Thursday, March 31, 2011

The capability question

Are you doing your best? Are you achieving what you are capable of? Are you getting everything possible out of your job? Are you using your degree really well? Are you planning for your higher education and moving towards the best institute you can possibly get into using all the skills and making full use of everything possible?

I am actually outlining some things people do introspect on. Some of it, even I have. This constant capability analysis however does not seem that interesting to me nowadays! In fact, it only puts me off and I get angry with myself when I wonder in those lines. My once in a while active moral side is making me ask myself , "How much of what I am capable of is actually what I want?" "How well am I able to differentiate the two?" "How much of what I am doing is simply because of some set standards about how things are supposed to be?"

I am in no way a non materialistic person. I love money and what you can get with it. But then,with time I have realised that nothing is ever enough if you don't want it to be! Once we start feeding our greed, we really don't bother about feeding anything else let alone our soul. We stop wondering what it is that we really want out of our lives and always think of maximizing our material gains and of course our status in the eyes of the rest of the world.

Last week, Sagnik and I were having one of our enlightening discussions and finally we came up with the moral that what you want is more important than what you are capable of achieving. One thing I have realised is, what you want changes with time, but then, I am always happy doing something i like doing and something I want to do, rather than doing something I am really good at but dont like doing at all!

I just hope I remember this for sometime and don't start running behind something I am supposed to run behind and forget what really matters to me. I also simply hope I continue to have the courage to do what I want even if it means me being branded crazy.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Unstably stable

Stability i see a lot seek
Stability in a job
Stability in relationships
Stability in everything where it is possible

Sometimes I wonder if the illusion of stability in a predominantly transient and unstable world is what makes life so interesting. Of course, the important things have to be stable, but more often than not, these are the things that arent. I am now contemplating, how transient one's friends actually are. No. I am not playing a blame game here though i would love to, i simply know that in reality, you cant blame just one person for a relationship's death. One might be a little more responsible than the other, but thats about it. :)

I was looking at older albums and I realized that the faces which are smiling with me in the photos change so much over the period of years and frankly I have to accept that I had as much fun with one as with the other! I think the moral I am trying to bring out here is that relationships dont fail, they just fade away. :) I am thankful for the role each and everyone of my (so called) friends have played in shaping my life (i have to admit it! Everyone has a role to play) and in making me who i am today, one way or the other. No matter how much i try to refuse, the fact is I am glad what stayed stayed and what disappeared went away. Thank God for expiry dates, Thank God for medicines which work till they dont expire. :) (I would rather not comment about some I am allergic to)

It is all about the stability of the unstable. (If you get what I mean.)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Peaceful easy feeling

Its been a long time since i actually sat down and listened to music. Today, I was listening to eagles and i got to hear this song i used to love. Somethings change with time, but somehow this song always takes me back to the early days of my staying alone where it would blare in the background when i try cooking something for lunch or dinner. Little did i know then that I would fall in love, let alone get married to someone i had just started getting to know then. Life is funny. Thank God for that! A song dedicated to the memories of all that was!

I like the way your sparkling earrings lay,
Against your skin, it's so brown.
And I wanna sleep with you in the desert tonight
With a billion stars all around.

'Cause I got a peaceful easy feeling,
And I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground.

And I found out a long time ago
What a woman can do to your soul.
Oh, but she can't take you anyway,
You don't already know how to go.

And I got a peaceful easy feeling,
And I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground.

I get this feeling I may know you as a lover and a friend.
But this voice keeps whispering in my other ear,
Tells me I may never see you again.

'cause I get a peaceful easy feeling
And I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing...
I'm already standing...
Yes, I'm already standing on the ground
Oh, oh 

Who will cry when you die

I started on this one because frankly, i was bored with fantasy and thrillers and wanted to read something apart from that. Fooled by randomness was a bit heavy for me, so i zeroed in on this one. Frankly, there are some well known life truths in the book, but I am not too happy or delighted with the way the book has been written. There are some 101 lessons on small things you can do to improve your life and its quality, but I am not sure as to how much of it you can actually do, or how qualified the author is to give such an advice.

