Thursday, July 21, 2016

Conquering fear

A lot has changed about me over the years. The way I look at food, the company I keep, my attitude about a few things, my professional life, my involvement with animals etc. But the one thing that hasn't, is my interest in writing and my dream of becoming a writer.

In some ways, I claim it's not just a dream because I write in my blog and even if very few people say something, it does reach an audience. Perhaps, I can go back to my favorite argument that I don't write for an audience. All of us want validation and even if I didn't write keeping it in mind, it makes me happy if what I write resonates with someone.

Here's a bitter truth about me and writing. I'm really scared of criticism and have never shared some of my (what I think) best work in any forum. There are quite a few short stories and poetry languishing in secret corners of my phone and laptop. Perhaps my fear stems from my probable inability to handle rejection, as this is the one thing that means the most to me.

Maybe I'm inherently pessimistic here, as it's going to be easy for me to use it as an excuse to have an eternal dream, rather than face the reality, that the some day I'll put myself out there, will never come if I don't think about it seriously and stop making excuses. Recently, a very good friend of mine told me to stop writing and I was so mad. That day was also an eye opener as i realized, whether I like it or not, expressing myself is my super power and I can't let it go so easily.

I'm going to try and get a poetry collection out there. I know poetry doesn't sell, but I don't really need incremental income. I know people might not read it, but I know there will be a few who will. I know there will be critics who might find my short lines disturbing, but there will be people who will like it. So, I'm going to try. Make an attempt. Conquer fear and actually do something that scares me more than jumping out of an airplane.

I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, but I know I will, because if I don't do this now, I never will.

No comments: