back to wondering what it is that i want to do.

The writer in me is waiting for the completion of my incomplete books but i really dont know how it would be received. I guess it is high time i conquered this fear and showed some of my recent works to atleast a few around me. Till then i shall open my mixed bag once a day and simply accept what cannot be changed. I can atleast be happier that way.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Mixed bag

Today, i had a very vivid and different picture of life. It was like this. You have a huge bag full of loads of goodies (what else can you expect from a foodie?) and each day, you extract one. You never know what it is that you are going to take out. It can vary from an icecream(well, it wont melt. THis is a magic bag) to a huge bitter gourd. Since you have to complete your day, you should finish whatever it is that you have got.

Sometimes you can keep up part of the bitterness from the previous day for the next one. The more time you spend in getting used to all of this, the more you have to struggle to face life. I guess I have to admit that even the most bitter days are essential for me to have a balanced perspective of life. I can only hope they occur with a lesser frequency or rather that i am well equipped mentally to deal with them as and when they come.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

The Uncrowned Ruler

I see you walk by, completely unaware of the mixed reactions
You effortlessly invoke in those around you
I look around and see awe,fear, respect and even pride
The diversity in thoughts
The conflict of emotions in many a racing heart
What is it I feel?
I am unable to decide...
Is it awe?Or is it a slight hint of jealousy?
What is it that i feel when i see your fierce grace?

I often wonder-how did he create you?
A work of art with a feather touch when you walk
and a killing one when threatened.
How I wish my rulers had it
The ability to use power wisely
and never kill unprovoked
I wonder why they call you - an animal

I see the dwindling numbers of your lot
I see the way you nurture nature
and blend in with her
1411 is what they quote
1411 postered about everywhere
All I have now is words for you
Words that flow out to praise
and words that simply hope
a mere symbol you never become
My magestic lovely tiger


I am a universe by myself,
I am a planet revolving around
a non existent sun
A path defined by definitions
that never seemed to make sense
to the ever critical masses
An idea that could change
not just what was
but also recreate all those
"what could have been"

I spin around faster each moment
and congratulate the tricks i have learnt
to quickly move ahead
I try to stop to watch a tiny flower bloom
and find an unacknowledged current
pushing me ahead
I try to gain control of my axis
to quickly realise
it never was mine in the first place

I am but a speck of feather
from an ancient wise bird
floating around in the air
The roots too far behind and the dreams too huge
Fate it is that controls
Change it is that lasts

I slowly accept my reality
A bitter dose but true,
the only real friend i would ever have
this strong current my wonderful uncertainty
I let myself float knowing fully well
that your watchful eyes would never let me crash

The strong current I sense
this strong current I have slowly come about
to simply worship
That i think is my god.
The one that put me here
for a purpose of his own
A purpose i can never completely comprehend
A purpose i hope to glimpse
someday in the not so distant future.


I know i keep harping on about uncertainity like i am heisenberg's reincarnation. (I thought of saying younger sister but then realised a lot of geniuses would take a dig at my age. And for those who dont know about my previous jenma go google. Anyways, today i got further proof about how uncertainity is all that is certain in one's life. I have two wonderful friends, both of whom i admire for various reasons, both of whom are as different as they can be. Anyways, talking to them about completely different abstract things at various times today led me to write this post.

Things change too much and what makes me feel powerless is the mere fact that i cant predict anything except the change with certainty. I believe in fate. I also believe that man's willingness to work hard and make something out of himself can change anything and in fact influence fate. Every time I doubt this statement, i look back at the many so called shocks i have had in life and how they have helped me evolve. Still, when i am in the phase of change, the evolution that could happen in some far away future does not attract me. I can not help but wonder, where is it that i am headed to? Is it a collision with some other equally confused galaxy that i can never prevent? Or is it that my bloated ego looks of me as a galaxy by myself where in reality i am but a small speck of sand being blown around by an aimless wind? Am i but an object you are playing with o lord?

Sunday, June 06, 2010

An ecofriendly attempt

I came up with a few quiz question thanks to Varun enlisting me as a QM. I just thought id put up a few in my blog. You are welcome to try answering them. Most of them are simple as I am not an avid quizzer.