Apart from that nagging doubt, since i subscribe to this philosophy of appreciating wisdom for what it is without bothering about the source, I liked parts of the book and I am trying to incorporate those changes in my life. A good read if you dont have too much read and if you need to take your mind off the routine and also search for meaning.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The black swan

Dark, delightful, disturbing, deceptive and yes, deep. That is what I would like to state about this movie with Natalie Portman playing an amazing role.The movie is about a ballerina's struggle to become the major character in the production swan lake of her school and about how, once she becomes the swan queen she has trouble expressing the black and the white swan's roles at the same time.
The ballet is Swan lake, which tells the story of a princess trapped in the body of a white swan. Only true love can release the curse and she falls in love with a charming prince. However, before they can have their happily ever after story, her lustful twin, the black swan, seduces the prince and takes him away. Unable to bear the loss and accepting that her end is near, the white swan takes her life. Portman dances really beautifully and you have to bow down to an actress who has the will power to learn something like ballet to perfect the role in a movie.
Each scene in the movie is very powerful and shot from slightly disturbing angles.I loved each and every character's portrayal. Not a scene was wasted, not a shot out of place. I would not like to reveal the story here and I would urge everyone to watch this movie.
The director beautifully conveys the fact that in life, everyone has a black and a white swan within and we portray one or the other face depending on what we are faced with. It is always a struggle of expression between the two and more often than not, one is successful. Which one, is really up to us, or so it seems. 

Friday, March 25, 2011

Thank you!

Not too long ago, I had written a long (then i thought so) post about Reyil sneham. To a large extent, today, I was thinking about the same thing. There was this stage of my life which was spent in a remote village in the middle of nowhere, when i really thought that friendships last forever and the funny part was, it was those that i met then, that i really don't meet now, even though they are hardly a few kilometers away.
However, thanks to life's habit of laughing at me and making me believe in a lot of things i usually give up on, I have found people, who despite distances and despite a lot of issues, have stood by me, no matter what. I just felt like dedicating this post to those special people, whose being there for me has made a huge difference in my life. Thank you for reminding me that distances don't matter, be it within or outside the country. Thank you! I dedicate this sudden burst of love and affection to Sagnik,Varun, Mallik and of course Namita. :)
Thanks to you, I feel like celebrating life. Not just when I am happy but also when I am down. Thanks a lot for being there.

Living without regrets

Two roads they claim diverge
somewhere sometime
I was convinced
that held good for the rest
For see I do not two roads
but multiple
each alluring for one reason
each special and each, seriously
quite very different and enticing

I choose each time, hoping
for nothing but the best
but wonder I do
about the what ifs
I am but human
an ambitious one at that
for what I have not
I do seem to want

Reality however,
has wonderful lessons to preach
when all i have to do is open my eyes
and simply look around.
Look within me
and not at those above or below,
For riches have to come
from within.
No amount of wealth
can create the joy
that self acceptance
and appreciation can.

I thank him up above
for helping me accept
that life is but what I make of it
Irrespective of what I have gained
or what I think i have lost

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The journey

Away from all that was
I try to stand
and observe sans passion
the life that was

An interesting journey so far
with brilliant passengers
in the train of life

Get in some do
observing you from a distant corner
Slowly as the seats empty
you get closer
and proximity entices you
into a relationship real new

The way it came, it so disappears
over time- no animosity
just too far away emotionally
maybe, physically

The drivers change
without a wee hint
as to the frequency

Sometimes too soon when boredom
or fear sets in
Sometimes too slow
that they fade away
into a non descript background.

Some keep coming back
when you decide
what it is that actually
drives you then
Power, wisdom, money, love

Some do come back
Just to be there
Those that lead you
through those ups and downs
Those that stand by you
despite random acts
where they simply disappear

Wonder I do
which of those with me right now
might last till I reach the fag end
which ones would at least
try to show up
in the twilight of life.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Fooled by randomness

It has been quite sometime since I sat down and finished a book properly. I started the innings post marriage with Taleb's "Fooled by randomness"

I am still not sure if i would call this a must read. The book has a lot of interesting ideas and notions which the author explores in detail. The book deals with the role of chance in life and the author time and again stresses as to how we attribute luck to our failures but never to our successes, when all the while, some of the so called successes are just random events.

The book is classified into three parts -

Solon's warning

This section deals with the warning of a philosopher Solon who told the richest man that "the uncertain future is yet to come with all variety of future and him only to whom the divinity has continued happiness until the end we may call happy" This portion deals with details of expected value of a thing and how many small successes can be simply over ridden by a big loss. What i liked the most about this portion was how the author stresses the need to evaluate a decision not based on how successful it was but based on what would have happened had the decision not been taken. This he says is important as hindsight is always 20/20.There are multiple chapters in this portion dealing with skewness,asymmetry and induction.

