I love to plan. I have back up A, B, C, D and E at any given point in time. It is very difficult for me to take life as it comes. That does not mean I cannot embrace change. Usually, I am quite comfortable with change, but I like thinking about multiple scenarios and thinking about what would happen in each one. :) It is my favorite hobby.
Recently, I have come to see that even the best laid plans sometimes don't pan out and what happens instead is not bad at all. In fact, some of the best things that happened to me were the least expected. Not even the least expected, they were the unimagined ones. I guess, when you come with plans for your life, you look at only the picture as you have visibility to it. But life is much bigger than anything you can ever see. You cannot truly expect to even comprehend it in its entirety.
Yesterday, after a particularly frustrating conversation, I realized something - I have built a raft and I have been tiring myself to no end by trying to take it towards a destination, a destination I actually have no clue about. The more I try to go towards it, the more I feel the current pulling me in a completely different direction. Some things in life are worth the struggle, I don't deny that, but right now, I don't want to struggle as I am not sure, if the destination, the hope of something that might happen, is worth losing the present over.
So, I am sitting happily in my raft and letting the current take me in the direction it pleases. I am still alert, watching the current, making sure I am not drifting into some waterfall and falling down to a certain death, (At the end of it, death is the only certainty, but that is not what I want now) and taking in the beautiful views. Living in the present. These couple of days have been calming and already I see a few good things happening.
Knowing me, I know that some island will catch my fancy and I will start trying to take my raft towards it. Just not today, or maybe this week or maybe athis month.
Or perhaps build a ship after I reach this destination and conquer the island with the big guns. I don't know what I might do. The uncertainty has its charms and the possibilities, limitless.