1. This is the most abundant green house gas in the atmosphere. It is lighter than air and triggers convection currents that can lead to clouds. Identify the gas

2. This one is a sitter. This is a weather pattern that occurs every 4-12 years when the Pacific Ocean’s surface off the western Coast of South America warms. It causes a warmer drier winter. What is the weather pattern? Hint : The English translation of this pattern is “Little boy”

3. This animal has black skin under its fur that helps it absorb heat and maintain a high body temperature. This adaptation aids in their survival in their cold habitat. Identify this animal. Hint : It lives in the Arctic and the fur is clear

4. This scavenger is one of the world’s longest living in Phylum Chordata Class Aves. The most expensive species development project was undertaken in the United States to increase their number by captive breeding. If 1411 is the magic number for our national animal, 349 is the magic number as of march 2010 for this majestic creature. Identify the scavenger? Hint: It is a significant bird to many Californian Native American groups and plays an important role in several of their traditional myths.

5. They provide food, storm protection, jobs, recreation and other income sources for more than 500 million people worldwide yet 70% of them are threatened or destroyed. Their annual global value has been estimated at $30 Billion. They form one of the most diverse ecosystems in the world. What are they?

6. For every pound of this shell fish caught in the sea, about 5 pounds of other sea creatures are caught, killed or thrown away. Fishing for them also destroys mangroves and other coastal wetlands which provide nursery ground for young fish. Which fish are we talking about here?

7. In finance, the name of this creature refers to a limited risk, non-directional options strategy that is designed to have a large probability of earning a small limited profit when the future volatility of the underlying is expected to be different from the implied volatility. However, in the wild a lot of species of this beautiful much admired creature is threatened by illegal trading. Identify the creature. Hint :Chaos theory

8.This corporate spends around $1.5billion a year to power its branches. In an attempt to go green. Their Chicago establishment has a green roof, a permeable parking lot, a 20,000-gallon underground cistern to capture runoff water, LED lighting outside and a daylight harvesting system inside.They also work in close collaboration with PETA on systematically reforming its business practices to be more humane and friendly to the environment in which they operate. Which friendly giant that employs more than 1.5million people world wide are we talking about? Hint: I’m loving it

9. This much loved budding corporate saves 21 million pounds of metal per year by just trimming an eighth an inch of iron from its packaging. Who is this green enthusiast? Hint : This bud’s for you

10. They are responsible for saving 78,000 trees since 2006 by using only recycled paper. Identify the corporate which also markets books, music and films. Hint: Their logo is a twin tailed norse woodcut

11. This has historically been one of the most expensive products to safely dispose. Fortunately for mother earth, the major player in the industry has stepped forward to make the task less daunting. They collect not just their products, but also that of their competitors to dispose in an environment friendly way. No wonder they are the 5th most admired company in their industry. Hint: The company is named after its founder

12. This financial giant has parlayed its new found green ethos into a bona-fide profit-center. The firm’s $1.5 million investment in solar, ethanol, and wind have paid off in spades, prompting companies like Kolhberg Kravis Roberts and Texas Pacific to consult them on their own environmentally-focused projects.Hint : Unrelenting thinking

13. This docile polygastric animal is guilty of speeding up global warming. The animal’s diet and their peculiar physiological trait cause them to produce more methane which they emit with each breath. Which animal are we talking about? Hint – scientific name bos taurus

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Blog Hopping

My mom told me that the best way to blog hop was to try the option next blog in the navigation bar. Me, being the ever obedient daughter tried it. These were the five blogs (in the same order) i came across yesterday

1. A blog of a mom with 2 kids
2. A blog of a mom with 1 kid and a dog
3. A blog of a mom with a pair of twins
4. A blog of a mom with 2 kids who had died and one whom she'd adopted
5. Another blog of a mom with a kid

Why did it happen this way? All i saw were pics of babies and their growing up. Wow! I dont think i wanted to look at it in the first place. Lets see what blog hopping has in store for me today.

Friday, June 04, 2010

Gogola India

What do i call this pic? It isnt even a half baked imitation. I havent been able to find spelling mistakes and if i am not wrong he has put in the name of the various gogolas in the actual color they are. :)

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Uncertainly yours

I am a risk averse person by nature. True, I love following my heart, but my heart being my heart never ever desires risk. :) So to me in even the most minor incidents which dont go according to my plan, there is risk and the one place in which i cant avoid it is in the kitchen. I love planning things a little ahead of time. A lot of times i dont go through with the plan as either i am too lazy or i see a better option somewhere else. But in those times i do, I want things to go according to the plan. Nowadays i wonder if i should start taking risks. If i should start accepting the thrill in uncertainty for some big decisions. Lets see. :)

Of devils and angels

How far should a human being base his decisions on this proverb?