Monkeys on typewriters

The author begins this portion with the the case of an infinite number of monkeys sitting in front of a typewriter and left to type. Going by the random combination of alphabets, in all probability one of those can actually come up with a version of a classic, but you can never be sure if the random combination of alphabets it uses the next time around would lead to yet another classic. In this portion he talks about survivorship and other biases. One chapter whose name i wont forget easily is "Its easier to buy and sell than fry an egg." :)
Wax in my ears

In the last and final portion of the book the author begins by speaking about the famous hero of Homer's Odysseus who was warned about the beautiful song of the sirens. He gets himself tied to a mast and makes all his soldiers fill their ears with wax so that they are not enticed by the song and move towards a certain death and also, he gets to hear it and they prevent him from leaving. The author speaks about how evolution has somehow given us some wax in our ears because of which we find it easier to do things that have already been done and follow existing standards than to explore the causality in detail.

I liked the book and I would say that one can read it if you are interested in something which is a little offbeat. I have not yet started reading the black swan as I have temporarily taken time off to read "Who will cry when you die". :)

It is but my world

It is but a world
full of imperfections too many
No matter where, no matter how
there they are
lovingly occupying the center stage

It is but a world
revolving around the theory of perfection
This is how it is
This is what it is supposed to be

It is but a world
full of assumptions too many
dictated by rules of causality
attributing the success to the color of a dress
attributing failure to the left leg kept first

It is but a world
I have grown to love
for perfections, imperfections and assumptions
make it what it is
somehow suitable for me to live
Somehow suitable for me to exist
with imperfect assumptions
of the perfection of my life

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Anywhere but Croma

My last experience with croma was when I had gotten my mom an mp3 player. The service wasnt too great but since I got a nice player, I bought it and went home without having any opinion about the store. But this time, I wish I had not gone there for a microwave.
What i find very funny about the whole thing is that, the time these brilliant people take to deliver an item that is used to reduce time spent is so long!
I ordered on 10th of last week and after multiple calls and pathetic replies and being moved from one person to another, I still havent got the oven! I dont understand how such a seemingly huge chain has such a pathetic supply chain system. I would request everyone to avoid this store as 1. They dont respect your time
2. Once the payment is made, they really dont give a damn about order fulfillment
3. They are not in the least bothered about helping you before you buy either.

I wish i can go back in time and prevent the purchase I made. But now that I have ordered and I am really out of time to go around searching for another model in another store, I only can wait. However, all of you out there, dont waste your time with croma.

Of a beautiful temple and rustic villages

Yesterday, we went to Melkote which is one of my favorite temples. I loved the drive and the temple as well. We had a picnic lunch in a half complete temple which a king wanted to complete over night and was disappointed when he couldnt. :) I would recommend Melkote as a place to visit for anyone who likes narasimha and also for anyone who is looking for a nice drive to some place. :)

The narasimhar temple

The incomplete temple

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Dil hai ki maanta nahin

Dil hai ke manta nahin
Mushkil badi hai rasme mohabbat
Yeh jaanta hi nahin
Oh, dil hai ke manta nahin
Dil hai ke manta nahin
Yeh beqaraari kyoon ho rahi hai
Yeh jaanta hi nahin
Ho, dil hai ke manta nahin
Dil hai ke manta nahin

Bad excuse for an update I know but I am watching this movie right now and i just love this song. :)

Dil to yeh chaahe har pal tumhe hum
Bas yunhi dekha kare
Marke bhi hum na tumse judaa ho
Aao kuch aisa kare
Mujh mein sama jaa, aa paas aa jaa
Hamdam mere hamnasheen
Dil hai ke manta nahin
Teri vafaaye, teri mohabbat
Sab kuch hai mere liye
Tune diya hai nazraana dil ko
Hum to hai tere liye
Yeh baat sach hai, sab jaante hai
Tumko bhi hai yeh yakeen
Dil hai ke manta nahin
Mushkil badi hai rasme mohabbat
Yeh jaanta hi nahin
Oh, dil hai ke manta nahin
Dil hai ke manta nahin

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

First time ever!

First things first. I love eating and lately I have come to realise that i really need to do the hard work that goes in before the eating. So I am actually trying to cook all meals at home. Today for the first time in my life, i made a dish that has to be deep fried. I am really scared of boiling oil and never make papads as I am sure I am going to somehow spill it on myself. But today, I decided to overcome my paranoia and I actually made bajjis! They came out really well and I had an awesome time hogging it down.

Aint i proud!
Thats a scared me placing the bajjis in oil
This is how the finished ones looked

Settling down

A random hindi song plays in the background and I am sitting in front of my laptop of two years typing away to glory after making yummy bajjis (pics to follow) for dinner. I look up and I see our pictures (the ones we had spent so much time selecting and printing) in the newly acquired photoframe.
The hall around is familiar yet still new, familiar as there are those multiple books and other knick knacks I have lovingly collected over the years and new because there are things that belong to someone else alongside them and it is no longer about me, but about us. Its not completely strange because I married the guy i fell madly in love with and I knew it was going to be so, but then, reality is in someways better and some ways a let down compared to your imagination. I am happy and very much in love (which surprises a lot of people) and looking forward to settling down. :)

Monday, March 14, 2011

500 days of summer

I have not watched a movie in a very long time. Wait. My grammar! What am i even saying?! I had not watched a movie for a very long time, until yesterday noon, all of us finally agreed to watch a movie. Now that was more difficult than you can imagine, as our tastes dint match. DCH, Aradhana, Predators, Social Network, Fahrenheit 9/11 were some movies that were discussed and later not watched. :)

500 days of summer is a damn cute romantic comedy. The non linear narrative succeeds in making it all the more interesting. The plot revolves around an architect who works for a greeting card company writing happy cards. He is a very romantic person who believes in true love and loves the movie, " The graduate". As opposed to him, Summer, doesn't believe in romance and is a level headed individual. Tom falls for Summer the day he meets her and keeps raving and ranting about her to his friends.This attraction only increases when he discovers that she likes the same band that he does.

By a twist of fate, when the office goes to a karaoke club, he gets a chance to spend time with her and they begin a relationship. While he is completely into her and is serious, he pretends that they need not label the relationship as he understands she is uncomfortable with the idea and is also uninterested in being called somebody's girlfriend.

The ups and downs of the relationship are beautifully depicted and there are a lot of comic instances in the movie. Racheal, Tom's sister ends up being more mature than him and I started liking her character a lot. As the movie progressed, my initial belief that this was a refreshingly different treatment of the usual subject of love was just strengthened and I really enjoyed the movie a lot.

I would recommend this as a good watch for someone who is mature enough to accept that the different shades of grey make this world a beautiful place to live in.


Wow! Damn! Those are my usual reactions whenever i revisit my older diaries or my over active mind. I have an awesome and an awful  memory. I say this because like in Pay check, there are some time frames of my life which have been completely erased from my mind. However, I have discovered that one way to remember things, believe it or not is by food. Incidents which happen in restaurants or which revolve around food in one form or another have never ever been forgotten by me. Infact, I still remember the taste of food in some places and what someone cooked when i went to visit. Call that strange and yes, call me a foodie, which is what my husband said after listening to me rave about some rabdi i had in bits ages ago, but the truth is that, the easiest way to reach my heart is through food. :)

I was thinking about the last two years and I realised, I have been having such an awesome time! And, I finally got a point to save myself from being called a foodie. I just have to read this blog and all those things come back to me. Things which made me write what I wrote. So i guess now I can be called a writer, someone who preserves things for eternity using words. THat is exactly the reason why I am now so intent on reviving this blog because I want to preserve my memories safely, in some place apart from my already loaded brain. :)

Fit and fine

I am one of the laziest people I know. Even in this blog, I have never made a secret of the fact that I love food and despise working out.

Now that I have entered a new phase of my life,  I am referring to this life imprisonment, (well some say its for me most say hes doomed) called marriage, I was considering making some lifestyle changes.
The first one was joining a gym. Now, my previous experience (yes, i did try going to the gym once) was partially successful as i went for around 10 days during my birthday month.

What led to my change of heart from a no physical exercise to a "I really need to be fit" was meeting this 90 year old relative of mine. He was so fit and energetic and I was kinda ashamed of myself. I felt that I really had to improve my stamina and so, here I am, looking forward to becoming fit and hopefully ready to take the difficult path to reaching there. :)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Into the wild

Since I am too lazy to write right now and since we have to rush out for a lunch, I thought i'd just upload a few pics of sikkim for now and then write a long travelogue. :)

Spice jet to Bagdogra:

En route to Gangtok:

View from our resort room window

The flower show

A rope carrrrrrrrrrr!!! :)

Enroute to Kewzing- a local market at Yum Tang