A Known devil is better than an unknown angel

I was discussing something with a friend of mine today when this line came up. As usual, i started thinking about it after i told it to him. If Columbus had thought this way, i guess America would remain unexplored. Human beings have evolved because of their ability to embrace change and face the unknown angel. But then, when I think of the atom bomb, i have to admit that the unknown angel ended up being the reincarnation of the devil himself, awakened from the depths of hell.Things meant for greater good also came with a lot of flaws. Flaws nobody can ever predict because the excitement change offered blinded man to the flaws that came with the change. Or should I say that in some cases, man was excited by the experiment that he forgot why he was doing it in the first place? A knowing release of the dangerous devil

Is lack of change is the solution to all of this? You continue with your own circle of friends though you know some are untrustworthy because you feel it would be better this way. It saves you from the trouble of having to go out and improve your circle. A lot of people I know seldom make friends because the doubts that come with the relationship outweigh the benefits they think come with it. Some others (like me) burn their fingers too many times and then realise they were wrong decisions right from the begining. I wish I can reach a state where I can balance the excitement and growth with the flaws. At least identify the flaws before it is too late.

Right now, I am in a state of constant contemplation. Believe it or not, this contemplation is helping me hold on to the sanity I am on the verge of losing. Should i let go of the known devil hoping for an unknown angel? What if the unknown angel is something much worse than my dear own devil? I can only wonder. I think I shall let time answer questions. For, i still do believe in fate. Whatever has to happen, has to happen. Your actions do have consequences but at the end of the day, all of us are but small pieces in an elaborate, ever changing jigsaw puzzle called life with inflated egos. :)

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Secret to happiness.

It is funny what a few minutes in the sun can do to you. Call it madness if you may, but today, i was literally delirious by the time i reached office. I love my timings as i have always been a night person. But in the last one month, I have come to reconsider the cons in the same. The major one is the heat i have to endure when i get to office. That is when i saw him. A little boy was clinging to his mother's hand like a man on the verge of death holding on to a lifeline. The grip was firm but his face radiated joy. He was skipping along as if her mere presence near him took care of everything. I can never recollect being so carefree.

I can identify the state of dependence though i can seldom relate to it. Sometimes it makes me a little jealous. Why cant i place aside my modern woman independence and for a change depend on someone blindly to take care of me and not fret about any of my problems? However, I doubt if i would ever attain that level of trust ever again. I know I am not a stranger to it. No human being is. For doesnt every kid trust its parents blindly?(atleast for the first few years of life) For a few minutes the complaining cribbing harini was silenced by the happy barefoot kid.

I did find the secret to happiness but I dont think i would be able to make use of it because of the simple fact that I have lost the ability to go ahead and follow the path in front of me if it involves trusting someone blindly. The reward might be great. But the losses are equally big too. One wrong step and all I would be left with would be nothing

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

My lovely strange friend

"It is not the change i am afraid of. But the fact that I would move on no matter how big the change. The will to morph and survive is a strange friend to have."

This was my status message in facebook and depending on when someone is reading this post, this might still be. I was telling a friend of mine about some incident in college today. I still remember the last day quite vividly. I remember thinking that things would never be the same and I was also quite confident that i would miss college life badly. Well, as always life had other plans and I could not even remember things which happened in my apparently "most unforgettable" last semester once i started working. So many things have changed in the last two years and I have finally come to accept that no matter how big the change, I am going to morph and be happy with what i have. (Happy does not mean i wont crib. I do like cribbing. :D)

Initially this trait of mine used to scare me. I hate to admit it in a public forum, but i (the once naive me) thought that I was being a little cruel to the memories which any human being should hold close. Later, i came to admit the fact that, my mind has too many other things to take care of and that memories which matter, are definitely safe where they should be and there is no point in revisiting the rest.

I have watched a lot of relationships wither away. Seemingly close friends moving farther and farther away. Distance was not always directly propotional to the health of the bond. Earlier, i thought it used to be. True, it does play a role but it is not that important. Tonight, talking to a friend I realized that there are still some bonds i cherish, still a few people who matter. Maybe it took time for me to accept that not everyone who oozes out concern is a friend. Maybe, life is my best teacher. I am glad I have this life. I am happy to be alive, though dead from exhaustion. It is on the verges of insanity that a person discovers what it is to be sane. It is on the face of death that you run back to love the life you lead. I know I sound like I am ranting. However, for a change, i know i am not. I am just writing for myself.

Someone told me sometime back that i should not write for an audience as then writing becomes a job and not something you love to do. :D